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Parenting

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Original poster

First day alone with toddler and newborn!

39 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/02/2020 14:43

Have got 2.5yr old DD and 4wk old DS. OH went back to work today after 2wks paternity and 2wks annual leave. Feeling like a rabbit in the headlights!
Had to take both kids to an appointment this morning and DD had her first super tantrum because I made her wear reins as she kept literally running off which is obviously dangerous and I can't chase her as easily now I have the cumbersome pram to manoeuvre too! Both crying/needing things at the same time, what I've found most difficult is DD refusing to listen to being told not to do things and almost delighting in doing whatever it is like its a game. I have found myself getting really cross with her and then feel horrible as she's only a baby herself. The only time she behaves at the moment is if she's watching something on the iPad (yes i know, judge away, this is genuinely a recent thing which started in the late stages of my pregnancy)
I want us to be out having fun but she keeps running off/not listening.
Any idea how to manage this? Threatening to go home doesnt work and putting backpack reins on just results in a meltdown.

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Original poster

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/02/2020 14:49

Sorry pressed post too quickly! I'm also still sore and bleeding, none of my clothes fit (regular clothes no way, maternity jeans literally falling down so getting irriated with having to keep hoisting them up, for fucks sake even my PANTS are either too big or too small)
Generally annoyed and want to enjoy it all more than i currently am. DD is due to start nursery soon a few mornings a week and as much as I know its what she needs and probably what I need as well, I feel sad about it as well, even more so because all I do is tell her off at the moment instead of treasuring her. Every night I put her to bed vowing to treasure her more and every day it's the same nonsense and I get cross again.

OP posts:

Her0utdoors · 26/02/2020 14:59

Oh mate, solidarity. Some days with 2 small children are unspeakably tough. I'm sure women will be a long with some practical suggestions, but for now, I hear ya!

xQueenMabx · 26/02/2020 15:04

Same here, 4 week old baby and 2.5 year old girl. The only way I can manage both of them is with baby in a sling so I can hold toddlers hand. We bought a buggy board and have practiced with it on my partners days off, she seems to like riding on it so that's going to be my next move I think. Good luck!

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Original poster

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/02/2020 15:16

We bought a buggy board too and she refuses to bloody well stand on it!
If the running off trend continues I might have to buy a sling and put her in the pushchair?
Thanks for your replies x

OP posts:

RibenaMonsoon · 26/02/2020 15:46

Would a double buggy work? I use a buggy board and DS loves it. Could you tie her reins to the buggy so that she has to stay on the buggy board?
DS is getting better with DD (now 8 months) but when he has a tantrum or acts up I take away a privilege. Screen time, weekend sweets, generally something we are doing soon or at that moment that he loves doing I'll take away. You have to follow through though, every time. Otherwise if you give in once, they will know you aren't always serious and carry on regardless.

Original poster

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/02/2020 16:38

I would love a double buggy but annoyingly the boot of our car isn't big enough!

OP posts:

Settlersofcatan · 26/02/2020 16:43

I really recommend sling plus buggy for toddler. It helps so much to be able to strap in the toddler.

TokyoSushi · 26/02/2020 16:48

Can you look again at all different styles of double buggy, one where it's like a single but you have a really small seat that goes at the back for one of them? I had an iCandy Peach but it's a long time ago now!

I have a 22-month-old and a newborn, The buggy was amazing as a 'trapping device' strap the little buggers both in there and walk - saved my sanity many a day!

Good luck, this too shall pass!

TokyoSushi · 26/02/2020 16:49

**Had - they're 6 & 8 now but I remember it well!

RibenaMonsoon · 26/02/2020 16:49

If you do go down the buggy route for toddler, watch for them trying to undo the clasp. DS mastered the art of escaping his.

NerrSnerr · 26/02/2020 16:53

I remember it well! It does get better. We used a buggy board for our oldest but she didn't really get the hang of it until she was 3. We used a sling a lot for the baby so I could have both hands for the eldest. They're now 5 and 2.5 and I can't believe my youngest is the same age as she was when he was born as he still seems like a baby to me!!

Sally7645 · 26/02/2020 16:54

Following as I am pregnant and due late August with my 2nd, when my daughter will be just 2.... already concerned 😂

Lovelymonkeyninetynine · 26/02/2020 16:55

I remember those days well, at times I felt so so overwhelmed and as though I was failing both kids, mine were the same ages as yours.

be nice to yourself: don't catalogue yourself 'failings' as you're trying your best. Look after yourself and body as much as possible, be gentle. Have tea and cake when you can.
rope in any help you can- we didn't have any family but often spent time at friends houses where toddler could run about and I could flip with the baby
yes to sling and stroller for toddler. You can strap her in when you need to, try to 'save' treats or snacks for these times
special time with toddler whenever possible and giving her as much choice as possible. I also spoke to toddler, said that it must be hard with baby there. They do feel a bit pushed out and it helps if you empathise with this.
soft play/parks lots, this will help give your toddler some freedom
again: be kind. You are doing great. I used to shout at toddler then feel guilty as they both cried but looking back I did my best and love them both loads. For what it's worth, age gap is fab now, they are best friends. Do not beat yourself up xxx

tobee · 26/02/2020 16:57

If you're toddler is a buggy Houdini you can do what I did and used the reins as a double strap!

It's hard but you'll slot into your new routines without realising and soon be a master!

Congratulations btw!

ballsdeep · 26/02/2020 16:58

I sympathise with you! I have a 3 week old and last week was half term with a very head strong 3 year old and 8 year old!! It was my ohs first week back too!!

notmyhusbandsproperty · 26/02/2020 16:59

Buggy board was a godsend for us. I feel your pain, this was my two a few years back. It will pass. There have been big changes recently and it will take time for your DD to adjust. As well as it being the terrible 2's. As for the iPad, who cares- she will be fine with it and if it makes your life easier for the time being then sod it!!!

BrigidSt · 26/02/2020 17:01

Definitely put your toddler in the pushchair and sling baby to get places and get jobs done safely and in reasonable time while you're still recovering, its still so early on. Double buggy one behing the other as said, great idea if you can afford a new one or look second hand. Not every trip out has to be a walk for your toddler, go easy on yourself.

KellyHall · 26/02/2020 17:02

When my dd was 2.5, I felt like I was telling her off constantly and she's an only child!

Reduce the things you do that restrict your oldest. Give dd as much freedom as possible.

Shop online, drive to the park/toddler groups/etc. And I've started bribing my 3 year old - a chocolate button to leave the library without screaming the place down seems like a good deal to me!

wishfull888 · 26/02/2020 17:05

I was where you are 8 weeks ago. I felt sick each time I had them both on my own. It does get easier or, you become numb to the stress ?! We were toilet training too and dealing with poos in knickers in soft play spaces whilst a newborn screamed for milk was honestly, horrific. And don't get me started on dual bath times done alone
Now eldest is almost 3 and baby 3m and I feel I can handle it. How??
Used a sling library to find one that I liked (£10 a month) , got a buggy board , filled my change rucksack with toddler bribes & made sure we had a magestic wine subscription on the go for evenings
I do think toddler behaviour slides a lot as a reaction to baby & this is often not right away but after the paternity ends when the novelty is wearing thin. Try to tell yourself everything is a phase and they love you regardless, you are doing your best shouty or not !
Good Luck !!!

okiedokieme · 26/02/2020 17:07

Hang in there, just give yourself too high expectations. My h went back after 3 days, you just make it work I suppose.

twinckletwinck · 26/02/2020 17:07

I found being out and about walking with them at that age really hard. Tbh until the oldest was 3 I would avoid doing it on my own for fear he would bolt!

If you drive, I would go to toddler groups with both. I would go 3 times a week and loved that he couldn't just run off and we were doing activities for him

It is very hard the first while with 2 such young children but you will find your feet, especially as the baby gets into a routine and you can plan around it

Xxx

okiedokieme · 26/02/2020 17:08

I bought a double buggy by 4 weeks, saved my sanity

inwood · 26/02/2020 17:15

Double buggy. My fiend had a Toyota Yaris and managed a bugaboo donkey in that. What car do you have?

Caterina99 · 26/02/2020 20:34

My eldest was a runner. Double buggy was a life saver! Also sling for the baby and buggy for the toddler was a good combo for the park etc when I needed both hands for the older one.

Otherwise, yes the iPad saved me. Sometimes you’ve just got to keep them in one place and that always worked. 4 weeks in was a total blur still. Just do what you’ve got to do to survive. I think 3 months approximately was when I started to feel like I had a grip on life again lol

They’re 2 and 4.5 now and it’s crazy in a different way, but so much easier than newborn and toddler

Merename · 26/02/2020 20:39

Oh the terror I felt on first day alone with them both, and even worse, the first time I had to put them both to bed!! Older child is going through all kinds of emotions and expressing it in their behaviour. Mum knackered and winging it, and newborn plonked in the mix and you worry about how much they have to wait and cry while you deal with the big one, you would never have left your first like that.

Basically it’s total survival for the first few months and you gradually build up knowledge of what works. For a while at that stage I just didn’t go to cafes as my older would run away when she knew I was incapacitated feeding or changing the baby. Solidarity- you will get there. And eat cake x

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