AIBU? I don't want her kissing my baby

[kithop]

I took my 6 month old DS for his first swimming lesson recently. It was a largely positive experience except at one point the teacher surprised me be sweeping DS away for lots of kisses all over his face. She did it with some of the other babies in the class too. Nobody said anything.

Until that point he'd basically only been kissed by me (his mum). DH isn't much of a kisser, and we've managed to protect DS from kisses from others due to the risk of cold sore virus, RSV, etc. Now his swimming teacher, who we barely know, has kissed him more than his dad and his grandparents!

I want to continue to taking him swimming, but don't want this to happen again. I'm thinking of trying to transfer to a different (less convenient) class with another teacher. What do I do?

Why don't you just speak to her?

@GiveHerHellFromUs I agree this seems sensible, but I felt so overwhelmed in the recent class that I failed to say anything. It would have been in front of everyone in the pool. I did stay for a while afterwards, hoping for a quiet moment, but people from the next class were already arriving. I can try to find a moment at the beginning of the next class. I'm not sure exactly what to say... and I'm worried she'll take it badly when I need to trust her to look after my baby in the water...

It’s very odd behaviour. I do think you should raise it with her, perhaps after the lesson? Just something like “Hi, it’s really lovely that you’re obviously passionate about your job with the babies but I’d prefer it if you didn’t kiss DS. I hope you understand”. You don’t need to give your reasons. If you don’t feel comfortable raising it with her could you raise it with a receptionist or other member of staff? Not in a “I’m telling on her way” but in a “Can someone please ask her not to do this as it’s inappropriate / weird behaviour or to at least ask first”. I worked in a pool for years and was always keen on a soggy baby cuddle but certainly not without asking and wouldn’t dream of kissing a (essentially strangers) baby!

Just say can you have a word at the beginning of next class and say 'last week it made me feel uncomfortable when you kissed DS so could you please not do it again'. She has to respect that.
There will be people who come alone and cal you precious or PFB... (only on mumsnet!)
I wouldn't want anyone kissing my DS either it's weird! And gross!

Call*

I wouldn’t necessarily be concerned about him catching anything but I would be a shocked that the teacher is kissing all the babies as it seems unusual and a bit inappropriate although most perfectly innocent.

You either need to speak to her or switch classes if you’re not happy.

It’s definitely a bit odd though.

@HaddawayAndShite I like your suggested wording, thanks. I prefer the idea of speaking directly to her in the first instance as it would feel unfair to do otherwise. I hope I pluck up the courage, and that she's okay about it...

Am relieved you agree it's weird/odd @PixieDustt @ChickLitLover

I would hate this it’s so inappropriate but I also struggle to stand up for myself in situations like this. Tbh I’d probably complain behind her back and try and swap classes. It just seems odd to me , I’ve worked with children and babies and wouldn’t dream of kissing them, she’s obv dbs checked and she should know it’s not allowed?! Could you tell if any of the other parents found it weird?

You just need to tell her and not make it a bigger deal then it needs to be.
She will probably be horrified that she's upset a parent and would rather be told I'm sure.

Thank you so much. Your replies have given me confidence my reaction is normal. I will try to raise it with her before the next class.

and I'm worried she'll take it badly when I need to trust her to look after my baby in the water...

I was about to say yanbu when I saw that.

What the hell is wrong with you?!

You think she will flaunt safety rules and put a baby at risk but the mother is a pain in the arse?

Now I've heard everything

News flash no one gives a toss about your baby or you enough to risk a prison sentence or being banned from working with children

When she starts kissing him just say it then.. oh please dont kiss him and take him off her

Next class, hold onto your baby until you have had a chance to ask her not to kiss him. If you don’t get a chance at the start of the class then at the time she comes to take him. Also you may prefer switching to the kind of class where the instructor doesn’t take the babies at all and they stay with you the whole class.

I wouldn’t have liked that either OP, I am sure it’s innocent, but I agree odd behaviour, did the other parents not say anything about it?

I don't think it's odd because babies are so scrumptious but I don't think she should be doing it. Just tell her no kissing and be thankful for the chlorinated water.

This isn’t okay, YANBU. I would complain. Just because it’s a baby why would it be acceptable?

@Surfer25 I'm glad you don't think it will put my baby at risk. I'm a first time mum taking my baby swimming for the first time so admittedly probably overthinking things!

If you don’t want her, or anyone else for that matter, to kiss your baby then say so!
But the idea that she’ll be so mortally offended she won’t look after your dc in the water is bordering or paranoid.

@Lllot5 Thanks, I'm glad that's a paranoid perspective. I suppose as I found the kissing strange I thought her behaviour is generally unpredictable. But it would be an extreme leap to go from kissing a baby to endangering a baby in the water!

@Roselilly36 Nobody said anything!

That’s really weird and creeps me out. Why on earth would she do that? It’s grossly inappropriate.

I’m in two minds whether you should just speak to her or whether you should speak to someone higher (not as a complaint but to inform them and ask them to speak to her). I can’t for the life of me understand why she’d do this.

I think the other thing is that I want to establish a good precedent so he understands, once he is old enough, issues around self-determination and consent, and what is normal and appropriate. He shouldn't have to kiss anyone (including me) unless he wants to. He is in control of his own body.

I think the other thing is that I want to establish a good precedent so he understands, once he is old enough, issues around self-determination and consent, and what is normal and appropriate. He shouldn't have to kiss anyone (including me) unless he wants to. He is in control of his own body

He is 6 months old. Calm down.

If you dont want to her to do it. Tell her.

I find it weird that the babies own dad doesnt kiss him tbh.

@sendhelpppppp Okay, point taken! DH is really affectionate with him, just more of a cuddler than a kisser!