Grossest thing you've done as a parent - light hearted

[Alyssum34456]

Since having kids

I have 3:

• baby weeing all over my trousers and not changing them for ages as I genuinely forgot.
• not changing my bedsheets at 3am when baby was sick on them after bf in our bed. Just dabbed it and put muslin over it! Baby has clean sheets in own bed of course!
• twice I've had to hold baby whilst going to the toilet. Was so desperate and he screamed blue murder when I tried to put him down.

Not forgetting the lack of showering in the early days! He's perfectly clean btw just me that's a mess!

My 18 month old pooed standing up in the bath so I caught it in my hand and flushed it straight down the toilet

Fished toddler poo out of bathtub and picked one off floor that was flung out of said bath. Pulling boogers out dc nose when no time to get tissue and urgency so they didn’t migrate back inside

When changing DS’s nappy once his wee shot out and went in my mouth.
I also almost accidentally ate one of his bogies. He had something on his cheek and I picked it off and put it in my mouth, I have no idea why I put it in my mouth.
Once he had some banana in a supermarket, and decided he needed to spit his half chewed banana out into my hand. I didn’t really know what to do with it so I ate it. I don’t like banana, half chewed or not.

I’m grim aren’t I? Seeing it in text. Eurgh!

Freeze spraying poop off toddlers underwear with cold water tap ready for steeping...oh why didn’t I just chuck out!!

Was changing ds and his anus starting contracting, then a fairly solid (thankfully) poo shot out which I caught.

Picked up my sons poo using a tissue or similar and lobbed it across a field

Held my bare hands out to catch vomit.

She was 5 at the time. "Mummy why did you try and catch my sick?"

DD liked those games where you kinda chuck her up in the air when she was a baby. I was holding her up in the air above my head making funny faces at her and she was sick. In my mouth

This thread is just what I needed! Thank you all for making me properly laugh.

Changing my baby in the dark, at night, when he projectile shat all over the mat and carpet. Husband said he would clean up the poo on the floor if I changed the baby. Next morning found shit sprayed all up the wall that we hadn’t clocked 👍

Caught vomit in my hand repeatedly. It's instinct really.
Not flinched when DS coughed whilst vomiting and vomit sprayed over my face. Just used a baby wipe and continued holding a bowl under his chin.
Constantly pulled snot out of his nose, or been passed snot that he has pulled out of his nose. He kept trying to get my attention tonight whilst I was cooking and talking to DH. Turned out it was to show me the big price of snot he had dug out.

Nurse training - midwifery - back in the 70s

Had double trap suction contraptions to suck the birthing fluids out of the newly born mouth.

Trap didn't work - I got a mouthful of amniotic fluid from the mum. Nowhere to spit and I didn't wan't to embarrass brand new mum so just swallowed it.

Pre my own children and I was only 19. Nothing seemed too gross from my own after that.

I had to give DS a suppository because he was constipated. With my finger. 🤢

My son handed me poo around Christmas? We were waiting for his brother to get off the loo he hands me something warm and brown

Cleaned the green pus off my dcs ear and face after her ear drum ruptured. Ear infections are RANK

My son did a poo known as a 'poonami' and was covered up to his armpits in shit. I didn't know what to do to tried to take his baby grow off as it was covered, thus covering my gorgeous sons arms and back of head in said shit. I then carried him up the stairs with my bare arms to plonk him in the bath, thus covering me in the shit too

*ThisMamaBear
*
You win for me 😷

Sorry I shortened your name there ThisHereMamaBear

Little one put a got a bead stick up her nose, she panicked and screamed I sucked it out ☹️

There was a time in my life when no amount of urine on my bedsheets was acceptable

That time has passed

Toddler DS and I have just admired the size of the giant piece of snot he pulled out of his nose. It was huge