Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm really close to breaking

44 replies

LibbyAshleigh · 03/03/2020 19:09

I have a 3 month old and recently found out I'm pregnant again. I'm still living with my parents, but we're close to moving out so that's not a problem. But I'm getting so stressed and I'm so tired and finding myself sad a lot of the time and it's so hard to deal with when I'm on my own, my boyfriend is at work 9 hours a day 5 days a week, I have a mother who thinks she knows absolutely everything about MY child and I'm fed up. I don't think I'll be able to cope in the house by myself because I'll soon get to the point where I feel sick all day everyday for 6-9 weeks and I could barely take care of myself last time when I had nausea, I'm really not good when I feel ill, so I have no idea how I'm going to cope on my own. People have said they'll come over and help when they can but they can't always come. So I'm really really not sure how I'm going to cope. Does anyone know anything that might help me?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
snowybean · 06/03/2020 09:30

And by that last point I mean friends that are booked in, like X comes every Thursday from 11am-1pm and Y comes on Tuesdays from 1-3pm.

MaddeningtheUnhelpful · 06/03/2020 09:37

I only had a 16 month gap between my two oldest so I was pregnant when baby was 7 months. Was in horrendous circumstances, fleeing domestic abuse, but I actually didnt find it too hard. Eldest didn't understand jealousy yet so was just accepting of the baby and I felt as though I'd done the baby hit all in one go. It was tough, especially althe nights, exhaustion and being lonely mainly. My cat helped, we used to have massive heart to hearts which he TOTALLY understood Grin Had a bigger gap with my youngest so kids were 6 and 5 when new baby come and that was HARD. Both older ones felt jealous, were regressing with sleep etc. And that time I wasnt alone and had a very very supportive husband

JoMumsnet · 06/03/2020 14:50

We've deleted a number of posts on this thread that we felt were harsh and not in the spirit of the site. The OP's here asking for advice and above all, a bit of support at a difficult time.

As set out in our Talk Guidelines we ask that you use the same courtesy when posting messages on Talk as you would use when speaking to someone face to face. Please do bear in mind how difficult this parenting business can be, and if there's one thing all of us could do with, it's some moral support.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

lilmishap · 07/03/2020 00:21

@MNHQ to the reports that were made about my posts, here is what I am trying to get across. It is advice because OP won't benefit from lies about the joys of parenting alone

That thread has had me in tears for 24 hours because I could see what my mum was being told when she was struggling with her 2nd pregnancy and again with her third and fourth

We grew up in care as a result of her 'anti-abortion principles' and well meaning advice from women who were not struggling, advising her to do it.
She died when I was ten (suicide) as she never recovered from losing us. My brother took his own life in care and me and my sister were abused in care.
This is in my post history.

Nice is lovely, it's very Mumsnet. Real life is different

Abortion is taboo, so is admitting some mums cannot cope with a second baby, and go ahead because ppl say "it will work itself out" this impacts the rest of those children's lives, because it doesn't always work itself out.

I won't apologise for being furious, tearful and not joining in with the same lies my mum was told towards a woman who is torn up.

I wish my mum had had her arse handed to her before her 2nd, 3rd, and 4th baby. Thenshe wouldn't have felt so miserable, stressed and we wouldn't have suffered the care system.

Sorry for the swearing.

lilmishap · 07/03/2020 00:25

Get to the GP, get support and accept you are not thinking long term because a)newborns affect your hormones and B) pregnancy affects your hormones

There are actual professionals who can advice you. See them

lilmishap · 07/03/2020 00:29

And thank you to those who could see I wasn't just being a cunt for the heck of it.

WanderingTrolley1 · 07/03/2020 03:36

If you’re struggling now, believe me, adding another baby into the mix, while you’re home alone, without support, life is going to be much harder. I would seriously consider other options.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/03/2020 08:14

You need to think of this in terms of what's best for your child. You have a duty of care to them and they can't advocate for themselves. What sort of support would you have for 2 so close in age?

AngelaScandal · 07/03/2020 08:26

@lilmishap 💐

OP, it’s fine to not want an abortion for yourself. Your body, your choice. But don’t state the majority of women regret their abortions. Simply not true. All the right wing, pseudo-medical, religiously inspired dogma doesn’t make it so. Be grateful you live in a country where people can access abortion services if they need them.

RickOShay · 07/03/2020 08:27

@lilmishap
I am so sorry for what you and your family went through. I agree with you. Babies are the opposite of fairy tale endings.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 07/03/2020 08:35

I certainly didn’t regret my abortion. I felt wild relief.
OP, I feel for you, please talk to your midwife. Professional services can help you deal with this. I had a ‘small’ gap between two of my children that was much larger than yours will be (20 months) and it was brutally hard. F I had my time again I would safeguard my mental health by accessing early support and help - midwife, health visitors, friends. You’re not alone Flowers

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 07/03/2020 08:36

@lilmishap Flowers for you.

Breastfeedingworries · 07/03/2020 08:46

Lilmishap Flowers Flowers

Op I felt the same way as you, but soon as I found I was pregnant with my dd (I’m not with her father) I never even considered abortion. However! I had a scare when my dd was 2 months old and took a test. Thankfully that was negative but no way I could cope with another. I’d have aborted for my first child’s sake. I do think you grow up and like someone has said you lose the luxury of Principles.

I’d steal, beg borrow or kill for my dd and that’s losing a lot of principles and morals! Real life happens. (Obviously I hope I never have to do those things!)

Good luck with your choice. Flowers

midwestspring · 07/03/2020 14:29

I think that @lilmishap speaks a lot of truth.
Having worked as a front line child protection social worker a lot of people have dc when they are no position mentally or practically to care for them well and it is the dc who suffer most.

That said OP plenty of people do manage in your situation, so if you want to go ahead with your pregnancy who need to start building as much support as possible around you.

I agree with talking to HV, looking for volunteer support such as home start. Are there any other supports HV could help you access?

lilmishap · 07/03/2020 18:57

Maybe if people were more honest about the sheer volume of women who go through a pregnancy knowing they have no patience, ability to compromise, empathy, a sense of entitlement, a belief they can't learn from anyone, fear of having to deal with shit by themselves while feeling sick while also knowing they will not cope without reaching ''breaking point' the care system could be full of kids whose life story wasn't written out in utero.

Mumsnet presumed 'Breaking point" meant crying in a heap. Read the op again, note the words used because they are words a lot of kids recognise as meaning the opposite of sad , Dp is almost 'accused' of working 9 hours, Mum is accused in a weirdly indignant way of knowing whats best for MY baby, op is FED UP, thats not the same as sad, she then talks about being sick for weeks and incapable of looking after herself, as if it's someone elses fault and finally 'Can you tell me what to do, that isn't an abortion" Which leaves 'tell me how to get someone else to do shit for me'
The attitude OP has is exactly like the mums whose kids I was in care with. Sometimes crying, sometimes squawking, screaming and usually quite frightening.

@midwestspring I never though I'd be grateful to a social worker, but watching how mumsnetters have reported EVERY post where I've said "this is exactly how life started for pretty much every kid I came across in care" or words to that effect was reported as harsh.

Thank you for letting me finally make the connection between women who cannot cope because then everybody else steps in to make them happy until they realise and all those kids who seemed to have the exact same life experiences, miserable, screamed at and watching a grown woman cry because they believe their kid is a burden/ungrateful/out of control/doing it on purpose and it's absolutely nothing to do with mums mata hari attitude to every aspect of parenting.

I am shocked at how many women on a mums site believe OP is stating that is SAD what she can't cope with is other people, is fed up, angry because her partner works, furious an older woman is looking after her child and is at breaking point. She sounds like she is more likely to smack someone than cry.

Kittykat93 · 07/03/2020 19:03

Op, if you are close to breaking now, things will be a hundred times worse when the baby arrives. I would be seriously considering my options if I were in your position and I mean that in the kindest way.

KidCaneGoat · 07/03/2020 19:05

How much is your mum able to help once you move out? Will that make your relationship easier? I’d talk to your midwife or HV, like others have said. See if there is a homestart in your area. Or a local charity for women with PND. I hope you find some support.

lilmishap · 07/03/2020 23:33

Another way of looking at this... disregarding your 'principles' now, will enable you to not only settle into being a mum (it can be lonely) but to become confident and expert.
Two young babies/toddlers will frazzle a professional.
Most conceptions do no not make it.

Exercise some parental control and
Baby1 and Born Second will know a settled secure, calm, predictable life.
It will be all they know.

Most conceptions do not make it. Please don't deny an unconcepted future baby a happy successful life that makes you happy not stressed cause you don't like the thought.
Life can be shit or awesome. Don't risk it

RickOShay · 09/03/2020 07:47

I don’t understand why @lilmishap’s posts were deleted. She didn’t make any personal attacks.

Sometimes people NEED to hear things that are uncomfortable.
Be careful mumsnet that you don’t turn into pm me hun.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page