How do people learn to be parents?!

[Wannabemummy25]

This is perhaps a stupid question but, how do people learn about routines for newborns and parenting in general? My DH and I are planning on TTC in the next 18 months/2 years but I already feel quite panicked about pregnany and parenting in general. I've read everything on the NHS website about pregnancy and parenting which made me feel worse as there's so much I don't know!
Did anyone buy parenting books etc? Things I'm worried about are breastfeeding, changing, routines, activities to do with babies as they get a few months old to ensure brain development/stimulation, when they can eat solid food, etc!
I know literally nothing! Did anyone else feel like this?

Mostly I just went with the flow, if DD cried I'd feed her etc. There isn't that much to do with a baby really. Feed them, change their nappy, occasionally give them a wash. I tried to get out of the house at least once a day so DD got fresh air and I kept my sanity. Anything I was unsure of I'd ask/search on Mumsnet. Kellymom for breastfeeding advice as well as tiktok the lovely mumsnetter who I remember being very kind to me and I know she's kind to others. Fortunately my mum was very caring too and would come to visit us as often as she could so I get some rest. My main issue was probably dealing with dp's family members who were anti breastfeeding, and also being very very sleep deprived. But being so tired perhaps made things easier in a way, as it's hard to worry about certain things when you're just about managing to function! Later on there is weaning and getting them to eat and brush their teeth etc, but really all these things might feel overwhelming while you're in them. I was at my wit's end because my DD didn't eat, then one day she did eat and 2 years on I think "why did I waste so much time stressing about this".

My eldest is 12 and I got an NHS book from my midwife that is very basic (reassuringly so) that is a good counterbalance to the books by so called 'experts' that insist you do things their way. Every child is different but assuming they are NT (neurotypical) their personalities will be like either you, their father, or some relative and so you will know how to deal with them (I have 3DC that some parents might find challenging for various reasons but for me those are the traits I love the most, other children I would find challenging in a different way).

I have a family member who fosters and they both make me feel like a decent parent (because the birth parents set a scarily low bar) and a bad parent (because the family member's parenting skills are way in advance of mine). But they had one child with them for a while who had particularly complex needs and my relative is in awe of the parenting skills of that child's permanent foster carer. So you can always be a worse or better parent. If you are worrying about it you will be a good enough parent.

You just learn whilst you do it.

I didn’t read a single baby book, go with the flow and I am by nature a very chilled parent.

A good friend read every baby book and is stressed like hell every day because of these things/guidelines/rules etc she ‘should’ be doing

Babies are clever and resilient creatures.

I knew absolutely nothing before DS was born (still don’t know much...) but a combinations of books, internet and common sense is keeping me on track. I wasn’t sure about ‘instinct’ but some parts of parenting do feel instinctive, I was surprised as I had never looked after a baby before. Stuff like changing a nappy is fairly straightforward but I was surprised at how quickly I went from picking DS up very gingerly, like I might break him, to comfortably carrying him over my shoulder with one hand and making a coffee with the other hand - needs must!

I didn't do any reading or prep or anything. I learned by winging it basically. They're still alive at 7&8 so I can't have done much wrong (and I'm still winging it).

Your first child is an experiment

But just because your second child is easy doesn't mean you know what you are doing bitter voice of experience because third child was the hardest as a baby. Admittedly a fucking awesome and charismatic child aged 2 to 7 (i.e. so far) but still the child that makes people say 'Wow, you must have your hands full' or 'how do you keep up with him?' but as he is a mix of his two uncles (one on each side) we know what we are dealing with.

The children’s centres run by local authorities can be good. Mine is great there are loads of classes on parenting and nutrition, classes for babies (nursery rhymes and messy play etc), breastfeeding support, a swap shop, recipe sheets, you name it.

@vincettenoir, yeah ours was good until the bastard council pulled all the funding.

We did an NCT course which was good to learn and make friends, and to give DH more information as he was clueless. A really nice HCA in the hospital helped us with the first nappy changes and DS' first bath (he was born with lots of hair and it was disgusting after birth). I've read a couple since DS turned 2 (potty training and behaviour ones) but mostly just winging it.

From my mum

Following this thread with interest as I'm expecting my first and don't have any experience with babies or any family nearby.

I'm counting on my husband's experience (he has a daughter from a previous relationship) and all the NHS advice I can get.

I haven't read any parenting books yet but am open to it, in particular any advice on raising a bilingual child.

Next week I'll be going to an infant feeding workshop. I've also done a baby resuscitation class (both NHS). Not sure there's much more I could do at this stage!