Family member asked if she can post pictures of my little one on facebook, is the way I'm feeling selfish?

[alesha123445]

Hi everyone, my little girl is 13 weeks old. I post the odd picture of her now and then on social media. I know people have different views on that but its just something I like to do every so often.
My mil has asked if she can put some pictures up of her but I feel weird about someone else doing it? Is that selfish? She is waiting for a reply and I feel conflicted, I want to say no but I dont really know why? One part of me wants to say yes too. Maybe it's because all the pictures she has are what I've took due to lockdown, I just dont know..

I dont know what answers I'm after I'm just confused, am I being selfish?

Could you do some screenshots from a video call showing both grandma and baby? Then it’s more of a genuine thing and has the added bonus of the picture being a bit fuzzy.
I don’t let anyone else post pictures but I don’t post any or mention the children myself either.

My DS is 5 months old and everyone was told not to post anything online. I have actually stopped sending pictures to family members as they send them on to other people without asking let alone share them on Facebook. I totally agree that they are your memories and they aren't for the whole world to see (or the entirety of your MIL's friend list!). There is no mention of our DS online so unless you speak to us regularly you wouldn't even know we'd had a baby!

Hmm, but she can't take her own pics at the moment can she.

To me a picture sent electronically to a grandparent isn't so different from sending a few small pictures through the post (or in person) that they may keep in their wallet and show to their friends. Or have framed and keep in their house. Maybe you could take some pictures specifically for her to share? Since she can't take her own at the moment. I think it's totally normal to want to share news and pictures of a new grandchild and a lovely thing to do as she is proud. If you would be happy with her sharing pictures she has taken I think you should allow her to share pictures she has from you at the moment because she can't visit in person. But it wouldn't be unreasonable to take some pictures specifically for her. Maybe a little odd but not wrong.

I personally don’t see the issue

I let her post 3 out of 7, I thought 7 was a bit out. She never tagged me but is what it is, I was over thinking it

The way you feel about it makes sense to me. I would maybe tell her you're very happy for her to post any pictures she takes herself in future, but could she pick just one of yours. Compromise?

I feel completely happy and content with the fact shes posted, theres a first for everything and now it's happened I realise how much I was over thinking it all. I hated all the comments about how my little one looks like her and my partner, I get left out. People say she got their looks and I feel left out like people forget that shes part me too and I'm the mum. Ah well, it's all sorted now :)

Also I want add I take a lot of time with the photos, I do mini shoots it felt a bit weird to allow someone else to use what I took a long time to create, shes posted 3 and I feel good about that.

We have a rule of no photos of my baby alone and people have to ask us first... MIL randomly changed her profile picture to mega zoomed in picture of my baby alone without asking and was told by me and my partner to take it down and reasons why.... tbh I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t ask and respect your wishes whatever they may be. It’s your kid. Also there are stories now of high school kids being bullied because other kids found their baby photos on fb so I think my daughter will probably thank me when she’s a teenager for stopping granny from having her as her profile picture lol.

We’ve never shared photos of our children on social media (i don’t count WhatsApp to known groups) and I have asked family not to either. I don’t think that’s selfish. I think it’s sensible to give our children the opportunity to decide how they want to share their own image when they’re older.

I’ve noticed a lot of friend shared pictures of their younger children but don’t when they get older.

I’m glad you came to a compromise OP.

I get it, when you’ve got a new baby hormones make you feel a bit territorial!

Try not to let the comments bother you - if you think about it logically, it makes sense that your MIL friends are going to comment on how she looks compared to her - they don’t know you! It’d be very weird if someone posted a photo and friends started commenting on a complete stranger!

Not selfish. I put pictures on social media but say no to family doing the same. Mainly for the reason I know who my friends are, but not theirs

How do you know they aren’t downloading them and sharing elsewhere/emailing to friends/printing out?

Nope not unreasonable I won't be posting any pictures of mine and have made it clear to family not to do the same !

That's a good compromise, and I'm sure MIL appreciates it.
I've never been able to see a resemblance between me and my DD who is now 12. And it used to sting when people commented on how much she looks like her dad.

But it's gone in waves - sometimes she looks like me, or I can see the similarities between her and my sis. Or I can see mannerisms which definitely come from my side of the family.

Don't let it upset you. She's your little girl and will develop into a lovely combination of both sides of her family.

If you have already posted pictures of your child on social media, then you might as well let others do the same. Once pictures are out there, that's it, end of privacy. If you don't want others posting pictures, don't do it yourself.

I am sorry but I honestly do not understand the need to show off a baby on Facebook, just send all your friends and family pics via WhatsApp. Don't post babies for likes!!!

Look, when you have a baby you go a bit mad, it’s standard but I’m pretty sure you’ll look back and laugh at the fact you felt protective over pics because you took them 😂 Don’t waste time of stuff like this. Let the woman show off her Grandchild. It’s just a baby to everyone else. They’ll look at it for a millisecond

I think everyone is entitled to do it their way.

I don't think you're being selfish at all!! You child doesn't have a voice, so you are able to control their social media presence.

I only post pictures of dcs infrequently, so for the first year of their life I did a monthly photo, but then as dd has gotten older I've shared more, basically cute things. I have a family member who basically uses Facebook as a photostorage and uploads EVERYTHING the extended family love this as they get to see her dds and ds with daily updates. I'm more inclined to send pics into the family WhatsApp group.

I've never stopped anyone posting pictures of dcs, but thankfully most of them just post one or two selfies when they're with them, which isn't a huge deal. But everyone is different. My best friend had 3 sons, if you didn't know her and just looked at her socials, you wouldn't think she has any children.

But Scarlett if your DIL Instagram doesn't have password protection just let your friends know and they can have a look at the photos of your grandchild on there.

I am sorry but I honestly do not understand the need to show off a baby on Facebook, just send all your friends and family pics via WhatsApp. Don't post babies for likes!!!

I don’t understand this - why is it OK to individually send Photos of your baby to friends and family but “doing it for likes” if you post it once on Facebook so that the exact same people can see it there? (In fact I’d argue it’s even less entitled, as a specific WhatsApp has an expectation of responding whereas people can just scroll past on FB).

@Dyme fair enough if you limit the audience on FB to the specific people you’d have Whatsapped the pics to. I sometimes wish more people would do this before loading endless kid photos onto FB.

Glad you found something that works for you both OP. I don't think you would have been unreasonable to say no though (as long as you said the same to all family) as you have control over your own social media settings, but not others who go on to post them.