Anyone had big age gaps- How was it? Looking for some advice

[Hunnybears]

Hi there

I’ve got two DC’s 12 and 8 and I think I may be pregnant. I’m nervous about it all but it was planned. It’s very early days so anything could happen but I can’t stop thinking of will it be ok....

Financially we’re in a much better position that I’ve ever been and all DC will have their own room (not that that matters in grand scheme of things I know)

DC have a different carved and will continue to see him exactly the same as they wag they do now. It will be baby that will fit in with us and DH will have to step up to the mark so I’ve got free time for my older DC

I’m almost 40 so it’s now on never really.

I’m terrified if I’m honest lol. I never thought I’d meet someone else so wasn’t expecting to ever have children after my youngest.

I worry that I’m too old etc and how my other DC will react. It breaks my heart to think they won’t like it.

To be fair, when I was pregnant with my youngest I also felt guilt that my first would feel left out. That was irrational of course

So just looking for some positive experiences please?

Aww wow just read through all your replies and they are all so lovely to read.

You make some great points in that the rivalry or jealousy is likely to be less when there’s a larger age gap.

I also love the idea that they will be close when they’re older as you also point out.

And because I’ve got two they’ve already been used to having to share my attention. And the fact that as a lady pointed out, I’ll be in the school run so won’t have time to feel lonely- I might feel knackered like haha
Ohh and the potential helpers I’ll have!

Well that’s so much for sharing your experiences with me. It really has helped me focus more on the positives. I can hopefully start feeling positive now without constantly stressing.

I had my third child 6 months ago at the age of 40. My older two are 14 and 9 and I can honestly say it is the best thing that could have happened to our family. She has brought us all so much joy but has also brought us all closer together.

They love to help look after her and play with her and there is absolutely no jealousy whatsoever because they are older. The age gaps are a bit bigger than I would have had ideally but the older two are very close and I think my little one is very lucky to have 2 older sisters to look up to.

My main issue is when my teens go out and I cant go to bed early of tired as I cant sleep till they get in lol but it's not a major issue and they can babysit if I am I'll or need a nap!

Mine are 35 33 30 18 and 9 😊
All very close and supportive and it was nice to have time to give to each individual with large age gaps.
The older ones kids are more like siblings to my 9 year old.

@Ledkr my goodness you have a big gap between your oldest and youngest ! I thought my 20 year gap was big. It will all be fine op I have 3dc with a 4 year gap between each then a 12 year gap. There was no jealousy at all when he was born and they have enjoyed watching him grow up. I found it easier too as the older ones were more independent.

7 year age gap between my 2 and it's amazing! My eldest loves helping with things like bath time and getting the wipes and nappy for changing.
At first I was worried they wouldn't be close and although that may change as they grow it could happen even if I had a smaller age gap so I dont let it bother me now.

I have a ten year gap and it's brilliant! Everyone goes on about how tricky it must be etc but honestly I don't find it is at all! I feel like I've been given a cheat code :o

DS1 old enough not to be jealous, can understand baby needs more etc. Of course you still have to make time for them. But that's easy with an actively involved partner. Have been able to see how DH is through various stages of DS1 so I knew what I was working with there so to speak.

I'm not stressed out about the things new mums usually worry about because I have the benefit of seeing it really does come out in the wash.

Am v conscious of not wanting DS1 to feel like an unpaid babysitter, especially as he gets older. But will be willing to trade him stuff like extra screen time or pay him to babysit. Not yet, but he can defo help distract or occupy toddler while I cook etc.

It feels amazing and such a privilege honestly to get to go back and do it all again. I've loved every minute of it.

Going on days out or activities which only interest one of them is fine, because DS1 is old enough to go and do things on his own or stay at home if he doesn't fancy something or is at school when I take DS2 to things anyway. DS2 young enough to just tag along with older brother stuff and not be bothered by not having specific entertainment. And TBH DS1 sometimes secretly loves an excuse to go into soft play, to a petting zoo etc! Which he wouldn't do before because it was too babyish.

I love reading all of your replies!! Amazing to hear how great you’re all finding it.

I have a brother 9 years younger. I have got on great with him since he was a toddler. He's in his mid twenties now. I felt like a sister and friend sometimes and a third parent other times. I never felt jealous and loved having him around. I also have a sister two years younger than me and we did not get on well untill relatively recently. I have a five year old only child so if I ever have another there will be a big age gap and I'm happy with that.

Also I loved having an excuse go on slides and play with Lego etc as a teenager because I was "helping" my little brother.