To not play first thing in morning

[arianwe]

I've got 2 children - (nearly 3 & a newborn).
Older child quite needy, wants attention all day. I do my best to spend quality time with her.

Obviously I am also up a lot in the night feeding newborn which leaves me somewhat knackered in the morning. My eldest has started waking up at about 5am and running in to my room and demanding I play. I normally do, but was far too tired this morning.

I took her downstairs made her brekkie, a drink and put the telly on (don't kill me), while I lay on the sofa for half hour. I explained that mummy was really tired and needs a little rest. She must have asked me to play about 600 times while I lay there and looked really upset, saying she doesn't like playing alone and saying "what a shame that mummy doesn't want to play with me". Never felt so guilty in all my life. Am I doing some sort of damage to her?? Feel like I'm ruining her confidence/self esteem by saying no, but equally, I'm knackered.

She needs to learn that if she wakes up at 5am its too early to play. Don't say "im too tired" say "it's too early". Tell her youll play when its actually morning, and then set a time.

No. I know many parents who rarely 'played' with their kids. Set them up with toys and activities, yes, but getting down on the floor with them? No. It's a lovely thing to do but there are limits. Your child needs to learn the world does not revolve around her and she needs to share mummy with the baby and that mummy also needs to have time to do things for herself. Also can dad do some early morning time with her?

Do you have a DH? Can he not get up with her while you have a lie in? Take it you are doing the night feeds?
My eldest was like this, I used to make little “surprise” bags for him to go through which would buy me a bit more time to flake on the sofa. Just things like toys from the bottom of the box they forget about, plus random kitchen items!! It’s bloody exhausting, do what you have to to get through it, including lots of tv!! It will pass and your DD will be fine for being told no a few times, it will do her good. Take care OP

You need to give yourself a break

Nothing wrong with TV. But you also need to teach her that 5am is too early to get up.

I did the surprise bags the night before, and by bag, I mean pillowcase!!

I don't play or read until after Bing has been on. Pre-Bing it's breakfast, shower, coffee time.

Children need to learn that their wants do not come first all the time. Sometimes, yes, but there has to be a balance.

Why are you playing with her at 5am?!

Explain that it’s too early for playing and when it’s proper morning then you’ll play. Stick to this consistently so you don’t confuse her and she’ll soon feel happy and secure with her new routine.

Don't feel guilty, you're certainly not causing her any damage, just be very consistent that it's too early to play. Have you tried something like a gro-clock? You can set it so the sun lights up at a certain time, then tell her it's not play time until the sun comes up - she can play quietly in her room, but must not come in to mummy until then. It's been very successful with a lot of kids I've worked with. Learning to play on your own and entertain yourself is a really important life skill too

No, this is what they made cbeebies for! Hope you can get a nap in later.

My son wakes early too. He's 2.5 and knows full well if he's up before 6 then we are hanging out in bed for a bit! (hanging out = him watching Netflix and me trying to snap myself out of zombie mode). You're not doing any damage. But I agree with pp tell her that she has woken up too early and you will play with her later rather than putting the blame on you!

5am is a crazy time for a 3yo to be getting up. You absolutely shouldn’t be encouraging her by playing or even putting on tv. Get a grow clock. Set it for 5.30 initially and then inch the wake up time to something more reasonable like 6.30 minimum.

More generally it’s also fine to refuse to play during the day. Being a good Parent doesn’t mean saying yes to every want. My older 2 are 5.5 and just turned 4 and understand they have to wait while I do things for the baby or hang out washing or even just sit down for a few minutes.

Thank you both for the responses. I will definitely start the "it's too early" phrase. We bought a Gro clock about a year ago, so maybe I will get that back out of the cupboard and set it up and tell her I'll play when it gets to 7/8 ish and see how that goes.

Brill idea about setting up activities for her in the morning. Dad would definitely do some mornings for me if I asked. He currently has the baby until about 1230 at night so that I can have a few hours of interrupted sleep and then I've been doing the mornings so he can get sleep too. But a couple of days a week of him doing the mornings is a good idea.

Thanks both

I don’t play until 9am when we are all up and dressed. Before then it’s breakfast, tidy kitchen, sort clothes for day and sit down!

I don't play until breakfast, showers and basic housework are done. DS can watch TV or play independently, his choice.

Mine wake at 5:30-6 But I have a strict 7am rule. They have telly and a drink but that's all until 7am. Go with it's too early. Set a time that you will play. 5am is too early to play and you'll have used all you've got before the end of the day.
Balance is key. Telly is fine in moderation.

Amazing ideas from everyone, thank you!!

She used to wake up about 7/8 but since the baby got here it's been more like 5am. Horrific time to wake up. Was hoping it might just be a phase. She hasn't taken well to being a big sister at all and is incredibly jealous and trying anything to get me to spend time with her!

Definitely going to try these suggestions x

I don’t play until we’ve done breakfast, got dressed, fed the animals and I’ve done some housework. DS can watch tv or play with his toys during that time but he knows to keep himself busy.

When my ds was the same age he was an early riser. I made it clear that mummy needed a cup of tea before I would play and I put on cbeebies for him. I would do colouring in on the sofa etc but any full on playing after my cup of tea. I still do this as it encourages him to wake up to early if he thinks I'm going to play with him as soon as he gets out of bed.

If my toddler wakes up at 5am on weekends, I change her nappy and get her a drink, then put the tv on and she watches it in bed with me while I snooze for an hour or so. Once it was 2 hours. It's not my finest hour but she's fine and happy. If she was asking me to play that would be more difficult. I think it's fine to say no and to set a time at which playing will start. Don't feel bad!

My 2.5yo wakes at 6am. I don't play with him properly until about 9am really. I also reiterate "it's too early" if he starts wanting to do some noisy play first thing

Everything before 9am is TV, coffee for me, breakfast, getting a wash etc
I usually set him up with a train track or some playdoh and he quite happily plays independently for a bit, can't see it doing harm cos we do plenty later on when I am slightly feeling more human

I havearly 3 year old and a 4 month old....eldest is currently on the iPad, baby is sitting in her bouncer and I'm have a cup of tea! We do this every morning...no way I could start playing at 5:00am....maybe around 10:00

Is she old enough to understand one of those clocks that have a moon and a sun on it?

If the moon is up, she has to stay in bed/play in her room. If the sun is up its all ok and she can 'get up' properly.

She needs to learn to play independently. Have a look at Janet Lansbury approach to child directed play

Also definitely agree about the GroClock - age 3 she can understand she stays in her room until it changes to yellow

Never have I got up to play at 5am. I wouldn't play immediately upon getting up whatever the time. Could you get her a Gro clock and tell her that she's not to come in before 7 ( or a time you prefer)?