Asking for food

[forsucksfake]

Do your DC have to ask you for food or snacks or can they help themselves at will? If they have to ask you, at what age will they be able to stop asking and just help themselves?

I was raised to help myself unless it involved hot liquids or cooking until I could manage the stove/microwave safely. Raising DC the same way.

A good friend insists that her DC ask for permission to eat anything .in the house. I think it is controlling and strange. But of course, I was raised far too well to mention that to her.

Just curious about what other people think.

I was raised to ask permission. I don't think I'll allow free reign over snacks because kids will choose to eat just before meals or I won't know when something needs replenishing. But I'm aiming to be less strict.

DS is 3, he will ask or will sometimes go and get something from the snack box or sneak a biscuit. He's not very sneaky because I hear him drag his steps across the kitchen. If he's gone to get something I either open it for him or explain that it will have to wait until after a meal and he can have it if he's still hungry then.

Little children aren't known for their impulse control - if i had been allowed to help myself to whatever i wanted i would have finished every packet of biscuits that entered the house in minutes.

I was raised far too well to mention that to her

Of course you were.

Interesting. So far I am the strange one.

Good point about children and self-regulation. But I think having free rein taught me to be considerate of others. In order to maintain good relations with my siblings, I had to learn to share, to respect others' preferences (not eating something I wasn't too fussed about that I knew a sibling really liked) and to never eat the last one.

That is funny about your son's lack of stealth. Kids are so guileless.

Mine have to ask unless it's fruit. My pre teen would eat everything in the cupboards if I let him help himself

@forsucksfake it sounds like you were raised absolutely perfectly, by saints, and are consequently now a saint yourself, raising future generations of tiny saints. I'm sure your angelic nature and irreproachable upbringing will allow you to cut the rest of us mere mortals some slack, especially if our toddlers haven't yet mastered the art of altruistic self-denial.

We expect them to ask although DSD is now 12 and in the past year I’ve made a differentiation between what she can help herself to (fruit, yoghurt, snacks that she specifically requested and are hers) and what she needs to ask for (things for meals pretty much). It works well as she knows that the mini choc bars she eats, crisps or chocolate mousses I’ll only buy once a week/fortnight for example so once she’s eaten them all that’s it so she’s good at regulating herself.

Mine asks and then completely disregards my answer either way and helps herself. She’s almost 5. When people say their kids have to ask - how do you stop them if you say no?

I say help yourself.
If your hungry...Eat!
We get HunAnrgy it is not good.

user1493413286 Like your DSD my siblings and I soon figured out that since shopping was done once a week, we had to make the snacks last. I was also the youngest, so perhaps that helped. And my kids are learning the same lesson. When the snacks are gone, they are gone for the week.

Crabbo I do wonder if that is how my mother came to her decision. A battle she chose not to fight, I guess.

Always had to ask, until teens.
I'd not say no for no good reason, but eating anything just before a meal/ constant snacking/eating meal ingredients is an absolute no.

Ds isnt really a snacker but on the rare occasion he needs a snack he'll ask. He's 10.

Mine(aged between 4 and 9) ask, they have a snack bowl that they can choose from and I just top it up every few days.
I don’t feel it is controlling, I rarely say no(unless I’m about to make a meal in which case I say to wait for your meal).

When people say their kids have to ask - how do you stop them if you say no?

How do you stop your kid doing anything if you say no?

Parenting?

Mine always check with me first. We’re all over the place with our mealtimes due to different daily routines, so they make sure I’m not about to cook something before they start snacking

My friend's daughter is 6, and I noticed that she has to ask her mother for permission for even a glass of water. That is what I found particularly controlling and what got me thinking about this.

I can see that so far "free rein" snacking and eating is in the minority.

Are you talking about snack as opposed to meals? Mine ask, I don’t think I ever said they had to but they do, maybe it comes from the days when it was in a less accessible cupboard and now the little ones ask because the big ones do, I don’t know.

They also ask me for drinks because they would rather try to get me to do it then get it themselves

Mine all ask for snacks, even the teen. I don't feel that children need to snack all day. It's not good for there teeth either if they are always snacking

I never had to ask but it was just me and mum. I'd probably have asked if it was the last of something, but normal snack stuff or fruit, making a sandwich etc I'd just help myself.

And yes, the 'good' snacks only got replenished with the weekly shop, so if I ate everything on day 1 then I'd have none for the next six days I don't remember ever eating lots at once though. Except at Halloween!

Mine got to the point where they were helping themselves and I was mindlessly replenishing all the "snack" food thinking my husband had been giving it to them (I rarely saw them eating). Turns out that they were just nicking taking it without asking. So we had words with them and they've stopped. In our case one of our children had put on some weight so we were keen to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand (she loves food a bit too much, like her mother 😩). I don't think it's ok for young children to take what they like as they just abuse it and can't regulate properly. My secondary school age DD isn't really motivated by food, but I'd still rather she asked as she is the one most likely to eat loads right before dinner or something.

When I was little my mum never explicitly said I had to ask for snacks but I always did, because my older sisters did.

She almost never said no though unless she was about to make tea or something.

Eventually when I got to about 14 when my sisters were adults and didn't ask, I stopped too.

Free reign.
We have a dinner shelf in the fridge that's not to be touched but that's it.

If my dd didn't have to ask for snacks she would be the size of a small town within weeks!

She asks for food about every 30 mins.

Mine all ask. I am on a limited budget and like to ensure everyone gets treats.