Was anyone else scared to have a second child because you found the baby stage really hard?

[Swaddleblanket]

I really want more children but I worry about how hard it will be. I’m quite an introvert so I don’t naturally like to be around people and find it quite hard being sociable. I think this made me a bit lonely on my mat leave.

Did anyone else have this fear?

I should have added I really struggled with the sleep, our child doesn’t sleep through the night and hasn’t once and he’s over one. So I’ve always struggled with sleep and got a bit anxious about it!

Yes I did. Firstborn was an absolute nightmare sleeper, feeding issues in the early days & just generally didn't seem to like being a baby! I felt like I couldn't do anything my friends did with their babies, quiet coffees in the coffee shop, peaceful walks, rest during the day...the first 6 months were hard. Sleep did improve at 7 months & further at 14 months. I had my second when he was 20 months old & she was the complete opposite. Very easily settled, quick feeder, gained weight well & I could take her anywhere! So I actually enjoyed the newborn stage second time round.

Now I have a 21 month old & a 3 year old in lockdown that is pretty interesting/challenging/insane however we are surviving!

Your second child/experience of motherhood is different for so many reasons. But even if the newborn stage is tough again, it doesn't last long at all, does it? X

I have this fear. Currently have 1. DS is almost 2. I don't want him to be an only child but the baby stage almost broke me. He was very colicky, had a tongue tie and dairy allergy. He wanted to be held ALL THE TIME and had to be rocked and jiggled while being held. He didn't sleep in his own cot until around 15months. It was just so hard. It's scary to imagine doing that all over again with a toddler/young child in tow.
Things that don't put me off completely are my hopes that baby #2 won't be as fussy as DS. Also the fact that I think I'll feel very content in years to come with 2 DC instead of feeling permanently like our family is incomplete. Also, the baby stage doesn't last forever. You just have to survive it!

I'd actually like 3 but I know that will not happen fir my own wellbeing! I'm happy to bite the bullet and muddle through with 2.
Things like the lockdown make me wish DS already had a sibling.

I had sickness with my first pregnancy, then a baby who never slept, colic and was just sick all the time!! I braved it again it took nearly 6 years before it happened & still had a pregnancy sickness but the most amazing baby - slept, breastfeed like a dream!!

Though the first turned into a lovely toddler and is still a very chilled out teenager ....my second turned into demon toddler and a spirited pre-teen. Love them both regardless, the only thing I’d change is pregnancy sickness!!!

I felt like that; up until my DD was about 18 months I didn’t want any other children but then something just clicked and I had an unstoppable urge. I did wait a little longer and DS is now 8 weeks and my DD has just turned 3. Having even less sleep is hard but the adjustment to 2 has been nowhere near as hard as the adjustment to having my first DD. I’m already used to surviving on less sleep for one and my life revolving around DD. Before the restrictions I found it easier to find things to do as these would be based on DD whereas I found groups quite hard going with just a newborn as they don’t do very much.
I’m also generally more relaxed and DS is a very different baby to DD.

After having dd1 I knew I definitely didn't want anymore. Dd1 wasn't a difficult baby but I was young and found it hard.

I wait 23 years to have dd2🤣. She was a surprise arrival and I had completely forgotten how hard it was and also how to change a nappy and make a bottle.

I was terrified to have another baby. I actually waited 10 years.
It’s a totally different experience, they are so different and this time around it’s been so much more enjoyable.
Conversely, my very good friend had 2 within 2 years and she found the first very easy and the second very hard.
I think you will always be happy that you had another child, but if you don’t you’ll be left wondering what if.

My first was a nightmare. He didn’t sleep for more then 90 mins for 7 months. Cried in his buggy, cried in the car seat, basically cried unless on the breast. We eventually found out he was lactose intolerant at 4. At 18 months he improved and by 3 was an angel. He’s 8 now and the most well behaved child (people do not believe me when I say he was a nightmare).

We literally had no 2 because we wanted more children and thought we had to get it out of the way. No 2 was an angel from the moment he was born. Slept and was always smiling. I use to poke him in the pram as I thought he was dead.

This is me, we will try for another but I will not enjoy the baby stage one bit. DD barely napped so was grumpy and overtired until about a year, when she learnt to walk (never crawled, reflux so puked each time she tried) and started sleeping through the night so naps didn’t matter.

She’s now a delight at nearly 17 months - why can’t we order them at this stage????

Not strongly enough to seriously consider not trying for a second, but I am absolutely looking at the baby stage with a second child as the bit to get through - I don't want another newborn, I want another toddler, but it doesn't work like that!

I have just started TTC our second. The first is 5 years old and I just found it all so difficult and stressful, but not just the baby stage, from about 0-4!
I was adamant for a long time that I wasn't having any more, but here we are!

I did, especially as my first was such a bad sleeper. Didn't end up having my second until my first was 7 years old as I was put off that much! But my second has been a dream in comparison, especially when it comes to sleep - in sleep he's a dream child compared to most I think as he practically puts himself to bed at 2 years old.

You have to look at the big picture - I absolutely loathed the baby stage and had a bad sleeper, high needs first baby - the lot. Still just went for it and had my second 20 months after my first and got the same baby again - bad sleeper, never content etc etc. On top of that ds2 has medical issues. I had such a tough time for the first year with two.

HOWEVER they are now 5 and 3 and the best of buds. Also no longer high needs and both sleep. Absolutely love it. So if you can brace yourself for the rough start, it may very well be worth it. Having said that I always thought I wanted three but the thought of doing that baby stage all over again

I am weirdly and I'm not sure why. My baby was colicky for first 2 weeks and after changing milk she was a dream. One night feed, happy, slept in moses basket, slept in cot, slept through the night from 10 weeks old. But I think pnd makes me fear another one as I struggled with that.

Oh my goodness it’s so nice reading all your responses! I felt so alone with this I almost deleted it.

My DS is 15 months old and I thought I’d be pregnant again by now before I had him but I’m so far from being able to imagine it right now!

That’s it for me, bigger picture is I love being a mum to a toddler even though we don’t get a full night asleep still and I see my friends with more than one who’s kids are older and they’re in such a good place because they’re sleeping through, kids are older and getting on so well. It’s just trying to mentally prepare myself for another year of no sleep and probably even less having an older child I won’t be sleeping! I love being a mum I work minimal hours so I can be at home with him but I did struggle massively, mentally with the first year!

Yes. That's why we have a 4 year gap . Interestingly child 2 was a much easier baby!!

I had the same. Used to shudder at the thought of having another baby. My first was in NICU, breastfeeding was hard, the worst anxiety, didn’t sleep, only slept on me ever, reflux, cried for hours and hours and hours. And hours. Anyway just decided to have another and write off the first year as hell. It wasn’t hell (mostly) but neither did I get that dream situation of an easy second baby. It was still hard but not as awful as the first time. The thing with the second baby is you have more understanding of how quickly a year goes. So even if you have a baby who doesn’t sleep and cries a lot, you know that that bit does end.

I really didn't enjoy the baby bit. Silent reflux, terrible sleeper for the first seven months. She's just turned two and DC2 is due this summer.

Frankly, we knew we wanted two (before DD we wanted three ) and that will mean doing the baby stage again at some point. So we're getting it out of the way. The hope is that in a couple of years we'll be past it, and they'll be moving towards similar stages.

I am finding DD easier and easier all the time, even as she hits the terrible twos. Speech has made things much easier for me and I just enjoy her more that she's more of a person if that makes sense. Hang in there.

My first was very tricky - never slept, breastfed constantly, very clingy to me in particular, couldn't be put down. Had our second braced for carnage and couldn't believe it. Slept well, content, honestly hardly notice him some days (ds1 is still the troublemaker!). I actually was really worried at the start and told the midwife I thought he was ill or had something wrong with him when he was a week old because he slept all the time...she gave me a funny look and said "yes....he's a newborn!" Actually in retrospect and reading about it on here I think DC1 had reflux but I didn't know about that at the time and didn't join mn until he was a few months old, by which point we were over the worst of it.

I'm expecting my second and have a gap of 11 years because of this fear! DS was a nightmare baby I felt like I didn't sleep for 2 years and had horrendous PND. From 3 onwards he was, and still is a delight. If I could have children from 3 onwards I would probably have a much bigger brood and not left it so long. This pregnancy was unexpected and I'm worried about the baby stage but keep repeating to myself what everyone else says that all babies are different. Just because I had a bad experience the first time around doesn't mean this will be ........ gulp

I didn't have a fourth because I knew I just couldn't take it again.

My DD is 2,5 now and I still don't want another. Only recently she has stopped being a nightmare sleeper, she only wakes up once during the night now...

My first was a colicky non sleeper. He didn't even nap properly until he was weaned at15mo then he started having one for 3hrs at a time. It was bliss. But I did miss out on the mat leave experience all my peers seemed to have. They were all doing classes and coffee mornings where I just had a screaming bundle. I couldn't even join groups when he did eventually settle because he decided his one nap would be at 11am. When most baby groups were scheduled.
But I figured I already wasn't getting any sleep so may as well limit the time. Ds2 is almost exactly 2y apart. He was a different experience. He just slept, fed, watched us play then slept again. They have so much fun together now at 4 and 6yo.
Only you know what works for you though.

I’ve always wanted two children but I’ve got a six month old who is very hard work, terrible reflux, cries pretty much all day and doesn’t sleep well so I can’t imagine ever being able to face having a second. I’d love for her to have a sibling but I’ve found being a parent so so difficult.

DS, who is now 18 months, was also a colicky non sleeper. He catnapped until he was 11 months, and didn't start sleeping through till 13 months old (but started waking at 5am instead).

I'm now 3 months pregnant with number 2 and dreading the baby stage again. I'm just hoping that they're easier and a better sleeper.