Any likeminded no-routine parents out there?

[jamtomorrow1]

We have a seven month old who has no fixed routine, is breastfed and sleeps in a next-to-me. He naps when he feels like it, usually on me or his dad, eats when he’s hungry (starting to have some solids at the same time as we have lunch and dinner), has a bath and his pjs on after dinner and then snoozes on me until we go to bed and he comes with us. Our son sleeps very well at night. We are getting on well and are happy - but we are literally the only parents we know who don’t obey a routine or have a set bedtime. Anyone else do something similar? It’s lonely in the no-routine club!

We don't have much in the way of routine, although a set bedtime is one thing we do try to stick to because I want my evenings to myself! But in terms of meal times, snacks, etc. we don't have strict timings.

What I found out though is that when your child wants to be in a routine, they start to form one for themselves. For example, DD decided she wanted to have a nap at midday every day for two hours so that became part of our routine because she led us there. Same with bedtime to an extent too - bedtimes got earlier and earlier because she guided us to that so now we have bedtime at 7 because that's when she is tired and needs to go to sleep.

I'd say that's all pretty standard apart from not putting him to bed in the evening instead of keeping him with you. At the moment he's snoozing, but what about in 6 months time (or less) when he's still running round whilst you're trying to do other things at this time? I think children really need good quality sleep, and I'd be looking to put him in his bed at his bedtime, not at yours.

I was more like that when my baby was 6/7 months much more to go with the flow on the timings, but when he started two days a week at nursery when he was 12 months, and before that when I wasn't having a lot of time with my partner it started to put a bit of strain on our relationship we knew that it was a good time to establish more of a routine.

Now I am really happy he is 14 months and he goes to sleep at 11:50 am every day and sleeps until about 1:50 pm and goes to bed at 6.45pm. I really like knowing that those are the times that everything happens found it so much easier to plan the day. Before the coronavirus it also meant that it was really good for baby groups because we knew exactly when he would be awake and when he would be tired when he would be hungry etc and it made planning the day a lot easier. I also think that he is at his best when he has a regular day routine.

But each to their own that's just my experience yours may be very different

We didn't have much of a routine either when DS was that age, but we soon noticed that he was wanting to nap mid morning and mid afternoon and he naturally fell into a routine by about 9 months. Most babies have a similar predictable sleeping and eating pattern by 12 months.

At that age, absolutely.

Though he and our life pattern naturally led to a 'rhythm of life'. Up and out to baby groups for about 10am, which meant he fell asleep in buggy on the way home. The long nap. Lunch. Afternoon awake time, doing things like shopping. Daddy home from work so daddy playtime. Dinner for grown ups. Then slowly relaxing and quiet time and PJs leading to night time.

We were very relaxed.

When number 2 comes along, then end up in a routine because they have to fit around the rest of the family. Eg:feed now or you'll have to wait an hour and a half till we get home from toddler group/nursery/playground.

I agree that what you are doing is pretty standard for baby number 1. The subsequent ones have much more of a routine - for example my third was born just as my first went into reception so number 3 napped at 8.30 and 3pm every day because that’s when we walked to school. He couldn’t be fed at those points even if he wanted to be.

We didn't have a routine either at that stage except bedtime. He always went to bed at 7pm however if he had a late nap that day it wasn't tired we sat and read in his room for a while.

I was this way until it became overwhelming and our lo wasn't sleeping. If your lo is ok, then amazing! Keep it up! You're doing what's best for him. I'd prefer this haha.

Jealous you've still got your baby in your next to me! My 7 month is very long and no longer fits it so had to put him in a cot in his own room now (no space for a large cot in our room).
I also don't like routine but he's put himself into his own kind of routine now for naps and has a morning nap then a long 2 hour afternoon nap and a pre dinner nap. Really hoping he is able to be a bit flexible when we're able to leave the house again so I can go put and about without having to time it around his naps

But it is nice knowing I get a two hour break every afternoon to eat, tidy or nap myself!

Pleased it’s not just me! Interesting that children tend to develop their own routines. He tends to nap mid morning and early afternoon, so I suppose there’s one developing already!

I agree with @PotteringAlong. No routine with DD1 but DD2 is 9 months and getting up, meals times, bath times and to some extent when she can feed eg not on nursery run means she is in much more of a routine. All maps are in the sling and she is in bed with me all night.

Yeah we didn’t really have a routine TIL I went back to work at 9 months. Well, we had a bedtime before that, from about 5m, simply because she was getting really grumpy in the evening as she could no longer sleep with us chatting, watching tv etc so we started putting her upstairs around 8. We were very lead by her, just followed what she needed and she got herself in to a routine.

We fell into a routine when my DD was 6 months old based on her and found that helped her sleep better. If she’d slept well without it I’d be like you as that routine then ruled my day

We're similar in that we've never imposed a routine on DS but he's developed one of his own (he's now 8 months). We still feed on demand and let him nap on demand but he was clearly wanting a proper bedtime so we now put him to bed at 8pm or so - much better than having a grumpy baby shouting at us for three hours because he's tired. I've also noticed that he's fallen into more of a natural routine now we're home all the time rather than out and about as we were pre-lockdown. He's still a bit up and down with naps but his feeding is totally predictable. I'm not actually sure I would have noticed if it wasn't for being home all the time!

We had no routine right up until DD started nursery. When ds was first born I remember there were many nights when we were all still awake at 11pm

They are 3 and 5 now and both go happily into bed at 7:30.

I hated the word routine

We had patterns, very loose patterns. Some daily, some every other day, some weekly.

I was surprisingly relaxed during the first 14 months. Patterns formed by DD1 around 7-9 months which we just went with.

Stay relaxed OP, it’s a nice place to be

Yep I am a go with the flow mum , broperly more routine with 2nd but both BF and co slept and didn,t have fixed bedtime for first couple of years.

I wouldn’t say we had no routine, as we would often do similar things most days in a certain order, although we kind of just fell into that. But we’ve never stuck to any particular timings and I never clock watched - babies’ needs change from month to month, sometimes week to week so it seemed completely pointless to me to say we need to do things at certain times - by the time you’ve got into one routine, they suddenly want to sleep half an hour less or something and you back to square one.

Patterns! @WhereIsTheSaladDoris that’s the word I never could think of - we didn’t have routines, we had patterns. Thanks

I didn't have a massive routine either. I don't understand the ones who say they had a routine from day dot and their baby slept through at 2 days old bla bla bla because I tried routines with my 2nd baby and trying to put his older sister to bed and settle him was hard juggling or what if they get poorly and need you in the evening the routine just goes straight out the window and then you start cuddling them and they get used to it so I just don't get how people can stick to routines all the time and life doesn't get in the way

@Pinkblueberry patterns in our house would be: I’m have a PJ day twice a week; or a parent meet-up once a week at my house.

Just as you thought you had some sort of ‘routine’ it would change because of unexpected shit you hadn’t planned, so I renamed it “patterns”

A bit off topic but which next to me do you have? Would like to keep ds in ours but it says 6 months. I wonder if this is more of a guide?

No routine here. Mine are 3 and nearly 2. They go to creche 3 days a week in normal times so have to wake up for that and they stick to a kind of routine at creche. On non creche days they eat when hungry, sleep when tired, sleep where they want (in their own beds or with us). It works for us. I do get a lot of comments from in-laws but I ignore them. My kids are happy, as am i, that's what matters.

I did this with all 3 of my dc and still do really. It’s easier for us as we don’t have nursery/school to worry about. It’s worked well for us and they are all very good at self regulating.