When should you be able to leave your child alone?

[MrsMarvel]

I have started a new thread which started on the Madeleine McCann thread so the crusaders / strikers don't miss out.

I now leave DS (7) on his own to walk to school, in that I walk him nearly all the way, and he goes down one alleyway, crosses at the green man and then is at school.

I do this as have DD to get to the infant school, and if I take him all the way she would be either late for school or just on the bell, and DS has asked for gthat bit of independence. He is not on his own as such, as there are many families walking the route at that time if day.

Have not left him on his own at home yet, and will not do so for the forseeable future.

I don't know of any law other than the laws which are based around child protection.

as prettybird says, on the continent very young children walk alone to school - in germany the schools are only for the morning, so lots of kids go homea after lunch and are on their own all afternoon until mum/dad gets in from work.

I don't think these should be laws but very well publicised guidance. Like there used to be with seatbelt use.

Regarding going to school - our children couldn't leave school on their own until Juniors, a parent always has to pick them up.

In Germany there is masses of public information and education to children on road safety etc. Not sure about the law there either though.

Also in Germany they have different schools for working parents so children don't need to be on their own.

DS#1 was about 8 when I started leaving him for 30 mins or so - usually to take DD somewhere. DD was probably about the same. I don't leave DS#2 yet as he's only 4.

Now that DS#1 is 10 and DD is 8, I'm happy to leave them longer. But they have my moible number, they know not to let anyone in and if I'm going to be later than I said I will ring them to warn them.

I left my DS when 9 for 10 mins while I go to collect DD from school, but I wouldn't leave him alone at night, even if asleep.

I wouldn't leave DD (8) alone in the house at all simply because she's a monkey and would raid my make-up box!

Orm I think that common sense prevails among most people so I don't think that laws need to be made, but I do think there should be guidance.

I think the McCanns (and many others) thought that a check every half hour was enough. I would argue that in that time anything could happen. I remember when it first happened thinking that the Maddie would be found stuck in a an empty room somewhere because she'd gone looking for mummy and locked herself in.

I remember being instructed to answer the phone but NEVER say my parents were out. They were 'IN THE BATH'. Always.

Quite bright of my parents, really.

sparkybabe, was your friend not able to go to tesco on her own and leave her baby with her DP? why couldn't she do her shopping with her dc?

i leave my dd (12) in the house on her own for an hour or so when i go to the shop, but take her dbs (9) & (8) with me. she is forbidden to answer the front door, has my mobileon speed dial and can answer the phone but has to lie and say I'm in the shower. she is a sensibel girl. her middle brother is half mountain goat/half mutant x man and probably won't be allowed to be in the house on his own when he is her age.

i have left them all in the car when i have gone to pay for petrol, nipped into a small shop where i can see the car through a large window...but only once they are of an age that i consider reasonable to do so ( dd would have been around 8, ds's 4 & 5 or so. i have never left them unattended whilst going out for a meal/drink. I would consider doing this when youngest is around 14.

dd walks part way to school after being dropped on a main road outside a shop and waiting for a friend. boys get dropped off at primary by car before i go on to work.

Has anyone got the answer to the legality of leaving your child alone?

What do you mean MrsMarvel? - I thought that has already been answered. There isn't an official minimum age: it's up to individual circumstances. That was where the debate on the other threead was going.

if you are meaing "do we have the answer as to what we think a minimum age" should be, I've already argued that I don't think that that is appropriate as there are so many different variables to consider.

For example, I think it is more acceptable to leave the house for a few minutes with a sleeping newborn inside than a mobile and mischievous toddler.

Ah but that depends on what you mean by a few minutes. I think guidelines can be drawn, laws are made on all sorts of complicated matters so I don't see why guidelines can't be drawn up and made public.

At age 10 I used to get a bus then a train to school with my brother, then walk different routes to different schools, after school I got the train myself then often went swimming at the locl pool myself and caught the train home.

DS is that age and I can't even think abut him catching a bus, he does get to walk round to his freinds and grans house though.

I personally do't want the law to get into that level of detail. It really would be Big Brother-ish to have to jsutfiy to that lelve.

And as I have argued on the other thread, one 15 year old could be totally irresponsbile, while a 10 year old could be very mature.

And that's before you even get into issues of Special Needs. Could an AS child of left? What about someone with moderate learning disabilities: what age can they be left?

And waht about going outside and playing? Or even walking to school or the shops or to sports lessons? Surely they should also count as "unattended"?

I agree, but I do think that guidance from the government should be there. Many people just don't think about these dangers - many are not on mumsnet questioning their parenting methods.

I don?t think any child should be left alone without being supervised by an adult until they are going to secondary school, CERTANLY never left alone in a house while the parent goes shopping or out for a meal. What is wrong in taking their children with them like most people do? Children are the responsibility of the parents and all parents should know what their children are doing, so if the parent is out and the child is alone it is obvious the parent doesn?t know that the child has woken up.
My opinion on this is this, if you can?t look after your children and know where your children are and what they are doing DON?T have them in the first place, I will probably be criticised for this opinion but I will ask one question.
Is it any wonder today?s society is the way it is when children are being brought up to do what they like and that is exactly what children do when they don?t have any parental control .

I don't think my mum likes leaving me alone in (my own) house now - I'm 27!
But I think I was left from 9 or ten for her to pop to the newsagent, 11 or 12 for a couple of hours and probably 12 or 13 while parents were at work during the day, with the usual warnings about not answering the door / not going out and not telling people on the phone that parents were out. We knew all the neighbours, and most were retired so I always had some nearby. Looking back I think that's about right, and I was a very sensible child.

Fin54 - I really can't agree that chidren should never be left alone - as was said earlier, children in Germany quite often look after themselves all afternoon while parents are at work. Childhood is a very artificial thing, historically kids worked at very early ages and looked after other kids (still do in places in Africa for example) I'm not saying it's necessarily right but kids of 10 and up do not need watching ALL THE TIME, like smaller ones do.

I, like many thousands over others, left my DC asleep (and either used listening services/Mark Warner nannies/checked on them regularly) when on holiday or at home. People do this in hotels, on cruises, on campsites, on caravan parks, in holiday camps .... wherever! It is a load of nonsense to say people should be prosecuted for this (IMO obviously!). Also my DS have travelled to and from school by themselves from final year primary. I knew both of them would have much longer journeys to make when they went to secondary school and it was never an option for them to be taken or collected. DS2, now 15, has to walk to the bus stop, get the bus to the Metro station, travel for 35 minutes on the Metro to get to school.He has done this since he was 11 (just). This is commonplace! As to not allowing "children" out or to stay in alone until they are 14. Words fail me! How can these children be prepared for life! In my experience (having worked with teenagers for over 20 years) it is always these overprotected young people who end up getting into trouble when they rebel as soon as they are allowed a bit of freedom. I am obviously not talking about just allowing children to roam the streets or have no rules - that is a totally different scenario. But common sense must prevail! Us oldies (I am 50) all tell stories about the freedoms we had when we were young. I went out with my friends for the day from about the age of 12 - to the beach, to the park with a picnic; playing tennis, shopping and yes, sometime there were problems - there was a memorable incident with a flasher on a beach . I might be naive but I REALLY don't believe that today's children are any more at risk of harm than we were but they are at risk of being wrapped up in cotton wool and living a sedentary life. Sorry for the long rant but some people seem to think that being a good mother seems to mean never taking your eyes of them. I totally disagree. I believe it means teaching them the skills to deal with the world - of course every child is individual and must be treated as such but I can't believe that any young person of 14 should not be allowed some personal freedom.

motheroftwoboys

Hurrah, oh how I agree with you.

You need to teach your children from an early age how to look after themselves, how to cope with life, then give them the opportunities to use their life skills, take responsibility for themselves.

They don't do that if mother is anxiously watching over them, directing every move.

I still can't believe the mother of a boy in ds's beaver group. She registered to become a helper with beavers, JUST because she didn't believe her little darling would be safe going on an organised, well supervised, one night camp without her. All the other kids got the chance to experience a night away from their parents. Her son had to take his mum too !!

I can beat that one. One of the sixth formers at school here has a mother who rang up the music department at the school and told them she didn't think DD should have her out of school music lessons any more as she needed to spend all her time studying. This is an A* student who is a superbly talented singer and was devestated. The mother (a surgeon) wants the daughter/has instructed the daughter that she is going to be a doctor and, wait for it, she is going buy a house whereever DD goes to Uni so she can live with her and "keep an eye on her". The Head of 6th form here told me that some students end up working abroad to escape from such controlling parents. also there are very many parents who insist their "little darlings" are going to be medics. Now we all know that you need 3 As to get into medical school so students end up failing a subject on purpose so they can do what they want. this is true!! No doubt these people truly believe they are good parents.

Motheroftwo

Why would you want to live with your children that long? I think the DD might kill her mother.

DS (11) has told me which university he is going to - ot just happens to be the one at the opposite end of the country to where we live!