How do people learn to be parents?!

[Wannabemummy25]

This is perhaps a stupid question but, how do people learn about routines for newborns and parenting in general? My DH and I are planning on TTC in the next 18 months/2 years but I already feel quite panicked about pregnany and parenting in general. I've read everything on the NHS website about pregnancy and parenting which made me feel worse as there's so much I don't know!
Did anyone buy parenting books etc? Things I'm worried about are breastfeeding, changing, routines, activities to do with babies as they get a few months old to ensure brain development/stimulation, when they can eat solid food, etc!
I know literally nothing! Did anyone else feel like this?

I didn't buy parenting books. But a quick google or Mumsnet(!) can help if there is ever anything you are not sure:

breastfeeding - there should be lots of support from midwives in the early days yo help you get the hang of it.
changing - the midwife showed DH straight after delivery, DH showed me. Before that I'd never changed a baby or had any idea how to!
routines - there are none in the early days, just be led by the baby and a routine should fall into place eventually.
activities to do with babies as they get a few months old to ensure brain development/stimulation - the brain will develop regardless. Just talk to them, that's all I did really! But things like baby massage and baby sensory are great to meet other parents at the same stage and give you ideas generally!
when they can eat solid food - I think some areas do little courses in this, or google. But you have time to read up here!

Read, watch programmes, browse the internet and read some more. Spend time with family and friends that have young babies.

Babies lead their own routine when they're newborn, you just go with the flow. Look at somewhere like the La Leche League for breastfeeding advice, there is so much out there.
Feeding, read current World Health Organisation guidelines which say to exclusively bf until 6 months and then introduce food slowly. When my dd was little I loved the Annabel Karmel books as they had good recipes and good advice on weaning.
Find an NCT class to go to once you're pg and then you'll make friends with the others in the class, meaning your babies will be a similar age and you'll have people to talk to and the babies can play together once older. Groups like baby massage, story time at the library or church hall baby groups are all brilliant.
Don't stress too much, just do some more reading.

Didn't buy any baby books myself was given babies for dummies tho from a friend but I just went with it, our parents far great one a retired nurse and BIL is a paramedic so information about illnesses was covered by them, parents great source of information but guideline changes. But it's a lot off common sense.

If you can afford it, NCT or similar is good. They give you the basics and you hopefully meet a group of people to WhatsApp at 3am!

I liked Sarah Ockwell Smith gentle parenting books (she covers loads of topics) and Mumsnet for most other things. Breastfeeding I found Facebook support groups and an support group at the children's centre a god send. Learnt how to change a nappy on a teddy the night before induction

I actually wish I had read parenting books while pregnant! I intended to go with the flow and let the baby lead the routine etc as other posters have said... but not all babies are like that! My son needed a routine from the first few weeks and I had to learn vert very quickly! I'm expe ting my second now and feel.so much more prepared this time round. I think it depends a lot on the kind of baby you have... but you won't know until he is she arrives! :) The hardest thing was trying to find the time to read books on sleep etc when I had a screaming, non-napping newborn!

Didn't do anything pre TTC! Don't think anyone I know did?! You are just stressing yourself out.

I read a famous book whilst pregnant...might have been What to Expect? Only because a relative gave it to me as a hand me down. Also another book which was week by week baby development from pregnancy to the first six months which I read every week a chapter, also read the MN week by week pregnancy thing. At the end of my pregnancy, so when I was about 37-39 weeks, the HV visited me and gave me some info about safe sleeping and whatnot, I also had a tour of the hospital, a breastfeeding workshop,a session on active birth and a session on newborn care. This was all free and provided by the hospital.

Since becoming a parent I bought and read the No Cry Sleep Solution, Oh Crap (haven't tried any of that and not sure if I ever will), and Raising Your Spirited Child. The thing is though I bought those books because they were related to the child I have. It depends on your own child what they are like as to what kinds of advice and support you will need. So I don't think it's worth reading about much before they arrive. Certainly not pre-pregnancy.

NCT is good. If you plan to breastfeed La Leche League and Kelly Mom’s website are excellent resources. But ultimately you kind of just fall into it.

Trial and error (me)
Family support /advice (me)
Peer support/advice
Reading books
Attending pre natal classes, breastfeeding support groups (if choosing to BF)

I think there's so much info out there though that it can be totally overwhelming.

A lot is common sense and not getting bogged down in the materialistic side. Having all the essentials is ctually quite a small list, regardless what you read/hear/see.(Always remember that companies see new, confused, tired, scared parents as gullible gold mines)

Take a breath. Take one step at a time.

Do you drive? Or can you swim? Did you just automatically know how to do these things? Nope. You took your time, learned, developed and mastered the task at hand.

My eldest is 16...cant say I've exactly mastered the task at hand, but I've muddled through and they're happy and healthy.

There's no such thing as a perfect parent we can but strive to be a Good Enough parent.

We did nct which was partly useful. We read a few books which again helped a bit. But the best person to learn from is you! You will analyse every situation every day and work out yourself what you need to do. Or you can ask friends or family if you're not sure. Try not to stress yourself out by googling/reading everything in advance. Your instinct will kick in when your little one arrives and you'll just learn as you're going along. Every baby is different, so no book can teach you everything!

You can buy the books, you can baby sit for a friend, you can hang around with and talk to other parents, but mostly learn as you go. What works for some won,t for others.

I generally make it up as I go along and so far so good! Trust your instinct always!

Noooo...babies are small humans, with their own preferences and relationship building skills. I thought my children were like Polaroids, with their personality developing each day. You will work it out between you, same as any relationship. Don't stress

I had loads of books but didn't get round to actually reading them .

NCT was good for learning about when to go to hospital, pain relief options and birth info. I had no clue about any of it and it did make me feel a bit less panicked, even when things didn't go remotely to plan.

Your health visitor should check on you in the first few days at home and you can go to drop in clinics if you have any questions or worries, they've heard it all before.

Everyone will give you advice based on their own experience but every baby is different and what worked for them might not work for you of your child.

It will probably feel like the other parents know what they are doing, they don't.

You can do this and the fact that you even care to ask about these things shows that you'll be a better parent than a good percentage of the population already.

Read What to Exepct then happened upon here when I was pregnant with DS. Been here since. There's no point buying books, just ask on here. I've never seen an unanswered question : someone knows the answer to the most random things.

I found the set of 4 NHS classes at the end of pregnancy useful for nappy changes (and what the content should look like - marmite for the first couple if days, then mint sauce for a day or two, then yellow mustard from then, in case you were wondering ), what the birth would be like, and a brief intro to breastfeeding. Like NCT but free and shorter.

Likewise, there was a health-visitor organised weaning class at about 5 months (they should wean at 6 months).

All the bits in between inc routine & activities i just winged, and discovered the parenting board here for. Dd1 has just gone to school and is fab, so not too much if a disaster.

You learn on the job.
Honestly, I wouldn’t bother with a single parenting book. Every single kid is different. Every single parent is different. You just muddle on through!
I look back and realise I surprised the hell out of myself by succeeding just by going with what felt right when introducing solids, weaning, getting rid of bottles, potty training etc. I think if I read a lot about it I’d just second guess myself and feel like I’d failed if it didn’t pan out like the book suggests
I’m not even a particularly intuitive person, but it feels like parenting is something you just learn slowly each day!

Lots of people liked that big book called something like what to expect in the first year.

You do just work it out though.

Thanks so much for all of this! It's really helpful but has also made me even broodier than I already felt 🤣

I didn't do nothing before baby was here. It's amazing what you learn and try out yourself as you go.
I have bought Lucy Wolfe book on baby sleep and routines which is actually really good.

You don't need a routine really until baby is about 4 months old.
Weaning anytime after six months

I let you in to a little secret.. we're all winging it!! 😂

You just sort of figure it out as you go along! Try different things out, ask people, remember what your parents did (if you want to emulate or avoid!), read articles, books etc about specific ages or stages if you want.

But it starts off very simple. You only really have to feed, dress and change a newborn. You don't need to have a routine for them. You can if you want to (there are plenty of books offering suggestions as to how) but you will probably find you fall into something of a pattern anyway.

When you have the baby you'll have the support of midwives at first who can help with feeding and dressing and working out if they are warm enough. By the time you go home you should be OK at these things, if feeding problems persist there are online forums and support groups.

Then you just get one new thing at a time. You enter a new season and learn how to dress them for a different temperature. You learn what they like and don't like in terms of sleep and entertainment by trial and error. They get to the age of being able to start solids, so you either go to the health visors weaning talk, buy a book, ask friends with slightly older babies,Google it! And the next milestone is usually crawling so you have to work out how to keep them safe while they're doing that, etc etc... You don't learn all of parenting at once!

You learn on the job, ask google and speak to people you trust!

Your first child is an experiment...these were the words of wisdom given to me and boy were they true

Honestly, we're all just winging it!!! Follow your instincts. Take the advice from the professionals and the NHS re safe sleeping etc. You will be absolutely fine. Xxxxx