Can't shift this feeling about breast feeding

[Ginandtonic31]

I just wondered if anybody else ever felt this way and can tell me eventually the thoughts get better. I am an anxious person anyway so I'm probably making a bigger deal than most to start with.

My baby is 6 weeks and before having her I said I would try and breast feed but I wasn't feeding biased - if she needed formula not a problem. So I breast fed her and her latch was brilliant but she was difficult to feed in the day as she slept so much and at night fed constantly from 12-7 for two weeks. After two weeks she had lost 11% birth weight and we got sent to hospital. They suggested my milk was slow coming in (due to a lot of blood loss at birth) and to pump and top her up with that after a breast feed until it came in better. I was so exhausted and beaten however I went home and just pumped and fed and never put her on the breast again. We then got her onto formula. I was fine with that at first as life got easier and I started to enjoy my baby.

However, 4 weeks later I regret it so much. I was so beaten and exhausted I made a decision for me and not my baby. I look back and think if only I had tried harder I could have done it, I was selfish. I know it takes 6 weeks to establish and now at the 6 week mark i can't help thinking we would have cracked it by now. I wish I could watch my baby grow from my milk. I just feel like I'm pumping her full of rubbish even though HV has told me it's not rubbish at all. I worry she's over feeding as at 6 weeks she's quite often taking 7oz bottles and 40ish oz in a 24 hour period. She's gone from 8lb 1 at birth to 11lb at 6 weeks. I keep being told in online baby groups she's over feeding and will result in being obese which is making me anxious as she did gain a lb in one week and is now so chunky (I know babies need to grow!)

Basically I'm just generally anxious about her feeding and I've spoken to HV and feel better for an hour then start worrying again. I'm torturing myself that I'm not breast feeding her and over feeding. She's got reflux and on anti reflux formula which sometimes makes her constipated. I keep telling myself these wouldn't be issues if I had fed her myself.

Did anyone else feel similar around breast feeding and get over it? X

The trouble is @Puddlelane123 I don't know how to reduce it! I've tried and she screams and screams and chews her fingers. I've tried pace feeding and she still screams or takes the same amount. I've tried little and often and she again screams and eats her hands after the feed as it wasn't enough. Probably my own fault for just giving her what she wanted on advice of the health visitor and can't be reversed.

@keentohelp thank you. I know a lot of it is irrational. She is so happy and content and beautiful but I still worry I need to feed her less. What was your little one regularly taking?

@KaliforniaDreamz thank you x

@LemonScentedStickyBat you're right. It's so easy to look back and forget. I've tried pace feeding and it's just not doing anything as she keeps taking the 7oz. I've tied little and often etc. 😞

There's something distinct about breastfeeding. It just seems to cause so much regret.

As a parent we let our kids down all the time, but I think this tugs all the hormones unlike forgetting their lunch or doing a too harsh punishment (which is a mistake you can end up making for years). I get the same feeling from threads about fertility; people take it as the most important failure of their lives if they struggle to do reproductive things. This isn't rational. It has to be hormonal.

Exactly what badoc said. I think it’s quite likely your friend is insecure and making up for it by showing off about breastfeeding. You’ll look back on this time and wonder why you worried so much. All the best and congratulations on your lovely baby.

You are doing great.

She doesn't sound obese at all and won't be impacted negatively long term in any way at all. I was very similar to you and have two healthy boys making a lot of noise downstairs (5 and 7 now!).

Please be kind to yourself. It is OK.

If you are pace feeding then she’s not over feeding. You are going slowly and giving her a chance to feel full up. You are following her signs and responding to her needs and she needs more than the “average” right now and that is fine xx

Don't worry about it! I stopped after 3 days and moved to formula.
Hindsight doesn't really work, in the moment that's how you felt and the decision you made. Same with me after nights and nights of broken sleep I was emotional exhausted fed up and at the time a bottle felt like such a relief.
The over feeding thing is crap, my DD was 9lb 3oz at birth and was a chunky baby she is now a slim active happy toddler, people need to mind their own business.
Good luck and you won't be worried about it forever. Like I said on a previous thread that got heated this breast/bottle stuff feels like the most important thing but in reality when your child is older no one cares 😊

Please don’t beat yourself up about formula, I did the same and it definitely contributed to post natal anxiety in my case. It set me off on a footing of questioning whether I was a good enough mum, worrying about my baby etc and sucked a lot of the enjoyment out of the baby stage.

I fed my son on demand with formula and offered a bottle every 4/5 hours (can’t remember which now - at the time it’s so all consuming you think you’ll never forget such details!) he was 50th centile when he was born but he went up to 91st and stayed there, which is in good proportion to his height so all is well. Your health visitor should be able to advise on weight gain and any concerns you may have.

Don’t be worrying about formula and obesity - You may find the following article reassuring: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/fivethirtyeight.com/features/everybody-calm-down-about-breastfeeding/amp/

Meant to say I offered a bottle every 4/5 hours if he didn’t demand one sooner x

Thank you so much everyone for your kindness and reassurance. My husband just said to me in 5 years time you will be watching her playing around perfectly normal and I'll say to you do you remember when you were so worried about the formula and you will laugh and say what a waste of energy. And he's right. I probably will 

@Justaminute123 I'm having to weigh her myself at the moment given the current situation and I'm plotting her weight on the red boom chart. She's currently creeping up over the 75th but if she goes to the 91st I will contact HV for advice. Like you say it will probably even out then. She's also on the 91st for length so maybe needs more as she's long.

@Raaaa did your little one take the right amount of formula or more? You're right. Nobody really cares at all. Nobody has ever asked how I was fed.

@LemonScentedStickyBat I'm trying to pace feed but not sure it's going very well! Or I'm just no good at it!

Sounds like you just have a hungry baby! Babies are very good at letting you know if they're still hungry, but equally she won't feed if she's not hungry.

I seem to remember there's a growth spurt/developmental leap about now that coincides with bigger feeds. The 'Wonder Weeks' are worth a look at as it sets out the developmental leaps and gives you a warning of what to expect/makes you realise your baby is completely normal

@HighInTheHills yes the app is brill. She's just come out of her 5 week leap and has started smiling now. The leap to taking 7oz bottles did happen in that week so I thought perhaps now it would reduce but it hasn't! She is quite a long baby and does look lean still.

The little girl was bf and had reflux till 6 months, so don't even think bf would have definitely fixed that one, when we started weaning and she was spending more time upright. Fed is best 👍 xx

Look into paced feeding if you think she's overfeeding.

Also, you can relactate if you really want to- look into it. You wouldn't necessarily get enough to exclusively breastfeed but you should be able to achieve mixed feeding at least.

@Ginandtonic31 I seem to remember there's a chart on the back of the formula tin with the weeks and how many ounces they should have. I think she roughly followed the guide but I definitely remember conversations with my OH like she's crying for milk again and she's not due another bottle and we both thought well she clearly is hungry so we're not going to restrict her.
The health visitor said we should wake her up for a feed but there was no way in hell we were going to that and similarly thought if she was hungry she'd wake up.

@Raaaa she's already way off the chart! Eating what a 4 month would! But no I don't wake her! I feed her on demand and figure she will wake up if hungry!

@Ginandtonic31 she must need it mum knows best!

@Ginandtonic31 I just looked it up for you as we track everything and at 6 weeks he was averaging about 1100ml a day. He's now 5.5 months and averaging 850ml a day so it's definitely settled down by itself (we're still feeding on demand). Your baby will just be asking for what she needs- you're doing brilliantly.

Also looked up his weights for you, he was 7Ib 3 at birth and just over 11Ib at 6 weeks, and he was born 3 weeks early!

That's really helpful @keentohelp thank you so much. Sounds like my daughter and your little one are pretty similar then in terms of weight and consumption. Perhaps it will all start to settle a little bit. I'll just keep going. She's by no means chubby at all. She's long and lean (with a little chubby face) but she's growing well and content (other than reflux) and that's the most important thing. I'm sure 33 years ago when my mum was feeding me they didn't worry about the volume and pace feeding and what people on the internet said!

Hi OP, don't beat yourself up. I'm very pro breastfeeding and here I am, laying down beside my 12-weeks old baby. I'm emotionally exhausted. My neck, back and wrist hurt so badly from the positions i use to breastfeed him. My breast are aching due to all the pumping and feeding.
I ebf him and he has reflux and tummy issues (colicky baby, mucus in feces). He had periods of refusing one breast, breaking my heart.
Breastfeeding does not guarantee a smooth journey. If your baby doesn't have tummy issues, nappy rash, is growing healthily, there is no need to worry. She might be sick from a bug for one or two days more that a bf baby, but that's all.

There is no evidence for paced feeding being a good idea btw. In fact, it can be harmful.

Ignore the breastfeeding kooks. "I can make food for my baby from my body", big woop. If that is the most important thing you can do fir child, I pity you.

". I'm emotionally exhausted. My neck, back and wrist hurt so badly from the positions i use to breastfeed him. My breast are aching due to all the pumping and feeding."

Why would you put yourself through this? seriously. It sounds awful. How is an emotionally exhausted mother the best thing for a baby?

I FF DS didn't even try BF. I didn't want to and my milk never actually came in anyway. I don't regret it. A fed baby is all that matters.

You tried your best with BF, don't be too hard on yourself

Oh lovely, sending you a hug, my DS is 10 months now but I remember those early days. I couldn't breastfeed and I ended up expressing exclusively for 4 months and then moving to formula. Looking back now I don't know why I put myself through it! You had the right attitude at the beginning and in years to come it won't matter. I wouldn't worry about how much she's drinking, feeding on demand is a good thing. DS was upto 40oz a day also, but he isn't a chunky baby at all, he's long and lean. Try not to pay too much attention to the number. You've done so well and are the best mum for your DD, just remember you're doing amazing x

This was literally my experience too OP. While I was pregnant I had only ever considered breast feeding, not because i thought there was anything wrong with FFing, but it didn't even cross my mind. I had a traumatic birth and following weight loss and trying everything, I couldn't mentally or physically cope with the cycle of putting baby to the breast, feeding formula, pumping, and repeating all day. My milk still didn't come in, but DS was gaining weight on the formula, so I packed the pump away and called it a day. I had pangs of regret and even spent a weekend in bed at 7 weeks trying to relactate, it didn't go well though. He absolutely thrived on formula and I did come to accept it. Now he is weaned I see it more clearly than I did at the time, that i did make the right decision for me and baby in the situation we were in, he grew to his curve even though he drank a lot and I was worried about him putting on too much weight, he was content and I wasn't struggling everyday to get my milk to come in. I do empathise though, it is hard even when you know logically it is for the best.

@SpillTheTeaa I think I was the same too know. I know I had some as I pumped but it never got to that fatty milk. And then when I stopped I read how to slowly decrease my milk to stop mastitis and it said reduce pumping and it could take a few weeks. Well within 3 days I had dried up! I reduced pumping to just before bed and afternoon and by like day 3 I couldn't pump an oz! I just keep trying to remind myself of the positives to my choices. I'm feeling much better so thank you everyone. She's thriving, even if she is consuming a lot!