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Original poster

10yo wants to kill himself help

37 replies

Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 00:14

So tonight my ds has twice took a knife to his room saying he wants to kill himself. He hasnt actually done anything and brought the knife to me each time, but shit where do I go from here?
Hes clearly not dealing with lockdown well hes stuck in his room bored 23hours a day ( he does come downstairs but not for long says it's boring goes back up). Hes a gamer but even the thought of another game of fifa is getting to him.
I have asked if anyone has upset him (he has WhatsApp with school mates no other social media) he says not. He just says he feels depressed all the time and wants to end it.
I'd say hes always been sensitive and intellectually mature beyond his years which I think does conflict with his emotional maturity.
Hes middle child from 3 brothers. Me and DH happy marriage fairly average family. He has good relationships with GP and lots of friends.
Help!

OP posts:
blue25 · 25/04/2020 00:18

He really shouldn’t be in his room for 23 hours a day. That would drive anyone insane. Why isn’t he doing school work?

You need to set up a timetable for the day which involves going outside, playing a family game, baking or other activities. 10 year olds aren’t capable of making the right choices for their own mental health.

Isadora2007 · 25/04/2020 00:21

He’s ten and spends all day in his room? That’s not healthy. Why isn’t he doing school work with his siblings and going out for exercise? How about films and projects and games etc?
How has his MH been before now? It seems rather extreme to now be threatening suicide age 10 after a month off school?

JustStayHome · 25/04/2020 00:23

Can you set a routine for the children?

Set time to get up.
School work
Family game
Outside time
Free time
School work
Family Exercise
Family movie
Free time

Set time for bed

No whatsapp during the other activities

Howmanysleepsnow · 25/04/2020 00:26

It’s an expression of despair. Bring him into your room tonight. And tomorrow talk, side by side, whilst walking. Tell him what you find hard. Listen to what he finds hard. Let him know it’s ok not to be ok. Hug him. Take a drive to exercise. Face time friends. Let him be your baby again. Lockdown is a lot for anyone to handle. Let him know he doesn’t have to be grown up about it.

ActuallyItsEugene · 25/04/2020 00:26

He's 10! Still very much a young child and has somehow managed to get a knife past you, up into his room, more than once!
Firstly, stop his access to anything he can injure himself with.

Get him out of his room. Don't just leave him up there, if he says he's bored ask him what he'd like to do.

Check his devices and make sure he doesn't have any other social media. Check WhatsApp and make sure no one is bullying him.

Make a plan for daily activities. What time are you going to do x, y, z? Make it visual so he can see exactly what's happening and when.

Bigbus · 25/04/2020 00:27

I think 23 hours a day in his room is a bit much. He’s only 10. Are you WFH? Can you spend some more time with him? Daily exercise out if the house? If none of that helps, school may take him back due to mental health concerns.

Howmanysleepsnow · 25/04/2020 00:28

And, contrary to other posters, don’t make him feel pressure to keep up a false routine. It’s ok to need a break. But if routine helps, great. You need do what’s right for him, right now. Only he can know what that is.

DiscoJanet · 25/04/2020 00:31

Why on earth is he is in his room for 23 hours a day?? I can only think this is a typo and you meant in the house 23 hours, just going out for an hour a day!

Yester · 25/04/2020 00:35

Go cold turkey on the gaming. For some kids it's fine for others it can cause real issues. My DS1 cannot go on for more than an hour a day without it massively effecting his mood. He had a massive violeent outburst about 2 weeks Ago and we banned him off all screens for a week and the change in him (from moody depressed teen to cheerful, engaged sometimes moody teen) was astounding. You are his mother. Take control. Give him a positive routine. Engage and get him out the house for a couple of hours a day.

DiscoJanet · 25/04/2020 00:36

Sorry pressed post too soon.

The absolute first thing to do is get him out of his room and off the screens. You say he's got two brothers - get them to do stuff together. Schooling for 5 hours a day max, broken up with play, exercise, relaxing, snacks and meals, and ideally outside exercise. Family time at meals and after dinner.

And what howmanysleeps said, great advice. Spend some time with him! I've got a 10yo dd and the thought of her being on her own in her room for 23 hours a day is just unthinkable!

Original poster
Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 00:36

He does do school work but it's all on the laptop . I'm wfh which I need to do from my bedroom so hes next door popping in and out.
23hrs a day probably slight exaggeration but he does spend most time in there not because he has too it's just where he migrates to most of the time. I suppose i meant hes allowed out the front door 1 hour a day and other than that hes cooped up. We have a very small garden so not really much to do in it.
Hes made comment in the past that he wants to kill himself/hates his life but thats usually been in fury or anger when hes not getting his own way or been asked to do something he doesn't want too. Today is different theres been no arguing or fighting or resilience to anything, it's been a calm day. On the laptop this morning doing school work out for a walk in the woods playing hide and seek this afternoon.

OP posts:
JustStayHome · 25/04/2020 00:38

@Howmanysleepsnow

By the sounds of it.

Thats what he may need, to get him out of his room , spending 23 hours in his room isnt right....

It isnt just school work, its lots of other things, including fun things and family time

blue25 · 25/04/2020 00:40

Many 10 year olds don’t know what’s right or good for them though-that’s the point.

Ask him what he wants to do and he’ll probably say gaming in his room all day. That doesn’t mean it’s the right or helpful thing for him to do though. You’re the parent-you need to guide him.

Original poster
Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 00:41

@DiscoJanet he hasnt been set 5 hours of school work to do a day! He completed the work pack sent home in week 1. He goes on reading plus, work set each week but takes about 20minutes per activity, hes on TTrock stars and education city.
@Yester were only supposed to go out 1 hour a day

OP posts:
PulyaSochsup · 25/04/2020 00:45

In your situation I would ring an ambulance. He’s a risk to himself and quite possibly others. You need to keep him safe. When adults are planning or displaying suicidal behaviour, the advice is always the same, take the person to A&E. I would not delay, he is at great risk and you need to find a way to get proper medical support for him.

I don’t mean this unkindly but you’re currently struggling to protect him and ensure his mental and physical health are safeguarded. I really would not delay, it is essential that he gets the right help immediately.

Good luck OP

Original poster
Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 00:47

@Bigbus yes I'm wfh pretty much tied to a phone 40hrs a week

OP posts:
midwesteaster · 25/04/2020 00:48

Is he asleep now OP?
If he is great.
Tomorrow contact your GP, CAMHS lists are awful but there may be something online you can access.
We have an anxious dc who can State he doesn't want to be alive sometimes.
He currently has zoom cbt.
We also keep a basic routine with limits around screens ( there is still a fair bit) but getting outside and other activities also take place.
Through trial and error we have set up 30 minutes working out with DH in the evening, regular showers and meditation before bed using headspace.
This is a hard time for everyone.
(We have also put knives out of dc,actually my reach at present)

midwesteaster · 25/04/2020 00:54

Also if he needs to spend longer than an hour outdoors for his mental health then he does.
An hour was a recommendation for standard situations, you aren't in a standard situation.

Quartz2208 · 25/04/2020 00:55

and his Dad? this is a cry out for attention, he is clearly bored and under stimulated

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 25/04/2020 00:58

The one hour thing is just opinion. It's not guidance or law , so if he needs to go out for longer, or he wants to take his bike/scooter or whatever he can and he should.

Original poster
Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 00:59

@midwesteaster DH has been on knife and sharp object patrol.
Tbh I thought letting him have more screen time/game time was a good thing as its keeping him in contact with his friends. I can hear them on the game chatting theres nothing untoward going on there. I look at his WhatsApp now and again, again all very mundane chatter nothing disturbing or extreme.

OP posts:
Original poster
Concerned7777 · 25/04/2020 01:00

His dad is a key worker also working full time but obviously out the house.

OP posts:
DiscoJanet · 25/04/2020 01:07

Oh gosh well it does sound hard. Is his dad also wfh the same hours? Can you stagger the work somehow between you so each of you can spend some time with him throughout the day? What about his brothers - what are they doing? Can they do more stuff together, that's not screens? Building stuff, sports, lego, games etc? I know with my children, the more screen time they have the less they are able to think of what else to do so it's a rut they can easily get into, but if you can be strict and say screens only eg at 3pm, they will find things they can do together - even if it takes a few days for them to think of what to do. Practice this weekend maybe? And def take him out for a really good long run around.

I agree that the suicidal talk is a cry of despair and cry out for attention.

DiscoJanet · 25/04/2020 01:11

Sorry x posted, seen your dh is out at work. Is there any way you can shift work time at all to help share the load?

It's not necessarily that it's what he's doing on screens is dangerous, and yes it's important he keeps in touch with friends, but more important he also keeps stimulating his body and mind too, and physical exercise will help do that plus take his mind off everything else.

Do you have a garden?

bumblebeefairy · 25/04/2020 01:16

Can you sit with him tonight between you and your DH? Just in case he gets up and has impulsive thoughts about acting on things? It sounds really concerning that he said this whilst calm, and that there has been such a change for him.

I would phone his GP first thing in the morning as an emergency. Emphasise that voicing wanting to be he his life, rather than just thoughts about his. Though CAMHS services are stretched, he really sounds like he needs prioritised.