Is there such thing as a best age gap?

[Firstimemam]

My DS is 16 months and my heart aches for a second baby, maybe this is because he's no longer a baby but a proper toddler now
(Tall boy, walking and starting to talk). Did you feel like the age gap was right? Is there even such thing as the right age gap between siblings?

Best in terms of work, your body, their developmental needs and stages, getting along, financially for your family?
You need to look at your own circumstances.

No, all children and families are different, all we have are our own experiences, there's no magic formula.

It does depend on your circumstances as a family. I'm also told a small gap is harder at first but can be easier later.

Mine are 22 months apart. Hard at first but we never got to the easy bit with no. 1 then had to go back. I love the gap now they’re one and three, it’s perfect for us. They are starting to play together more which is lovely. Hard few years but I can’t imagine going to back to pregnancy/newborn phase once the first is 3+. Everyone is different though!

We started trying for dc2 when dc1 turned 1yo. Dc2 was born when he was 2y4m. About 2 years seems to work well - toddler is more independent but they are still quite close in age. Most of my friends have gone for a similar gap. So I'd start ttc now if you feel ready! Good luck.

We have a 14 month old and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with number 2. The age gap should be around 21 months. We're hoping this gap will be right for us. Hoping it'll be a few years of hard work but all over and done with at once. But then I know families with a 9 year age gap and that's worked great for them. I think it's different for each family.

I would say it depends what your dc are like and your circumstances. We first did a 20 month gap and it was difficult the first few years and now they play so well. We have a third with a 6 year gap and that has been super easy as the other two are old enough to do a lot on their own (playing, eating etc.). Obviously the older two still get a lot of attention from me, but they are not fully dependent. I think maybe 2 years is better then 20 months, because the extra months make a difference as the dc can then speak more to let you know their needs.

Thank you all for your posts. I meant in what worked for you. Financially, we're stable and work is good but my bestie wis getting married in August, and we will probably ttc after. It happened really quickly with DS - started trying in May and fell pregnant in May, so I believe that when we start trying, it will happen quickly. I stopped breastfeeding 2 months ago and my period came back, I have regular cycles. Not trying to brag or upset anyone, it's just how it happened for us. Exciting times ahead. I don't even know what life without a child was like anymore x

Perfect for you and your family and child I guess. But not one specific age gap. No

For me it was 21 months.
Both little together. Similar interests. Got to enjoy the toddler whilst on mat leave with the baby, no school run. They both still napped.so I had 2 hours to myself every day on mat leave. They are best of friends. Now 6 and 4.
The next one was 28 months and harder as the middle one didn't nap any more so it was non stop.

3! I can imagine it must be so much harder when no 1 no longer naps. Quiet time aka story or TV? I wouldn't even know (not quite there yet I suppose). I'm so broody at the moment that I'm dreaming of twins - i remember being in the newborn stage saying: how would people survive with twins??? Silly, I know. It doesn't run in my family and I'm very unlikely to conceive twins although DH is a twin and his dad was.

My dh is also a twin so we could end up with twin grandkids one day! In a way 3 is easier as they always have someone to play with. Good luck.

We have 2 years 10 months exactly between ours.. DD2 is 10 weeks old 3 year gap was always our plan for a few personal reasons I suppose. I wanted my elder daughter fully potty trained & independent for my own sanity. I found the baby stage quite hard with my first & knew I needed a break and time to enjoy life without a baby for a bit. I also really loved the solo time with my older daughter for nearly 3 years, I’m so glad we had that as I’ll never have just one child to focus on again! I also have hyperemesis in pregnancies & while it wasn’t guaranteed in my second, I had to prepare for being pretty poorly for 5-6 months. I did get it again & it was very hard even with a two year old. But at least she was that little bit older to understand I was poorly. And finally, financially for us we needed DD1 to be able to access nursery funding by the time our second started. We earn a reasonable couple salaries but it would have meant sacrificing savings towards holidays, house improvements, day trips etc..

You need to look at whole picture I think, work out the best thing for you & your family!

5 years 3 months here. Meant dd was in reception when dd2 was born. I would have been on maternity leave for her whole reception year to support her as well having 1-1 time with baby. Corona stuck 2 fingers up to that though

2 yrs 10 months here too, didn't particularly think about it, just decided to have another one at that particular time. Could have done it earlier as dc1 is so easy however if dc2 had come first would have waited years as they are hard work.

One benefit I found was on mat leave dc1 could go to preschool due to the free hours.

There's 2.6 years between my DDs, the eldest is nearly three and the youngest is almost five months.
It's been lovely, my older DD has come out've the baby stage now and is potty trained and able to entertain herself if needs be - she also loves 'helping' me take care of her baby sister and there's been zero jealousy from her. My younger DD absolutely loves her to pieces as well, it's been so lovely to see.

We do however want a third child and are aiming for a much smaller age gap this time! It would be nice to get the pregnancy/breastfeeding/baby years done with and just move on to life with three children.

21 months here (got a move on due to my age!), and it's lovely now that smallest is nearly 2, they are best mates and genuinely adore each other. I adore my sister too and there's 4.5 years between us. No age gap will be perfect though; because of our small(ish) gap, there was four months of double full nursery fees with no free hours for eldest, that was a bit pricey!

@firstimemam I got pregnant the first month of trying for #1. She's now 3.5 but there's no sign of #2, so don't assume it'll happen as easily

I’m praying for a three year gap, which looks perfect to me, but ttc number 2 is taking forever and it’s crushing me.

Getting pregnant the first time was really easy, btw.

Depends on so many things.

Age - had DC1 at 31 and was conscious I didn’t have forever to wait to try for 2. Also had a few friends who found TTC2 took longer and/or had miscarriages in between.

Work - career-wise it seemed easier to have kids close together and get all the mat leaves out of the way

Personality - I don’t enjoy the newborn/baby phase and knew if I let DC1 get old enough I would struggle to return to life with a baby again

So we have a 25 month gap. DCs are the same sex, like the same things including asking for matching outfits, share a room (their choice we have a spare room). So it’s made life easier in a lot of ways.

I am currently 22 weeks pregnant with my 3rd.

I have 20 months between my other DC. It was very, very hard work (but I lived over seas and have zero support). They are 5 & 3.5 now and it is great, but they fight like cat and dog, but are great company for each other.

My youngest will be 4 and the oldest about to turn 6 when the new addition comes. Tbh I am really looking forward to it. The hope is that they will both be at school for at least a bit of the day. They are both so excited about the baby, and I get a sense that the jealousy and rivalry that has always existed between them might be less of an issue this time.

As to how quickly it happens... well, before DC1 I conceived quickly, had a MMC, then had another 4 months before I got pregnant again. DC2 was conceived accidentally one night (I know the exact night).

My current pregnancy has been preceded by 3 others all of which ended in miscarriage over the course of 6 months. So, please don’t put a huge amount of stock in what gap you want, things don’t always turn out as hoped.

I have two boys 11 months apart, they are very close, like twins, my daughter is 3 and a half years younger than them and is mostly left out. It might be different if there was only two and not 3, but I would say closer age gaps are better.

My DC are 11 months apart, 4 & 3. They will be in the same school year starting from September. I conceived pretty much straight away with my youngest. Although it was an easy decision for me to make, my exP wasn’t too happy.

As long as things work well for the whole family I don’t really think age gaps are much of a concern. They all just sort of fit in and although it’s hard you manage to work though it. I think parenting never gets easier, and for me I didn’t want a large age gap then have to deal with children going through different stages of life.

I’d say just do what’s best for you, everything will work out fine. Don’t put pressure on it

DH and I have been married 25 years. DC1 is 24. DC are 24, 15 and 13. We struggled to conceive DC2 hence the nine year gap but the two younger ones have always got on fantastically with no sibling rivalry between them and their older brother. He's a great role model.
There is two years four months between 2&3. As babies and toddlers they were great but now they barely tolerate each other. They argue over the smallest thing and although individually I adore them, I think the gap is too small and would have chosen a five year gap at least between each.