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Parenting

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Original poster

First baby, worried about gender?

63 replies

KAD14 · 03/05/2020 15:34

Okay so....we are trying to conceive our first child. My husband has 3 boys from a previous relationship. I have no children of my own.

I have always dreamed of having girls and because my husband already has boys he’d love a girl too.

I was raised by my single Mum and she is absolutely my best friend. We are really close, talk all the time and love going out for days together. I really hope I have a girl so I could have the same relationship with my daughter.

My question is, is it possible to have the same type of relationship with a son? I mean as they grow up? I’ve always thought when boys become men they have less to do with their Mother’s and eventually if they get married they’d spend more time with the wife’s family. As generally daughters are closer to their Mum.

The thought of not having the same kind of relationship with my child, that I have with my Mum fills be with dread. And I genuinely worry it won’t the the same if I don’t have a girl. It really scares me that my husband can only produce boys??

Am I being stupid? What experience do people with adult sons have? Is it the same as a Mother/Daughter relationship?

Thanks

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BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/05/2020 18:09

I do get what you’re saying my post doesnt come across well or how I meant it. I’m so tired. Any child is great that is true and I am so grateful I could even have children. I was saying they are the best really to point out to Op that boys are great too. Of course if I had girls they would be the best too! A child is a child and I’m grateful for either.

Lockdown brain is getting to us all. I’m also snappier because I’ve had several people ask if I wish I was having a boy this time for one of each. Nope. I just wanted a baby after a year TTC!

Blogdog · 03/05/2020 18:18

Buy an ovulation kit I used it twice and have 2 girls everyone I know who used clear blue also have girls

I wouldn’t rely on this as a sex selection method. I used them three times and have three (wonderful) boys.

Dangerousminds · 03/05/2020 19:10

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Yes I’ve had someone ‘feeling sorry’ for me having boys. It makes me so angry and I suppose threads like this make me a bit defensive of boys. Which it shouldn’t as I see how that came across.
We are also hoping to have another child one day and I’ve had lots of laughing ‘you’ll be hoping for a girl then’, ahhh no I’ll be hoping for a healthy baby. It makes me so sad that people might think I’ll only want a girl and will be ‘disappointed if I have boy. I’d be so happy either way. Anyway that’s probably my own thread for another day!

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amazedmummy · 03/05/2020 19:11

Me my mum and my sister are so close, there's very few boys in my family. I was so convinced I would have a girl that when I found out at 18 weeks she was a he I was kind of in shock. However DS is now 5 months and the best wee guy ever. I can't even contemplate wanting any other child. I know it's a cliche but you'll love him/her no mater what they are.

Abouttimemum · 03/05/2020 19:18

I tried to conceive for so long and had losses etc and so when I did fall pregnant I was falling over myself to tell people that I didn’t care about the sex so long as the baby was healthy.
But oh man inside I was really desperate for a boy and when he came out I was beside myself with happiness.
But I honestly have no doubt I’d feel exactly the same if he’d been female.

It’s all very weird - I’m one of several sisters who are all really close and equally close to both of our parents too. I have no idea why I felt the way I did about having a boy.

HarrietM87 · 03/05/2020 19:19

I’m really close to my MIL and see her more often than I do my own mum because they live closer. She’s a fantastic grandma and my son adores her.

This is a silly thing to worry about because if you have a little boy you will love every hair on his head and will realise what a fool you were to wish for anything else. All I wanted when I was pregnant, after 3 mcs, was a healthy baby. I got one and I couldn’t be happier.

NoRoomInBed · 03/05/2020 19:21

Honestly I have a better bond with my 2 boys just now than my DD though it could just be her being a teenager.

JacobReesMogadishu · 03/05/2020 19:23

Having a daughter does not mean you’ll have that sort of relationship.

I haven’t spoken to my mother in six years. My sister hasn’t either.

My teen Dd is an independent so and so. We get on ok but she says she’s leaving home and moving to London as soon as she can and won’t be coming to visit very often!

aimzxd · 04/05/2020 07:11

My mum cant get rid of my 24 year old brother! They have an amazing relationahip. He takes her to lunch at least once a fortnight (pre lockdown). He's close to our dad too but they have a different relationship. Also my 17 week old DS always wants comfort from me when he's upset. Hopefully we'll have the same relationship my mum and brother do (ps Im also very close to my mum in a best friend kind of way). I always thought I wanted a girl but when I got pregnant I was so worried I just wanted a healthy baby (I didnt find out I was pregnant for 30 weeks, bit of a shock and DS had to be delivered by csection at 35 weeks as my placenta stopped working).

ThinkPink71 · 04/05/2020 12:04

My brother is very close to my mum...we all are.

My DP is very close to his parents....but his brother is less so. I think it depends on the individual & how they have been brought up :)

Im sure you will be very close and have an amazing bond with the little or boy of girl xx

emmetgirl · 04/05/2020 12:12

My daughter is now 25 and I only have her. When I was pregnant I really really wanted a girl - I think it's because my mother is/was a fucking nightmare. I never told anyone this at the time as I was genuinely worried that I'd feel disappointed if I had a boy. Well as it turned out I did have a girl but I like to think that once my baby arrived it wouldn't have mattered. I'll never know though. I'm sure that won't help but I think this is probably much more common that people think because we don't say it out loud.

itsnotcakeitsbaby · 04/05/2020 17:23

I am a daughter and I don't have the relationship you describe with my mum - she's lovely and I love her to bits but we're not best friends or even confidants, I wouldn't go to her first if I needed help etc. That's no reflection on her it's just the way it is. We're closer to DH's parents than we are to mine. You really can't predict this stuff.

Also agree with the PP who said that if you do decide to have a child, when the baby comes out you will not be heartbroken. You will be 100% in love and you'll wonder why you were ever worried at all.

Cutesbabasmummy · 04/05/2020 17:27

We both wanted a girl and we have a little boy. He is boy number 5 out of 6 boy cousins from my DH and his 2 younger brothers! The other afternoon we sat and cuddled up and watched beauty and the beast together! He is adorable and very loving and I couldn't imagine having any other child than him!

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