I'm really close to breaking

[LibbyAshleigh]

I have a 3 month old and recently found out I'm pregnant again. I'm still living with my parents, but we're close to moving out so that's not a problem. But I'm getting so stressed and I'm so tired and finding myself sad a lot of the time and it's so hard to deal with when I'm on my own, my boyfriend is at work 9 hours a day 5 days a week, I have a mother who thinks she knows absolutely everything about MY child and I'm fed up. I don't think I'll be able to cope in the house by myself because I'll soon get to the point where I feel sick all day everyday for 6-9 weeks and I could barely take care of myself last time when I had nausea, I'm really not good when I feel ill, so I have no idea how I'm going to cope on my own. People have said they'll come over and help when they can but they can't always come. So I'm really really not sure how I'm going to cope. Does anyone know anything that might help me?

One pregnancy is not like another. I've 5 months between mine and I'd never felt better (until I get pneumonia at 5 months pregnant). You're nearly out. 9h out of the house sounds normal too I'm afraid. What do you want to change?

I know it might feel like an awful thing to think about, but you should remember that you do have options when it comes to pregnancy.

I know I have options, yes. I know it's still very early. But abortion isn't an option because it's against what I believe. But so is sleeping together before marriage and this is my second child and I'm not married yet. But I'm sick of making mistakes so I can't make the mistake of abortion 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's one thing to not have an abortion because you truly don't want to. But not having an abortion because you think you "shouldn't" or to prove that you "don't make mistakes" is, i think, a bigger mistake than abortion or premarital sex could ever be. In your position, i aborted, and haven't ever regretted it.

It sounds tough OP. I don’t have any advice apart from listen to yourself, seek rl support if you can and take it a day at a time.

I had two v close together plus PND and various stressful issues. It was really tough for a few years and I just had to grit my teeth and do my best. Now they are older primary school age, they are great buddies and fun, generally easy company, and life is joyful again.

Best if luck.

Hi @LibbyAshleigh can you see what help your Health Visitor or Midwife will provide?
There is a lot your boyfriend can do to help - tell him your finding things tough and you need some help. Hopefully he will do what he can.
Other options might be local church’s. They might have some help available.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your little ones will be close in age so you shouldn’t have any problems with jealousy.
Try and take it easy and rest when your boyfriend is at home.
Every pregnancy is different so hopefully this one will be easier to cope with.

Also with the tiredness and feeling unhappy ask for an iron test. Anemia can often have the same symptoms

A baby can be a much bigger mistake than an abortion and honestly you don't sound like you're coping with help in the house.
The people offering help, likely won't come through on it.
Principles are great, but you're shagging at mums house without protection with a 3 month old baby, it's time to start taking some responsibility for yourself and your child especially if you're considering another and already believe you won't cope.

Thank you :)

(I'm not having an abortion yes because I believe I shouldn't and also because I don't want to. And you may not have regretted it, but the majority of women that have them do, it's natural)

I'd thank some of you to be a little more sensitive on here, since that's what it's for. Help and support, not criticism

It may not be nice to hear, but there comes a time when you have to face the facts. It sounds like @lilmishap is right though. There's no point doubling down on a difficult situation, its not fair to your kid.

Also, I'd love to see your source for claiming that most women regret abortions - I've never spoken to anyone who would say they regretted theirs. Regretted it being necessary, yes. Wished they hadn't done it, nope. So I'd be interested to see where you got that from.

You will get through this. Focus on the positives. You're nearly out of your mum's house, so soon you will be a mum without someone second guessing your every move. This in itself will make you feel like you are coping so much more. I was the same, could hardly look after myself when nausea with the first. The second you do manage. I would recommend keeping a baby chair permanently in the bathroom so when you need to throw up you have a safe place to put baby. It may be a difficult couple of years but then you will watch your children grow and learn together. They will always have each other. You can do this!

Try Homestart they can send a volunteer for three hours one day a week.

@lilmishap, I don’t think I’ve often seen a more vile, aggressive, judgemental post than yours on MN. There are so many assumptions about the OP in there, you have no idea about her life. She is pregnant and vulnerable, and has entitled her post ‘close to breaking point’. I think you should apologise.

Op, it really sounds like a one day at a time situation. When you move out, home start is a good idea, they are great. Have you been in touch with your health visitor recently? Would it help to talk to them about how you are feeling? I’m sure that you are doing your best, try to think about what things are going well, as well as what needs to change.

@lilmishap
As the mother of a pregnant 18 yo dd I think @lilmishap has got a point.

She also says herself she is dreading being alone and won't be able to cope, the only reason she wants to exacerbate everybodys struggle is 'her principles'.

Grown ups don't have the luxury of principles.

D’you know what....as harsh as it was @lilmisshap has a point!

Grown ups don't have the luxury of principles
Agree!

my principles didn't come into my abortion decision after I had a contraception failure (not the 1st, bastard pill) What drove me was the effect having another baby would have had on my dc that were here.
I often thought that I couldn't go through with one but when faced with it I knew it was the right thing and the best thing I could do at that time.
Fwiw op I do not regret it.

If you are going to continue this pregnancy then you really need to start accepting that it's going to be difficult. Many of us have been there with dc still babies and a newborn. I won't lie, it's hard but not impossible.

Don't have sex unprotected if you didn't want another simple

You are such a troll, Bluebell121. You're using the language of a 13 year old circa 2002. "Don't open your legs", what is wrong with you?

OP is looking for some coping mechanisms for a difficult part in her pregnancy.

Could your boyfriend work from home for a day or two a week? Have you spoken to your mother about her style of back-seat parenting? Do you have a friend that could come and help, even if it's for a few hours during the week so you're not alone for the vast majority of the day?