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Sibling age gaps

28 replies

SuziGeo · 19/04/2020 09:49

Just wondering what, in your opinion, is the perfect age gap for siblings? DH and I have 1 child at the moment, he is only 4 months so I'm not ready yet, but we have been discussing what age would be the best time for DS? I know it's personal opinion but just curious.

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cheesegrate · 19/04/2020 09:56

I think perfect age would be a 2/3 age gap where older one has some time at preschool etc. That way both children get 1 on 1 attention with parents, but still young who

TeddyIsaHe · 19/04/2020 09:58

Dd is 3.5 and I’ll be trying for no.2 next year so she’s at school. One set of nursery fees is more than enough, and if lockdown has taught me anything it’s in definitely not stay at home mum material Grin

cheesegrate · 19/04/2020 09:58

Oops posted too soon.

They are young enough at that age to still be into the same things as they grow up.

I had a 14 month age gap and I'm telling you it's HARD. They are still young though, and people keep telling me it gets much easier as they are older. Honestly if I had my time again I would space them further apart, I feel my youngest has missed out on all the experiences and one on one time that my eldest had. I didn't have the luxury of being able to afford nursery for eldest either so they were both home with me.

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justanotherneighinparadise · 19/04/2020 09:59

I’ve experienced 5 years and personally that wasn’t a good age gap. My kids have just over three years and it seems to work very well.

cliffdiver · 19/04/2020 10:03

2 years 4 months difference for DDs.

I always thought it worked well, but during lockdown it's been great - they've consistently played together well. I think it does help that they share similar interest though.

Hitsnooze · 19/04/2020 10:05

2 year age gap here. It wasn't too bad for the first 6 months then got very difficult with baby becoming more active and toddler missing out on attention. They're 4 and 2 now and I'm slowly starting to actually enjoy time with them again. I'm just not looking forward to the arguing which has already begun! I sometimes think it would have been nice for eldest to have been at school but now I'm glad I done with the baby stage Grin

tiedy · 19/04/2020 10:06

We have a ten year age gap (currently 14 and 4) which is perfect I reckon!

mizu · 19/04/2020 10:08

Mine are 17 months apart. Not plannedGrin and was hard work but now they are 14 and 15 and it's brill.

Tbh though I think if they had the choice they would choose to be slightly further apart in age. They get mistaken for each other sometimes and are only a school year apart.

HedgehogHotel · 19/04/2020 10:12

We're just under 2 and just over 2 years between ours. Works well.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/04/2020 10:24

20 months here. Worked really well for us.

I do think it's more down to personality than age though. I don't think my younger DD would have been so amenable to a baby sibling when she was a toddler.

Caz1412 · 19/04/2020 16:57

18 months between my two, I have two under two 🤦🏻‍♀️ No it wasn’t planned 😅

But as there’s 24 months between me and my brother who are very close, I’m hoping it’ll be the same 🤞🏻

Rubyroost · 19/04/2020 17:06

Would have been 15 months, but unfortunately that pregnancy did not go as planned, so we have a 26 month age gap. I've no idea how it will work. But my philosophy was to get the hard stage over and done with quickly. Why start over again when you've finally god rid of one at school. Grin

Rubyroost · 19/04/2020 17:06

Got

happymummy12345 · 19/04/2020 17:20

For me dh and I always knew we wouldn't want a second until our first is settled at school. So a 5-6 year gap minimum. Just because I feel my second would get more time and attention as my first will be as school during the day. I wouldn't want a small gap at all.
My mum had hers 10 years apart. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister, and 20 years between my sister and I. I loved it as it meant I could do so much for them both.

Temple29 · 19/04/2020 20:35

There will be a 17 month gap between our 2 when DC2 is born in September. DH and I always wanted a small gap because we both have siblings with similar age gaps and have always been close.

neverknewsomany · 19/04/2020 20:37

I have 14 months between my oldest and middle boys, it was a handful. Then 3.5 years between middle and youngest which was nice.

ManualFlusherSnot · 19/04/2020 20:39

I would say 1-2 year age gap. Mine have 4 years between them, and can’t stand each other 😫

MuchTooTired · 19/04/2020 20:42

I’ve 4 minutes between mine, which was a surprise!

I’d guess 2-3 years based on how close I am to my sister, but for myself I’m looking at around 4 years I think.

RandomMess · 19/04/2020 21:04

The gaps between mine are:

5.5 years, 14 months, 2 years.

The 14 months is my favourite but they all have pros and cons tbh.

ISawATiger · 19/04/2020 21:14

Ours are just under 2 and a half years apart, and I'd say it's been the perfect gap for us. They're now 5 and 3, and the best of friends. Found that first year hard, but think that's just the way it is adjusting to 2 of any ages, then as dd2 grew and became more "interesting" dd1 was at the ideal age to be helpful and invovled with her sibling. And now at the ages they are, they can play games, have similar interests, dd1 loves reading to dd2, and they can both get invovled with activities together. Holidays and days out are great as they want to do the same things, so easy to entertain them. Some friends waited and had their 2nd when their 1st almost 5, and it seems much harder as the kids aren't interested in the same things, the elder one wasn't that interested when the baby was born, and as she was that bit older, definitely noticed the change the baby brought to the house, and resented it. I guess the bonus of them being further apart is that they won't fight over toys as much, but, I'm lucky that mine don't particularly do that. Maybe I'd mine didn't get on and squabbled daily, I'd regret having them so close in age!?

motherstongue · 19/04/2020 21:43

Just about 6 years between mine. Wasn’t intentional, it’s just how it happened but I’d say it was serendipitous! My DS adored his little sister and still does (he’s now 21 and she is 15) and I never had to contend with jealousy. The thing is you can’t predict personality so the age thing is a misnomer as they can adore each other or loath each other and the difference of age won’t change that fact. The biggest problem I encountered with our age gap was finding holidays or activities to suit both at the same time as they got older. Therefore we would often take the DC separately to things they enjoyed rather than going as a family.

Naturalbornkiller · 19/04/2020 21:47

I've got 23 months between 1 and 2 and I'm now pregnant again which will be another 23 month age gap.

I was at first a bit panicked about having 3 under 4!!! But I think it'll be good to get the baby phrase out of the way in one go. Plus I don't work so nursery fees don't apply to me. I think they'll have more in common and play together better with a smaller age gap too (at least that's what I hope).

samandpoppysmummy · 19/04/2020 22:22

There is 17 months between my DS and DD (one school year). I think it's the perfect age gap. They are 14 and 13 at the moment.

jennymac31 · 19/04/2020 22:36

There's a 4 year gap between my two kids and it has worked well so far. Had always intended to have this age gap, as couldn't afford 2 sets of nursery fees.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 19/04/2020 22:36

2yrs 2months between my two. Great gap in my opinion: by the time DD2 was born DD1 was old enough that she enjoyed 3 mornings a week at nursery, but she was around enough of the time that she got to “help with the baby”. DD1 now has only a few memories of life without her sister and they have a beautiful bond. Would have liked a third one with a similar gap but bad hyperemesis in both pregnancies made me pretty sure I couldn’t have coped with a third pregnancy with a 3.5yr old and an 18m old. Haven’t totally ruled out another baby but the longer I go on not (DD2 is 3.5 now) the longer I think the gap is too big. I’m grateful for their lovely sibling relationship with that gap though.

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