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Parenting

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Original poster

Time for bed, where to sleep?

42 replies

Coyney90 · 16/04/2020 19:40

Hi everyone,
New here and also a first time mum! Our little one will be 6 weeks old this weekend.

My question - we’re trying to do bedtime routines, generally he has a feed at 8 and we’re ready to put him to bed just before 9.

Generally my husband and I aren’t ready to go to bed that early but I know he has to stay in the same room as us so what do you do?

OP posts:

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NuffSaidSam · 16/04/2020 19:41

Pop him in his Moses basket in the kitchen/living room/wherever you are and take him to bed when you go to bed.

doadeer · 16/04/2020 19:42

Just keep him with you in the lounge... It's good to get used to a bit of noise anyway

fonxey · 16/04/2020 19:47

Yes, moses basket of he agrees to sleep there. My baby was very on-off with Moses basket. Once she started just refusing to sleep there, we'd leave her upstairs with baby monitor and check often. She decided 6 was her bedtime which is a bit early for us.

Some wouldn't do this but i feel she is safe.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/04/2020 19:47

Another vote for keeping him with you

FATEdestiny · 16/04/2020 19:50

After his feed at 8pm, when does he next wake for a free?

That next feed is when to take him upstairs. Some couples manage this by one parent going to bed earlier and the other waiting up for the feed then bringing baby up to bed with them later. It both staying up.

If that late evening feed starts getting very late, say after midnight, then many couples start doing a dreamfeed. This means waking baby up as you go to bed and feed them then, rather than waiting for baby to wake naturally.

Pinkblueberry · 16/04/2020 19:50

In a Moses basket wherever you are. 6 weeks is still quite young for a bedtime routine in my opinion, at that age their still learning the difference between day and night - so I would just make sure that wherever you are you are you keep the lights dimmer than you would have in the day time.

Original poster

Coyney90 · 16/04/2020 19:52

Thank you that’s really helpful! we don’t have a Moses basket so might be something we need to invest in.

OP posts:

Original poster

Coyney90 · 16/04/2020 19:54

@FATEdestiny
He’s feeding every 3 hours still so his next one would be 11ish so might give that a go.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 16/04/2020 20:04

Upstairs at the 11pm feed would be the answer then.

Baby doesn't have to sleep in Moses basket downstairs. Use whatever baby sleeps in during the day - a carpeted floor or play at would be absolutely fine! Or a lie-flat pram if you have one.

MsSquiz · 16/04/2020 20:06

Dd is now 17 weeks and our routine has been the same since she was about 6 weeks old.

6:15pm - bath
6:30pm - bottle
7ish - down to sleep in her carrycot in the lounge
10ish - I go to bed, DH stays up
11:30pm - bottle
12 - DH brings her up and puts her in the next2me
3ish - bottle, then back to sleep
7/8am - bottle

I have always done the 3am feed, and DH does the last night feed and the breakfast feed. It meant I get 2 decent chunks of sleep either side of her 3am feed and DH gets 1 long chunk of sleep (he was going out to work before lockdown)

NuffSaidSam · 16/04/2020 20:07

It doesn't have to be a Moses basket, you can put him in his buggy if you have that in where you are. Or pop him in a box like in Finland! Moses basket is a bulky waste of money really because they do grow out of it quickly!

BertieBotts · 16/04/2020 20:08

No other country has this rule that the baby is supposed to spend every minute of sleep in the same room as you. If it works for you to keep him downstairs, then absolutely do that, but if you want to put him to bed upstairs, that's also fine. Use a monitor of course so you can hear him if he wakes up and never leave him alone in anything other than a cot/crib/moses basket that meets safety standards.

I kept DS1 downstairs until we went to bed until he was about 8 months, DS2 it was about 3 months. You just know when it's time IME. I would not worry about a couple of hours spent in another room as long as the main chunk of sleep you're there.

thunderthighsohwoe · 16/04/2020 20:14

Mine refused to sleep in the lounge after 6ish - would just scream and scream with overtiredness until in a dark room with white noise, then she’d nod off in minutes. We figured this out at about 6 weeks old, she started wanting a 6pm quiet room at about 4 weeks. From then on we did bath, bottle and bed in her crib in our room, and one of us would stay with her but after a few weeks we realised she wasn’t waking up again until about 11pm, so we started going back to the living room for a couple of hours of peace. I didn’t stay up very late then anyway.

Ilovethekittehs · 16/04/2020 20:15

We had a routine in place since son was 8 weeks. 7PM bath, 7:30pm bottle and bed for 8PM, I would go up with him but I have always liked a bit of time away from DH to read so it suited me fine.

It probably changes things being so light now, when son was a baby we would use the moses basket downstairs and just take him up when we were ready at that point he was waking every three hours anyway so it didnt make much different where he was!

sauvignonblancplz · 16/04/2020 20:18

Yeah I agree with others, bath and downstairs, maybe just keep the lights a bit lower etc & bring up to bed to have their final bottle before midnight.

With reference to a couple of comments by pp- Baby should definitely be sleeping in the same room as you at all times until they are 6months old.

LittleTopic · 16/04/2020 20:19

Honestly, one or both of us would go up with baby at 8.30. She wasn’t in a Moses basket but a bigger travel cot which couldn’t go up/down stairs easily. She would sleep until 2am so it made more sense that way and meant whichever of us got up for that feed was well rested!

Fatted · 16/04/2020 20:20

I was the same as thunderthighsohwoe with my youngest. He wanted a quiet room to sleep in from six weeks old. Which wasn't great for daytime naps with a boisterous toddler. So he went into his crib in our room for naps with the baby monitor on from six weeks.

We had a TV and nursing chair in our bedroom, so I tended to go to bed when he did when it was around 9pm and watch some TV or read in bed.

Selfsettling3 · 16/04/2020 20:50

@BertieBotts Australia recommended rooming in until at least 6 months but say 12 months is preferable. Many countries of the world the concept of putting your baby in a different room is a very alien concept. Like the U.K. it’s not a rule just a recommendation based on research what reduces the number of babies who die from SIDS.

BertieBotts · 16/04/2020 22:24

Yes, most countries recommend room sharing, I'm not at all disputing that. What I'm objecting to is the idea that you have to be in the room with them at all times while they sleep, which if you follow to the letter means you can't put them to bed in their cot in your bedroom in the evening (until 6, maybe even 12 months!) unless you're prepared to sit up there with them, or that you can never put them down for a nap in another room. This isn't realistically practical, especially if you have more than one child, and it's a fairly recent addition to the guidance as well - ours used to be just as general mentioning the baby's main sleeping space, rather than emphasising the particular point that it applies to all sleeps.

It's tricky - I can see why they've included it. The research shows that a parental presence helps reduce SIDS deaths (which is not the same as preventing it, BTW, because we don't know that) and of course it's true that it's not going to magically not apply just because it's the evening and the adults want to have a bit of adult time, or just because it's daytime and the baby is napping rather than having a long (hopefully!) night sleep. SIDS can occur during any stretch of sleep so it makes sense that guidance should apply during all stretches of sleep, and I would never suggest anybody relax other recommendations such as avoiding tummy sleeping, for example, for naps/evening sleep, but at the same time... this one can be unnecessarily restrictive for parents, and I think there comes a point where you have to say OK, yes, I'm going to relax on that one point for 2, or 3, or even 4 out of the ~12 hours babies (might) sleep at night, and the rest of the time somebody will be in the room, because it is such a miniscule increase in a miniscule risk and it brings benefits such as the baby getting into a good sleep routine, the parents being able to have a conversation and a breather from holding the baby the rest of the day, or the baby gets to have an uninterrupted nap without a three year old pulling the moses basket over, or whatever the situation is.

Burgerandchipvan · 16/04/2020 23:14

I used to leave DS downstairs with my husband and I'd go and get some sleep for a few hours!

Merename · 16/04/2020 23:22

Tbh, until I discovered it on MN, it would never have occurred to me to take the advice so literally that the baby never slept away from me for a second in the first 6 months. It amazes me to see how many people practice that so religiously. I don’t remember the ages exactly but I would have mine upstairs alone for short periods with a monitor on, when the time felt right like Bertie says. Tbh they slept so crappy that I think I went to bed at 8pm for a long time so it wasn’t something I thought a about much, but I’d definitely leave a napping baby pre 6 months, to stop them being poked by a sibling for example.

NuffSaidSam · 16/04/2020 23:34

No-one has said the baby shouldn't be left alone for a second for the first 6 months.

We're talking about a six week old and around three hours.

It's quite different on both counts.

FATEdestiny · 17/04/2020 06:23

it's a fairly recent addition to the guidance as well

No it is not.

It's been consistent NHS advise for at least 15 years, probably longer.

No other country has this rule that the baby is supposed to spend every minute of sleep in the same room as you

Yes, they do. Room sharing is about all naps/sleeps. You choose to not interpret room sharing as all the time, because you view the practicalities as difficult now you have more than 1 child. But that is just your interpretation.

The OP has a very tiny 6 week old newborn, it's worth noting. SIDS risk is higher in younger babies - so quite critical she gets accurate safety advice.

It's also not insurmountable to room share for all sleeps when you have multiple children. I've managed it fairly routinely got my 4 children, I'm not unique in doing that.

Pinkblueberry · 17/04/2020 12:40

With reference to a couple of comments by pp- Baby should definitely be sleeping in the same room as you at all times until they are 6months old.

I don’t know anyone who has been able to do this, it’s completely unrealistic advice for most people - especially as a pp said households with other children. Babies are very alert by the time they’re 6 months and often need a quite, darkened room to settle unless out in the car or pram. The only six month olds I’ve known to still be in a room with their parents for all sleeps are the one who will only sleep on their mums - some might be happy with that which is fair enough, but the ones I know who are in that situation sound stressed and fed up as anything about it.

sauvignonblancplz · 17/04/2020 12:48

@Pinkblueberry

Really I’m three children in and have found it more than manageable .
The sleeping patterns of a baby of 6weeks to that of 4/6 months are very different.
A 6week old should always be sleeping with a parent present , obviously not including nipping to the loo etc.
Why do you think it’s recommended by the NHS , Lullaby Trust etc? If you can’t manage it fine but recommending a new mum not to do it is irresponsible.

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