How to get 6 yo to eat with knife and fork?

[FraterculaArctica]

Mealtimes feel like a constant battle of reminding DS (recently 6) to use his knife and fork rather than his fingers to eat. Is this normal at this age? How would you handle it? We try taking the plate away after a certain number of "chances" to follow our reminders, but it's not making any difference.

eating with hands is fine in the right place!

Well that’s the issue..it’s not the right place if everyone else is using cutlery, if it’s not a food type usually eaten with fingers etc.

I don’t think 6 is too young. And it’s more than etiquette..it’s a basic everyday skills that we teach our children as they grow up. But I agree it’s a skill to be taught with kindness not punishment.

cherry you clearly stated "take his food away from him don't give it back even if he screams" now for any change in behaviour the action would need to be repeated a a fair few times, I'm sure you are aware of that with your "credentials".

Anyway, you clearly think you are right to take a screaming child's food away from them, and that it is clearly just boundary setting, so there is no point continuing this conversation.

However I will state, I wholeheartedly disagree with your approach and find it cruel.

I did CoachBombay. He makes choices and is in control. Sit and eat properly. If not your food is removed. Same as if he was throwing food.

Handing it straight back the moment he screeches and letting him eat with his hands undermines any attempt at managing behaviour. It would probably take two removed plates. Make sure pudding is finger food such as a sliced apple or strawberries, if you’re that worried.

Interspersing some cutlery meals with obvious hand held food might relieve the pressure but I’d be clear about which needed a knife and fork. It’s

Im with you CoachBombay im amazed by such an approach to meals. I got my ds 6 to butter his bread and cut his sausage to make his on sausage sandwich today to make sure he is fine with a knife and he was fine and confident - I said I needed to check these skills as lock down slowly ends and we might be back in restaurants again! I just think it should be a non arguement issue and be downplayed rather than a battle. It just makes sense to check the skills with playing restaurants, cutting playdo etc etc, making sure they can make their own food and know when its more important to use cutlery - but to make a fight during a meal I cant understand. Food should always be fun, it must be too stressful and battles need to be picked!

Persistence in refusing to do as asked isn’t about the skill. Nobody is suggesting unkindness
Nonsense. There is far more to mastering a skill than just being able to manage it sometimes. He uses his fingers for a reason - it's easier because he hasn't yet mastered using a knife and fork effectively. If he had mastered the skill, he wouldn't be using his fingers. Refusal to do as asked is very often as a result of not feeling confident in what is being asked of them. Encouragement and reinforcement should be done with kindness. Taking food away for non-compliance is not kind.

Have a go at trying with your knife and fork.
That's really good, well done, you managed that really well.
That was a good try, have another go.
It can be tricky sometimes can't it.
You're getting better every day, you've made so much progress.

A positive, encouraging approach will be more successful, it's good for building relationships, it's good for self-esteem and confidence and it's just so much nicer all round.