Class teacher issues

[lovehissmile]

Hello mums

Hope you all coping well with the lockdown. Been a big fan of Mumsnet, got lots useful advice from you all, never feel like I had to post something until...

DS is at Reception in a State school (August born, might not be relevant). He enjoyed his school and seems to like his class teacher.

We both work full-time, so son goes to BC and ASC most days in a week. However, I always tried to attend his Friday reading session and pick up at 3:30pm on the same day and Parents evenings to ensure I can see his class teacher for updates.

The teacher is in her 20s, newish to teaching. She seems loving and caring and son likes her. But...i strongly feel she avoids conversation with me when i turn up for pickup (zero word with husband so far). For example, avoid my keen eye contacts as I approached her for a conversation, she would turn her back to me or (pretend) to do something??? When I actually can catch her, she would not say more than 2 sentences then cut it short??She never gave me any face to face updates except once when DS just started school (I take it as it is mandatory for all parents). But, she always have long conversations with other parents. As for DS, I attended a couple of sit in classes, and felt her interaction with/attention to DS was next to nothing (didn't encourage him to answer questions, didn't check his class works, but she did that with other kids).

Today, I was really really upset :-(

We have been uploaded homework to tapestry through out the lockdown. Every Friday, the Star of the Week is announced. Well, all good. So we uploaded loads phonics, maths, reading, arts and crafts, etc every week for at least 2 -4 times a week.

I promised to get DS a kinder egg if he got the award and used that as an encouragement for home schooling. He really buys that and wants to be the star of the week. To add, this award is a continuous from week 1 at school.

He has never got one from his teacher. I am only aware of this thing from overheard conversations from the teacher and other parents like before Christmas. Don't know what qualify for that, but DS told me the kids got it "listen to instructions, being kind, line up properly etc".

Anyways, during lockdown, looking at the comments on Taspastry, the kids got it because they do the addition and subtraction, make something, writing cooking ingredients etc. So I feel it is doable and really want to help him to "win" once for encouragement.

To add, we have been consistently uploading the similar quality of work every week with different subjects.

This week, I uploaded pictures and videos of him of the following:

1. a picture of 24 Oxford Reading Tree Band 2 books with him in it along a video of him reading it (as he completed it)
2. a picture and video showing he learnt sizes and measurements (16 pages completed of a workbook)
3. 5 mathematic worksheet (30 questions each sheet showing his correct and wrong answers, 80% accuracy, and his rework on wrong answers)
4. A science experiments video as a"wild" factor.

She commentted positively and gave the thumb up. But, then gave the award to another person because : keeping up with learning (didn't specify what), made a playdough caterpillar and wrote sentences using tricky words.

As far as I know, its not the first time this child gets star of the week, so as other previous "winners".

I nearly cried. I was upset, angry, annoyed, disappointed.... Don't get me wrong! I am happy for the kid and whoever gets it. I am just confused why HE never has one. I just wanted him to be encouraged and felt a bit of pride as a result if his good actions. I just wanted his teacher sees his progress (he could only draw circles when joining school, in her own words, in a parent's evening).

I did thought about send her a message, but don't want to feel like asking for an award :-(

Is it not enough? What can I do differently?

@maddy68 good point, i really don't need an update every time! I do greet her with smile and hellos though. I guess after school or before school are not a good time in general.

OP I can’t add anything to the excellent advice, but can I just remark you’ve taken it really well.

@OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe eagle eye! Yes, I am Chinese, but... I am no "Tiger Mum" in any ways. My expectations for him is only to achieve what's expected with a little stretch if possible. I did mention my standards are hash, but i never let him feel it or aware of it (maybe except yesterday). So I won't say:80% is not good enough, you need 100%. Instead, I will say : wow, you have got 8 rights and 2 wrong. Let's see what is going on with these 2, try again and see if WE can fix them.

You are right that there are cultural differences. It is an element contributing to a lot of things since nursery and now school, but I generally take a balanced view and will learn to adjust. Thanks for your comments, they are really helpful.

If she's new to teaching she may well have failed to keep a list of previous stars and not realise that she's missed your son. In all seriousness, email her and point it out, then ask if there is a particular reason for it. I'd couch it as, 'Hi Miss X, DS has been a little demotivated recently because he's never been given star of the week, while other children have had it multiple times. He wants to know if there's anything he can do to improve and I said I'd ask you for him. I know it's not important and have tried to explain that but he really seems to have become quite focussed on it. Do you have a message I can pass on to him?'

But yes, never again promise a reward based on something neither of you can control.

Or, more simply, 'Are you planning to give every child star of the week? Only, DS hasn't had it yet and has been wondering if he'll ever get it and I'd like to manage his expectations.'

@MsJuniper Unfortunately there is no such appointments with his school. This was actually one of the first questions I asked, but the answer was PE or I am here. That's why I took the 2nd option when I got to see her. To be honest, I am not after lengthly chats anyways, I am just wondering if there's anything we can do at home to support him based on her observations, this is not limited to academic progress but also behaviour, emotional etc too.

On his last school day, she was surrounded by parents asking questions, but I only asked her if it is still possible to get his term report by email. Then she said yes, and I left.

As for going forward, I will trial and error, and adjust all along. Every teacher is different anyways. Thanks for your advice, it is really helpful

@Eastie77 I was too upset to search in the forum last night, so just spilled the beans out!

Thanks for bringing comfort (not sure that's the right word) that I am not alone.

I can totally understand your point and feel the same as you about the name mentioning thing, he is the same too! Sometimes I just wondering should I bothered uploading, it is such an effort to homeschool, record, upload, write, on top of full time wfh, cooking and other things! Just as I was wondering, the school sent an email about keeping in touch. Ok, I will do it. You are absolutely right that there are bigger things to worry about. I will focus on the positives and try don't let things like this get me

@Littleshortcake I love the little Pound shop things. My favourites are stickers, pens, notebooks. I am quite new to setting up an internal/home rewarding systems though. The first ones I set up are : a kinder egg if he completes his reading diary (the entire book), another egg if he know the 100 HFWs set out on the front page of the reading diary by being able to say it and make a sentence without help. an egg again if he can write 1-100 by himself. an egg if he got star of the week.He seems to like it and so far got 2 eggs (reading and numbers). I think the goals might be stretching too long, you are right that, I can look to set up some instant wins

@boscoismyspiritanimal that's why I wrote the panic thread at 1am

@fourplasticrings I felt like walking to her office and chose your option 2 yesterday, but now I will do option 1

When my son was younger they worked it out so every child had it atleast once.

Sorry OP I just see you have said other children have had it multiple times. Definately speak with the teacher and find out why he has been missed out. Fingers crossed he gets it next time!

@Ilovecats14 If I were a teacher, I would make sure everyone gets one too. Will talk to her. Thanks for your comments.

I teach infants, and would be mortified if I realised I’d missed a child for star of the week. This year I have my list of recipients on the school portal, but previously I always had a sheet stuck up in my cupboard - and given how much there was to do when the schools closed I’m pretty sure the list would have been left in the classroom. I’d be grateful for a heads up that I’d missed your ds out.

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies yes, lots teachers here commented the same. I now feel better to msg her to understand the expectations. Thanks for your comments.

Hi op, I’ve not read the full thread. I’m an early years teacher. I don’t do star of the week. They are all starts at this age. However, those of us that do often pick the less able children first as soon as we catch them doing anything that would be deemed fitting of an award. The able kids like your DS are children that we know will pull it out of the bag all of the time. We save them for the weeks that no one else pull something spectacular out of the bag. Perhaps she is saving him for the night st the end of the year. Try not to worry. Your support and his achievements won’t have gone unnoticed.
here is a gold star to keep you going for now.