If you could go back and do the fist year again...parenting regret!

[FeeFee382]

If you could go back and do the first year again what would you change?

I had an easy 'day' baby but she was practically allergic to sleep. She's two this month and still wakes about four times a night. She was also held for every nap of her life until she started nursery at 16 months.

I would have bedshared from the start, put a bigger emphasis on serving vegetables when weaning, left the house more, I had bad anxiety and would go five days without leaving my house, I wish DD and I had had more adventures. Now she's a toddler it's a lot harder. I wish I hadn't worried so much about being unable to feed her via bottle, she was slightly smaller than average and I was worried my boobs weren't enough but we are two years into breastfeeding and now she refuses to be weaned but that's another issue. I would have banned all over night guests and people who turn up and just want to hold the baby with their filthy hands whilst I trot up and down making teas despite having just endured 39 weeks of severe hyperemesis and a ventouse delivery I am still bitter, can you tell?.

I was very lucky to have a supportive DH, he would happily take DD and walk her around for two hours to get her to sleep, even on nights he was going to work. The first year with our DD was one of the happiest times of our lives.

Not get pregnant when Dd was 6 months old. They are now 16 & 15 and obviously I wouldn't change it for the world, I look back and wish I'd had a bit more time with Dd and really getting to grips with motherhood. The first few years is a bit of a blur now!

Push harder with medical professionals that there was something wrong with DS. It wasn't life threatening but it was enough that I knew he wasn't right.

Let people help more.

Prioritise my recovery
Better communication with my OH about what I needed support & help with
Gone to a PP fitness class

Don,t think I would change things. Not saying it was all perfect but not sure if it was harder then other stages of childhood and we all do what we do for a reason

Invite more of their baby friends round for that desolate wasteland at the end of the day that is tea/bathtime. I worried to much about disturbing routine and found those hours the loneliest.

Expect DH to do his fair share of parenting, including at night and early mornings, right from the get go.

Buy less shit. Use the sling more. Cosleep for longer and not give a shit about housework

I shouldn’t have spent so long obsessing about milk and sleep. Found a diary recently where I was keeping note of the time every time DS fed, and how long he spent on each breast, and what time it was/how many times he woke each night. Desperately trying to find some kind of a pattern that would help him sleep through.

Life got a lot better once I stopped keeping track. And he did eventually at the age of 3 sleep through the night.

Co-sleep from the start. Burn the baby advice books.

Oh God yes! Burn the books!

Pile of shite every last one of them!

Gentle sleep book in particular- tax on sleep deprived stupidity, buying that particular turd

Worry less about routine I think. DD would only nap well in her cot (pram occasionally, hated slings, car never) & so I became quite obsessive about life revolving around being back home for naptimes in her cot. Which restricted life so much. I felt trapped at home or if we were out at say a class, I’d start worrying about getting home for nap. Looking back, I think why wasn’t I just a bit more chill & if she missed a nap then oh well.

Due baby no.2 any day & I’m determined to just go with the flow this time. This one admittedly will have to slot into DD1’s routine so I’ll have less choice about it!

Breastfeeding - worst decision I ever made.

More baby groups would be nice, I'm 5 months in

With my first I put a lot of pressure on myself to get out, go to baby groups, socialise etc. In retrospect it was ridiculous- I was recovering from a horrible birth and still in pain. DS1 never slept. I was beside myself with it all. With DS2 I had a c section, took things much much easier in the first couple of months, now he is 4mo I've signed up to one baby club and if he's had a bad night or I'm not feeling up to it I just don't go. It's much better and I wish I'd done this the first time around.

Keep reminding myself, Will this matter in three months' time? Six months? A year? Five years? Example: So, the baby didn't nap today - is it REALLY that much of a problem?

Oh yes

I remember my sister going crazy trying to get her baby to nap in an the car, in the buggy. We all had to be quiet in the car , coat held over baby to be dark, used to do the same outside. Abuse at anyone who dared speak and prevent her falling asleep.

I used to think ffs this is ridiculous. I didnt have a baby at the time. Now the kid is 7 and at school... I don't think my sister even remembers the shit she lost over making her nap and it doesn't matter in the long term.

I wouldn't spend an hour and stress trying and get my first to nap for 20/30mins coz the sodding books said so.

Not bothering to try and get them to nap in the cot or pram. Discovering slings earlier. Giving a dummy earlier.

I would definitely rock baby to sleep. I would ignore all the books saying 'pop contented and sleepy baby in the cot so they happily drift off to sleep on their own'. Might work for some, my baby just screamed.

@DDIJ not have had a child?!

@LimpidPools good advice!

*@limpshade

@Lobsterquadrille2 only 6 weeks mat leave?!

@SoupDragon I'm not sure, I'm only 6 months in. I think I would change all the stressing about the baby sleeping. He now sleeps 12 hours a night but I spent days worrying about schedules and naps. The minute I gave up and stopped fussing, just let him stay up till 9pm etc, he started going to sleep at 7 and now sleeps till 7.

I wish I had just relaxed. Wanted to get peoples advice on what they might have changed so I don't go through that again

I exclusively pumped for 12 weeks before DD could latch properly and while I'm glad I did as I enjoyed breastfeeding, I put a lot of pressure on myself in those early weeks to avoid feeding formula and spent so much time pumping. I actually had this discussion with DH and said that if it happened again, I'd just combi feed from the start and not run myself ragged with trying to triple feed.

Other than that, I don't think much. We've had a pretty easy ride and we are both quite chilled out so we've just kind of muddled through fine

Oh @toska - sorry to hear that.

Why the vegetable emphasis?

Wish you'd left the house more when she was young? I'm a bit like you... I can spend days in my house and then the longer I stay in, I don't want to leave.