Asking for food

[forsucksfake]

Do your DC have to ask you for food or snacks or can they help themselves at will? If they have to ask you, at what age will they be able to stop asking and just help themselves?

I was raised to help myself unless it involved hot liquids or cooking until I could manage the stove/microwave safely. Raising DC the same way.

A good friend insists that her DC ask for permission to eat anything .in the house. I think it is controlling and strange. But of course, I was raised far too well to mention that to her.

Just curious about what other people think.

We always asked (or were supposed to anyway). Until maybe 15 years old. And even then we were expected to use moderation (not eat all the snacks, etc). I intend to raise my kids the same way. I know everyone's different but I'd find it really rude for a child to just help themselves without asking. Like pp's said, they can't self regulate and would probably eat all the snacks (I definitely would have...) and also it's just polite to ask.

Not for a glass of water though, that one's ott !

@crabbo

You parent, that's how.

Mine never asked, I offered food at approximate times, kids don't need to constantly snack, it's why there's so many overweight kids

We used to help ourselves to bread, cheese, sandwich meat, crisps, biscuits, fruit...

The crisps and biscuits were limited supply though so when they ran out that was it. Crisps were never on offer in school holidays, they were really for packed lunches so if we ate them at home we might not get any in our lunch if we ran out. I remember having crisps in September lunches each year at school after not having them all summer and thinking how horrible they tasted, like grease 😂 would take me a while to get used to them again.

We would NEVER open a sealed packet of something without asking though. This included biscuits and crisps (multipacks, pringles etc). The reason being that they might not be for us but for Brownies or Sunday school, or for a special occasion.

I was in absolute shock when at my boyfriends parents house (now DH) one time when he just OPENED a sharing bag of crisps WITHOUT ASKING!!!! 😱 I actually shouted "no!" as he was doing it 😂

Mine had to ask when younger. I would say that changed when they got to around 11 maybe. Basically when they were old enough to make sensible decisions. They have been taught what kinds of foods they can help themselves to and what foods they should check with me first. They always ask before using the last of something.

We aren’t really a snacky household.

My son has to ask for food, if he was given free reign he would eat until he was sick or raid the bin. He doesn’t have to ask for a drink unless it’s a treat drink like a glass of ribena.

Definitely never had to ask for a drink of water of course, thats just ridiculous.
I'd actually wonder if the family were abusive if that was the case.

Fruit bowl -help yourself
Other snacks -ask.
Otherwise what happens if they help themselves to biscuits/crisps and youre dishing up a meal in 30 mins? they would be too full to eat! Or what if you’ve bought biscuits for a coffee with friends & you get to the cupboard only to find a child has helped themselves?

They need to learn about sensible limits, they can’t do that if they help themselves when they feel like it.

@Pentium85
Sure ‘you parent’ but I’m asking literally what people do - say if you said no would your child accept that? Would they accept it if you explained? If they ran off with it anyway would you take it off them or let them have it? I personally think it’s not worth arguing over it so I usually just let them have free reign anyway, I’m just wondering how other people deal with it - or maybe your kids just unquestioningly accept everything you say at all times

DS (10) asks but I don’t think I’ve ever said he has to. It makes sense though. He asked for a packet of Skips 10 minutes before tea was ready tonight and I’d made a nice, big roast dinner, so if he’s have had the Skips, he wouldn’t have enjoyed the roast dinner as much.

@Crabbo, in answer to your question, yes he would just unquestioningly accept that the answer was no, there’s no way he’d take it anyway 😵

@crabbo so you seriously just let your 5yr old have their own way so you don't have to deal with the fallout? You are setting your child up for such a load of shit in their life! Christ almighty.

Saying no to small children isn't hard. They ask. You say no. They..

A) accept it. Yay
B) whine - you tell them to stop whining, warn them what will happen if they don't stop*, and then follow through if necessary
C) ignore you - you take the food off them, and discipline* them for disobeying you

DS is four and 100% has to ask. And ask he does, constantly, especially in lockdown. He’s very motivated by food and has been since infancy. The majority of the time that he wants to snack is because he’s bored / fancies it rather than being hungry. If I let him self regulated he would balloon!

*time out, removal of toys, removal of privilege etc

Do you genuinely let your children ignore you!?

@Crabbo He accepts no, he very rarely asks for food as we don’t really do snacks, so eating between meals isn’t an everyday thing here. He’s good with no as I’m consistent on what things are a yes and a no. Although yesterday he asked if I would horsey ride home (forty minute walk!) and he put on the most delightful strop show!

He would also make a huge mess if he didn’t have to ask, him trying to pour himself a cup of water is messy enough.

No makes children grumpy sometimes, but they need secure and regular boundaries. Boundaries help children understand what is happening around them, helps maintain routine, feel safe etc. Children need to know what to expect from trusted adults.

@crabbo

I'm a teacher, so I actually say 'no' to a large proportion of children daily (well, before the lockdown) and I say no to my DS18 months if what he is wanting or doing isn't acceptable.
It is of course absolutely fine to have free reign over many things, but not with food. Children lack the capability or understanding to know how much and what to eat. It was be a serious Concern to be if any parent let their child have free reign over food.

You say no. I then try and distract with something else (oh look at that car etc)
If they grabbed the snack and run off, I would go after them, remove the snack, get down to their level and explain in a low tone why I have said no and that their choice there was not a good one. If they proceeded to throw themselves on the floor and have a tantrum, I would leave them for 20 seconds, come back and pick them up, reiterate what I said and then distract again with something.

Parenting involves tough choices, and the best parents don't often take the easiest/laziest method.

And just for reference, children respond well and feel much more secure in a household that has boundaries and disciplines.

Additionally, there should be NO ARGUING involved. Arguing is when you have lost control. There is absolutely, when it is over a snack, no need for any arguing to take place or any raising of voices etc. You say no, and your decision is final.

Parenting should not become a battle of wills

Mine ask, I don't like them in the kitchen.

*Crabbo
*

My kids are still under 6 so that probably makes a difference but they need to ask. Inoften let them have a snack if I think they are genuinely hungry and not just bored/walking past the fruit bowl.

if I let them have free reign they would eat just before a meal and the youngest ones would just take two bites out of everything when bored. I constantly have half eaten fruit in the fruit bowl if I let them help themselves whenever the want.

Maybe I will do things differently when they are older.

It’s spelled FREE REIN , ffs.
Reign is something a queen does.

Children need limits and to learn sharing. Constantly eating between meals is not good for health, for planning, for money. Treats are by nature occasional.
Mine rarely asked because the answer would usually be no.

@Electrical Sorry, English isn’t my first language so I often pick the wrong homophone. I’ll try to remember the right version next time, no promises though!