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Original poster

Grossest thing you've done as a parent - light hearted

45 replies

Alyssum34456 · 15/03/2020 16:56

Since having kids Blush

I have 3:

  • baby weeing all over my trousers and not changing them for ages as I genuinely forgot.
  • not changing my bedsheets at 3am when baby was sick on them after bf in our bed. Just dabbed it and put muslin over it! Baby has clean sheets in own bed of course!
  • twice I've had to hold baby whilst going to the toilet. Was so desperate and he screamed blue murder when I tried to put him down.

Not forgetting the lack of showering in the early days! He's perfectly clean btw Grin just me that's a mess!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Imicola · 15/03/2020 17:43

I've just been puked on about 20 minutes ago. I am now in a towel, and DH is sitting with DD on the remaining puke patch on the sofa that hasn't yet been cleaned.

Windyatthebeach · 15/03/2020 17:45

Back in the day when babies ate rusks - there really is no way to ditch a half sogged one when dc had had enough - except to eat it yourself!!

BeFire · 15/03/2020 17:46

I once decided catching a load of vomit in my hands was a good idea Confused

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meow1989 · 15/03/2020 17:49

Ds was wearing a swim suit and no nappy in a paddling pool and pooed, so without thinking I reached down the back and scooped it out with my bare hands. I've also caught sick and been known to wipe snottiness on whatever trousers I'm wearing and am quite often fed prechewed food. Mum life 🤷🏻‍♀️

DorotheaHomeAlone · 15/03/2020 17:55

Newborn pooed into my hand this morning. That was delightful. I’ve also deliberately caught vomit from both her siblings in my hands to save furniture/carpet. Plenty more of that to come.

LynetteScavo · 15/03/2020 18:14

I have caught vomit in my hand as a reflex action.
I have told DH not to change wee soaked sheets I was sleeping in after DC climbed into my bed in the middle of the night rather than find the loo, because they were warm. (DH didn't listen to me and insisted on changing the sheets)
Manually assisted a bowl movement with my very own hand while a toddler yelled "pull it!" at me.
Eaten food off m DCs plate and only realised one it was in my mouth they'd already chewed it and spat it out.
I wore the same jeans for 125 days running (slight exaggeration) because they were the only thing I could fit in to post pregnancy and didn't have the energy to wash and dry them overnight or get to the shops for another pair with three small DC.

Phillipa12 · 15/03/2020 18:29

Yep, ive caught vomit in my hands, it was that or scrubbing a carpet.

Original poster
Alyssum34456 · 15/03/2020 18:30

These are so funny!

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 15/03/2020 18:36

Six month old ds got constipated, was obviously uncomfortable and then passed a tennis ball sized poo - oh my god, no idea how someone so small could do that.

ThisHereMamaBear · 15/03/2020 18:41

When ds1 was little I would wipe his snot on my nipples as I was expressing and thought that would make my body produce any required antibodies. I would eat them also for the same reason. Do I win?

Aunty5ocial · 15/03/2020 18:56

When my DC were babies I would suck the snot from their nostrils when they were snuffly/had a cold. It felt totally natural and didn't gross me out in the slightest.

Mummyneedsacoffee · 15/03/2020 18:58

Catch sick in my hands. Blergh

SansaryaAgain · 15/03/2020 19:03

Nothing can prepare you for the task of looking up your child's arsehole to check for threadworms and seeing the little fuckers squirming in and out. Without a doubt the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced as a parent and I've been peed/pooped/vomited on plenty of times!

Lordfrontpaw · 15/03/2020 19:08

It’s got to be catch sick in my hands or pulling out the bottom of my jumper like a life net to catch projectile vomit (brand new white jumper - child just ate a whole load of stew made from tomatoes, garlic and aubergine). We had just got into the car to go home after a meal and I had to sit in a soggy, sick covered jumper (jumper straight into the bin when we got home). The feeling of cold sick slapping against your skin!

Woofwoofwooof · 15/03/2020 19:13

He was sick down my front just as we were about to leave the house. I just put my coat on over it and hoped I didn't smell too much

Frlrlrubert · 15/03/2020 19:16

When DD was a baby she pooed in the bath, I was also in the bath

GetTheSprinkles · 15/03/2020 19:31

Last night my 15wo needed a nappy change at 2am. I opened the nappy and he immediately peed all over me. Changed his clothes, only for him to then poo right through the new nappy. Changed him again and laid him down on the bed. He then had a coughing fit and vomited all over the bed at 3am (not just a little spit up, his entire feed!). Changed the sheet and him. Fed him again as he was hungry and he then spat up beside my pillow. Muslin on top and we both fell asleep- 2 sheet changes in 1 night was just not going to happen WinkGrin
I do also enjoy picking his snot and waxConfused

sqirrelfriends · 15/03/2020 19:49

I caught a flying poo.

DS was on the sofa having his nappy changed and pulled the front of his nappy really hard and sort of catapulted it's contents up into the air. I instinctively went to catch it so it wouldn't ruin anything. I'll never forget how warm that poo felt Envy

FLO20 · 15/03/2020 21:46

Slept on a patch of baby sh*t for more than 1 night.....

Sleepycat91 · 15/03/2020 23:43

My mother is a foul, foul being. Rather than buying a snot sucker when we were kids, she would suck the snot out of our noses instead. It makes me die a bit inside just thinking about it🤢🤢🤢🤢

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 16/03/2020 19:28

@Sleepycat91 im with your ma here, the snot sucker never worked for DD, made her howl, i always just did it myself

Fatted · 16/03/2020 19:32

My youngest went through a phase of being unable to poo in a nappy when he was six months old. So I would have to loosen his nappy, leave it under him and and wait for him to go. Thankfully, I could usually tell when he needed to go and they were always solid.

mommymooo · 16/03/2020 19:43

When my DS was a baby I was doing a very early morning nappy change.
Fab only a wet one. Or so I thought as I lifted his legs the bright yellow poop sprayed up my arm to the elbow splashed my face a bit and hit the white painted wall (still slightly stained)
Finished changing him washed my arm wiped the wall down put him to sleep got into bed and sleep.......
Wake up look in mirror ARGH yellow crunchy hair patch Sad

alwaysstressed · 16/03/2020 20:08

I was at the checkout at Tesco loading my shopping onto the belt. My toddler dd was sitting in the trolley and I wasn't paying much attention to her then she said here mummy.
She handed me the worlds biggest bogey! I held it for a few seconds thinking where the hell do I put this?
So i reached down and just wiped it on my jeans. I keep thinking someone was bound to be watching her dig that bogey out

Buggedandconfused · 16/03/2020 20:11

Baby son did poo’s so big and solid into his nappy in his sleep we could take them out not changing the nappy ad put them in the loo. They were like clay and so huge we kept a knife by the loo to break them up or they wouldn’t flush 💩

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