What does it really f***** matter?

[goggles43]

Since the lockdown, I have been feeding my DC who is 3-years old whilst she is on the ipad/iphone playing games.
It’s so much bloody easier and quicker so I’m just thinking why can’t I continue this? The guidance is to avoid screen time during mealtimes but why exactly?
I am limiting the screen time outside of meal times and feel we are all happier as a result of the easier (and stress less) mealtimes.
A lot of my peers/generation grew up stuck to the tv yet we all turned out fine.
Apart from the obvious eyesight concerns, what’s the deal?

It encourages them to not pay attention to the food and overeat and get "fat"

My kids dont eat much so I allow it to keep them in "normal" range

I think it's partly to do with mindful eating i.e. thinking about what you're eating is better than just absent mindedly stuffing food into your face while you do something else.

I think it's also for a lot of people the only time they get together without screens. It's a chance to talk to each other, make some eye contact, talk about the day etc.

I don't think it matters hugely though. She's not going to die from it or anything.

please don't eatting should be a social thing when you engage with the food and people around you.

We're exactly the same and I'm terrified I'm cutting out her 'thoughtfulness' around food.

14 month old who generally eats well but the ipad at dinner gives us an easy life.

I'm being easy on myself, not using it every day but accepting im more patient in other areas when she has an easy dinner with it here and there (every night)

Often a family mealtime at the table is the only time in a day or ever when parents and dc make face to face contact and talk with each other without the distraction of screens or driving or housework or anything else. I don't think there's anything harmful about screens per se, but plenty wrong with not ever not being in front of one, so a no screen meal time is a really good way to build some daily family talking time. 3 is not too young to start the habit.

We are in lockdown by the time its tea time we have actually seen enough of each other and tonight we are in separate rooms even the CATS are separate from each other

It genuinely doesn’t matter at all.

It genuinely does matter.

Why would you? Why wouldn’t you all sit and eat together and chat and do family stuff? Talk about your day, all that kind of stuff. Of course it matters!

Now mine are teen / pre teens a family meal time is hugely important to catch up with them before they disappear into their rooms. I also agree with the point about mindful eating - enjoying their food rather than shoving it in mindlessly. Do what you need to do during lockdown but I do think it's worth trying to return to good habits afterwards.

I did this when DC1 was about 3, maybe for the best part of a year. I was knackered and struggling and it created some peace where I really needed it. There were also large chunks of the day where I was mindful and present and we chatted and cuddled and did things together, and he had more civilised meals at nursery, and he managed the odd cafe perfectly well. At some point before he turned 4 I felt able to knock it on the head, so I did, and it wasn’t hard to do so.

All things held equal it’s not ideal, but I do think it’s perfectly fine and I don’t regret or feel ashamed that that’s how I was coping at that time.

I think at the moment, when you're probably spending all day having 'quality time', it's probably a bit less important in a social sense. My worries would be more around it making life difficult eating elsewhere and out of the house, etc. if she comes to expect to watch something all the time. I'd be concerned it was habit-forming.

I think with older kids it's probably a bit less of a big deal, but very young kids I think I would try to find another way. What's the issue when she doesn't have something to watch? She doesn't eat?

I think it depends on whether you want to raise children who as they get older will be able to sit and eat with others, make conversation, have good table manners, engage with others, appreciate their food etc.

If those things aren't important to you then carry on as you are. If they do matter you need to start as you mean to go on imo

I think its a very odd thing to do.

I think its fine now and again, but we sit down to dinner together to socialise and it teaches kids how to use manners, make conversation and connect. Your child will need to eat lunch at school without the tech.

Personally I find meal times one of the easiest parts of the day but my DD is only 14mo and an enthusiastic eater so she just gets on with it. I do use the TV to give myself a break during the day to have a cup of tea etc. though!

Your family - your rules!
Just remember though that’s it’s easier to make and enforce rules when children are younger.
If you’re happy to be ‘that family’ in a restaurant where everyone at the table is absorbed in their own device, and not talking to each other - then it’s fine.

I feel very strongly about mealtimes.
We sit at the table, no electronics and all eat together, use cutlery properly and chat and interact. We all eat the same meal (with some minor adjustments espcially when they were toddlers ie less spice etc but always essentially the same meal)
I feel as previous people have said it enables them to be mindful about what they are eating, they are able to concentrate on what they are eating and how it looks and tastes etc. It encourages interaction and helps model conversation etc. ETing with the adults also encourages young children to try other food and eat a wider variety

Don’t get me wrong we often have Friday night pizza in front of the TV and now they are tweens/young teens we are busy with activities etc in the week so often eat at different times but where possible we all eat together probably about 4/5 nights a week.

Tbh it’s a bad idea and a habit that is hard to break.

iPads are addictive and having rules around there usage is a good idea. How do you in visage family meals in 5/10/15 yrs time? Because what you are doing now will be you family time in the future

My nephew has been glued to an iPad since birth including meal times.

Hes now 8 and his social skills are zero.
We were together as a family at Christmas and he couldn't sit for a meal at home or out without demanding his ipad.
When he was told no he had a tantrum and once calm just sulked.
He does not engage with others when we are together and he only eats using a fork as the other hand holds the ipad not his knife.
He takes forever to eat his meal as he is so distracted then it goes cold and he refuses to eat it.

Being a parent is not just about the here and now OP it's about teaching your child to grow in to a functioning adult.

Why did you start doing it? Are mealtimes particularly problematic? Does your child have issues with eating or attention? (This is more for your thinking, not expecting you to answer here necessary.)

Generally screens at mealtimes aren't great for the reasons mentioned: mealtimes arw a great communication opportunity, which supports language development in young children and you are more focused on what you eat, which helps set up good eating habits. However people are often using screens for a reason. If mealtimes are a particular struggle it may be worth using screens for now and compensate e.g. spend time talking and playing together at other times, give healthy food (I'm sure you do both already!).

Irritable, disconnected, zombie like eating. It's putting your kids on pause.

Why does it matter? For the same reasons any parenting choice that potentially causes conflict matters - it's for her future good.

Mindful eating helps with appetite control/reduces obesity risks

Learning cutlery usage and table manners require concentration

Dinner table conversation and modelling appropriate social behaviour is important.

But if those things don't matter to you carry on. It's your DD who'll have to live with the consequences of your easy life.

Thanks for your responses all. I was prepared for a bolllocking but nothing (so far!)
I’ve also found that I can give a larger portions whereas DC would only eat a certain amount before (born prem)

Thanks again!

Why not compromise by having at least one meal per day sat together as a family at the table ( which ever meal happens to be the most convenient on each day) then be more relaxed with the other meals.
Everything is more relaxed during lockdown, but you may find you enjoy having that one meal with your daughter, and she would probably enjoy it as well.