Anyone had big age gaps- How was it? Looking for some advice

[Hunnybears]

Hi there

I’ve got two DC’s 12 and 8 and I think I may be pregnant. I’m nervous about it all but it was planned. It’s very early days so anything could happen but I can’t stop thinking of will it be ok....

Financially we’re in a much better position that I’ve ever been and all DC will have their own room (not that that matters in grand scheme of things I know)

DC have a different carved and will continue to see him exactly the same as they wag they do now. It will be baby that will fit in with us and DH will have to step up to the mark so I’ve got free time for my older DC

I’m almost 40 so it’s now on never really.

I’m terrified if I’m honest lol. I never thought I’d meet someone else so wasn’t expecting to ever have children after my youngest.

I worry that I’m too old etc and how my other DC will react. It breaks my heart to think they won’t like it.

To be fair, when I was pregnant with my youngest I also felt guilt that my first would feel left out. That was irrational of course

So just looking for some positive experiences please?

Dad not carved

Anyone?

I have a 10 year old, i was adamant i wasn't having another because i was sure my son wouldn’t like the baby or feel left out. How wrong was I? 10 year age gap and he is absolutely besotted with his sister, she is 8 months old now and looks for him when she wakes, he always wants to wake her up to play ... honestly best decision i ever made was to give him a sibling regardless of the age gap. Don't stress as they will be over the moon ... enjoy and good luck x

I have several friends that have siblings 10ish years younger and there are more close to their siblings rather than not close.

HTH

@Nicole

Aww that is so nice to hear 😍 such a lovely Story. I hope that would be my experience too. Lovely to know they both love each others to bits 😊

@RandomMess

That’s lovely to hear too. Thank you. My old sibling is old enough to be mam and I’m so pleased I’ve got her as my mum sadly passed away when I was younger. So yeah, I’m pleased she’s there

What does HTH mean? 😊

Hope that helps!

Ah I just googled it as I knew it would be something nice. Thank you ☺️

Mine are 16, 14, 7 and 3. Was tricky at times but lots of plus sides. Nice to have helpers!

Ds was 10 when DD was born. Hes now 11 and she’s 18 months. He’s absolutely loves her and she loves him. Her face lights up and she squeals with joy when he comes downstairs every morning!

He will sometimes play with her,like rolling around the floor or making her laugh but obviously because of the large gap they don’t play together properly which is one thing that makes me sad about the age gap. The other thing is trying to choose activities they would both enjoy. Ds is quite grown up for his age and pre lockdown would not entertain a play centre or petting farm etc. He’d want me to take him to indoor trampoling, or Go Ape etc which was fine when DD was younger and could nap in a pram but as she got older she got fed up very quickly but was too young to do anything, so I felt very guilty for DS as I was distracted. I think it will get easier in the next few years as Ds will be off doing his own thing and won’t want mum and little sister around or she will be older and able to join in.

On the plus side because of the gap it was like being a first time mum again in a good way,when I was exhausted through pregnancy I could nap as Ds was at school or could entertain himself for a few hours at the weekend or on an evening. Once she was born he was often at school/clubs or happy playing out with friends or on his PlayStation so I got to have quality bonding time with DD without constantly having to worry about another child’s needs. There was also zero jealousy.

I’ve overheard DS say a few to times to his sister that he’ll always protect her and she can live with him when he has his own house

My biggest gap is 8 years, 14 and 6, and the 14 yr old dotes on the 6yr old (when he’s not annoying him 😝) sometimes I think a much bigger gap leads to less conflict as the older ones take on a more caring, nurturing role and there aren’t the same areas of conflict as there would be with a closer gap.

There's 10 years between my two. I've loved it. I got to enjoy everything without feeling swamped. So many of my friends have three children with two year gaps and do nothing but complain about everything.

I'm happy. Older DD happy. Younger DS happy. They adore each other. It suits us perfectly.

You'll be fine OP!

Mine were 9 and 7 when dc3 was born. It has been great in terms of sibling relationship. It's me that struggles going back to baby hood!
But i don't think lock down is helping with that... if my family looked as I planned it ( with dc3 only 3 years younger) I think it would have been way more stressful as dc2 wouldn't have coped sharing me as well. Also i was way older than you when I had dc3. That's not been an issue until I ended up locked in a house with a toddler contending with perimenopausal mood swings!

I have 18 years between my Dd's... My youngest is 10 and is desperate for a younger sibling (unfortunately we couldn't have more). I would have been happy to have another and I think it would work well.
My girls get on very well. Obviously their lives are by different but Dd1 still lives here so they are close.
Whatever age gap you have there are pro's and cons. 8/9 years is big but I would imagine your older kids will love it. Most people love babies, and a big gap means you avoid the normal sibling rivalry as they have different interests.

I’ve 14 years between my two and they adore each other

I was nearly eight when my sister was born. I loved having a sibling. My friends at school were all envious of me and would flock around her pram at school pick-up.

My sister and I did used to play together, even though we had different interests. I admit that we didn’t always get on, but that was partly due to our differing personalities rather than the age gap. And now we’re both in our thirties, the age gap is mostly irrelevant. In fact, she’s the bossy one who likes to be in charge.

I have 11 years between my dd's my eldest did struggle a little after being an only for so long but that didn't last long. They are now 20 and nearly 9 and although my eldest lives away they are thick as theives and pee lock down used my eldest used to have her to stay for weekends. As your DC are not only kids now they will be fine

Mine are 10, 13 and 20 and I was 41 when ds3 was born. My oldest was over the moon when his little brother was born despite a 7 yr age gap and was really good with him, no jealousy at all. Now the 10 year old and 20 yr old probably get on best but they are all quite close. My sister is 7 years younger than me and we are very close. I wouldn’t worry at all, your older two will probably be delighted and are great ages to help out and be involved. Are they boys or girls?

My two were nearly 12 and nearly 9 when their sibling was born. They love her and there wasn’t any jealousy or anything. She did have to learn to be carted around a lot as after school we had various clubs and hobbies to take kids to and so it meant she didn’t have a baby routine as such but that was fine. Now 10 years on she and her older sister are close and she loves her biggest brother but as he doesn’t live at home they’re not close but he loves her.

Congratulations- it will all be good if you lead the way. Don’t be apologetic about it to your children or they will feel differently- don’t refer to them as half siblings ever and don’t let anyone else. Those are my tips.

DC were 11 and 8 when the youngest arrived, they adore her and it has been a wonderful year since she arrived. I have no idea whether things will get more complicated as she gets older, but right now I'd say it was just right for our family.
Obviously things have changed recently, but I loved having older ones at school and getting to do baby stuff with the little one. The school runs and school friends meant I never had the loneliness of just having a new baby.
The older ones still fight with each other, but adore their younger sibling and are amazing with her.

I have a 23 year age gap between my dd's.
I didn't find out I was pregnant with dd2 until I was 5mths. It was a total shock. I thought the only baby coming into the family would be a grandchild NOT a sibling.
Apart from forgetting how to change a nappy and making a bottle it's been good.

Same as @Nicole2910 , 10 year age gap, older has just turned 13 and still adores his little sister. She drives him mad, but he wouldn't be without her. I was 41 when I gave birth second time.

My 3 are now 27, 25 and 15. The older two adored the younger one from day 1 and, without the anxiety of the first and the sheer exhaustion of two close together, I thoroughly enjoyed being a mum again after so many years. They still all get on really well and it’s lovely to see how much the younger one looks to the older siblings as role models. They’ve all grown especially close during lockdown. I’d highly recommend it!

I have a 24 year old a 21 year old and a ten year old, all girls and the two oldest adore the youngest ! The wee one was planned and it was still a massive shock. You will be absolutely fine it's a lovely new chapter x