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Parenting

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Original poster

Family member asked if she can post pictures of my little one on facebook, is the way I'm feeling selfish?

46 replies

alesha123445 · 19/05/2020 18:19

Hi everyone, my little girl is 13 weeks old. I post the odd picture of her now and then on social media. I know people have different views on that but its just something I like to do every so often.
My mil has asked if she can put some pictures up of her but I feel weird about someone else doing it? Is that selfish? She is waiting for a reply and I feel conflicted, I want to say no but I dont really know why? One part of me wants to say yes too. Maybe it's because all the pictures she has are what I've took due to lockdown, I just dont know..

I dont know what answers I'm after I'm just confused, am I being selfish?

OP posts:

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Fluffballs · 19/05/2020 18:24

Not selfish. I put pictures on social media but say no to family doing the same. Mainly for the reason I know who my friends are, but not theirs.

DartmoorChef · 19/05/2020 18:26

Is she not allowed to show her granddaughter off to her friends. I think thats quite sad. 😕

BellsofStClems · 19/05/2020 18:28

At least she asked... my newborn was MILs profile picture within days without any prior discussion. And I don't put photos of LO on social media.

Your baby, your decision. It's not selfish.

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MsChatterbox · 19/05/2020 18:30

It's really good she asked. However if you don't want other people to post then you need to not post yourself. I am the same and trust me its a lot easier to take the stance if you follow by example.

CharlieSays13 · 19/05/2020 18:31

Would you be ok with her sharing photos to her wall that you've already put up? Might be a decent compromise. At the end of the day it's your baby your choice.

Ughmaybenot · 19/05/2020 18:33

I think it’s good that she asked, and honestly I think you’d be making an issue of nothing to say no. You share photos yourself, so why not let her do it? She’s obviously a proud grandma.

Original poster

alesha123445 · 19/05/2020 18:33

I guess I just feel weird with the pictures being just of my little one. if she was being held by a family member or if it was an occasion, a day out itd feel different to her posting a bunch of photos just of my baby alone? ill admit I'm over protective right now so maybe I am over thinking, plus she has thousands of facebook friends and theres a worry deep down about the amount of people I dont know seeing her.

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Dillybear · 19/05/2020 18:36

I think it’s considerate of her to ask you actually - lots of relatives wouldn’t. Have you thought about why you don’t want her to? I think that’s really key to what you do.

If it’s to do with privacy concerns, I would definitely understand that. Having said that, I don’t know a lot about Facebook, so could be misunderstanding here, but if you put photos of your baby up and your MIL likes or comments on them, would her friends not see them anyway? If you’re worried about privacy then I wouldn’t put any photos of your DC online, and it seems a bit hypocritical to say that she can’t but you can.

If it’s more about not wanting someone else to ‘show off’ your baby, well part of me understands that too. We’re not getting to do a lot of that in lockdown! But, I do think if that’s the reason then, if it were me, I’d let her do it even if it made me feel a bit grumpy. She’s a grandma who wants to show off her grandchild! In this strange time, it’s probably one of the only ways she can feel close to her granddaughter. Maybe if you agree on a couple that she can post, you would enjoy seeing others’ reactions to your DD.

All that said, she’s your baby and if you don’t want her to then just say no.

Feelthefear01 · 19/05/2020 18:37

Your totally in your rights to refuse without even giving a reason. When my little one is born I will refuse point blank to let anyone post picks on social media with the reason being 'because I said so'. Your child, your choice.

Greysparkles · 19/05/2020 18:43

I think it's lovely that she's such a proud grandma, and obviously wants to show off your gorgeous baby to her friends.

Ughmaybenot · 19/05/2020 18:43

It’s up to you at the end of the day. I think I do understand what you’re saying, sort of, but do think you’re being a bit precious, given that it would be fine in your eyes for a photo of her and someone else to be posted but not just of her.
A good compromise, as suggested upthread, might be that she could share the photos you post? That way they’re already ‘out there’ so to speak.

ScarletZebra · 19/05/2020 18:56

My DS and DIL told the whole family on day 1 that we couldn't put pictures of DGC on FB. I have colleagues who never post their DC's photos on social media and assumed it was the same, but no, they both post.

DS says it's their child so it's up to them but he knows that all of us have our FB locked down to just friends so there is no "danger" in posting. Not only that, we aren't even allowed to mention DGC at all.

FF 2 years and I recently joined Instagram, only to find my DIL has posted loads of photos of DC on there. No privacy on Instagram so anyone anywhere can see the photos, but I'm still not allowed to show my friends a photo of my grandchild.

Can't help feeling it's nothing to do with DGC's privacy and everything to do with the fact that I'm her MIL.

OP, is it just your MIL who can't post, or your own DM too? TBH I fully get the not wanting the child to have a social media profile, but if you are posting photos of her, why can't other people? Just so long as her profile is private I can't see what harm it can do.

RedCouch · 19/05/2020 18:58

Your baby, go with gut and what you're comfortable with

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/05/2020 19:06

Considerate of her to ask and at the end of the day it is your choice but I don't think you should do it if you don't want others to.

Spam88 · 19/05/2020 19:07

Totally reasonable to say no - you know who your friends are, you don't know who hers are. Although then you say you'd be happy for her to share pictures of the baby if she was in them, so I'm not sure what in particular your concern is?

scarlet do you mean she doesn't have her Instagram set to private, or that there's no privacy on Instagram full stop? You can set your profile to private on there. I rarely post pictures of the kids on fb because I've got a few hundred friends, but I posy every day on Instagram and limit my account to close family and friends only.

redcarbluecar · 19/05/2020 19:08

I think it's good that she asked, and perfectly reasonable to say no. I know loads of people who don't have pics of their babies on social media - nothing weird about it. If your MIL wants her friends to see her grandchildren, maybe WhatsApp?

Lockdownlover · 19/05/2020 19:13

If you’re posting them then it’s not an issue of trying to protect your dc’s privacy. I don’t see the issue as a result. If you do though, maybe tell her she can WhatsApp them to any friends she likes. She’s just proud and wants to show her off. Don’t, however, say no to her and then allow your own family to post at a later stage.

Original poster

alesha123445 · 19/05/2020 19:20

I really appreciate the fact she asked. Deep down I think the problems that she wants to post 7 pictures and they are all ones I have took, I was haveing special moments with her and they are pictures of my memories? But if she of taken the pictures I'd feel so much happier with it?

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Dyrne · 19/05/2020 19:35

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Under normal circumstances I can see how you may feel like she’s “stealing” your experiences with your daughter; but at the moment there literally isn’t any other option. She can’t see her GC at the moment to make her own memories and take her own photos, so she doesn’t have any choice other than to use yours.

shirleyschmidt · 19/05/2020 19:40

Personally I think you're massively overthinking it. MIL must love the pics you've taken and wants to show off her grandchild - and has no pics of her own to use. It just seems a shame to deny that pleasure to a thoughtful grandmother for no real reason - but it's obviously up to you.

Spam88 · 19/05/2020 19:43

In that case I think you're being unreasonable, sorry!

Gazelda · 19/05/2020 19:46

What does your DP/DH think?

Laaalaaaa · 19/05/2020 20:01

Mine always asks and she knows it’s ok but only for certain photos as some photos I want for family only.

Temple29 · 19/05/2020 20:56

I think it’s fine to tell her you don’t want anyone putting photos up on social media, it’s your choice ultimately.

My brother had loads of pictures of my baby on his Instagram and had captioned them with messages about mental health for some reason. I asked him and all other family members to not post pictures of my child anymore and delete what was already posted. I’m also not on social media so didn’t realize that had happened until I was told by a friend.

It doesn’t matter how excited people are, you don’t have to feel bad for saying no.

sauvignonblancplz · 19/05/2020 21:00

Awww flip let her post one it’s not going to do any harm. Unless your friend group is of only your 10 closest mates I’m afraid the protecting them from predators you don’t know isn’t actually feasible.

I understand your hesitation but it’s very good communication that she’s asked , let her tear on and enjoy showing off her granddaughter .

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