First day alone with toddler and newborn!

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

Have got 2.5yr old DD and 4wk old DS. OH went back to work today after 2wks paternity and 2wks annual leave. Feeling like a rabbit in the headlights!
Had to take both kids to an appointment this morning and DD had her first super tantrum because I made her wear reins as she kept literally running off which is obviously dangerous and I can't chase her as easily now I have the cumbersome pram to manoeuvre too! Both crying/needing things at the same time, what I've found most difficult is DD refusing to listen to being told not to do things and almost delighting in doing whatever it is like its a game. I have found myself getting really cross with her and then feel horrible as she's only a baby herself. The only time she behaves at the moment is if she's watching something on the iPad (yes i know, judge away, this is genuinely a recent thing which started in the late stages of my pregnancy)
I want us to be out having fun but she keeps running off/not listening.
Any idea how to manage this? Threatening to go home doesnt work and putting backpack reins on just results in a meltdown.

We have a a fiesta but honestly our curent pram only just fits in (after we've taken the wgeels off too!) It's a really tiny boot.

Thanks so much for all your replies, I'm so glad it's not just me feeling/who felt a bit stunned!
What do I do re toddler refusing to listen?! And how do I stop getting so cross with her?! I'm worried shes going to think I hate her the amount I am having to tell her off at the moment.

Double buggy all the way. I am in the midst of it all and I could not have coped without.... Its a lifesaver and got me back to being as mobile as i was before dc2. Buggy board is not to be relied upon for us, as dc1 will randomly decide to lie down on pavement in protest or run in opposite direction to me. Even if he's being good, which he is most of the time, it still takes an age to get anywhere if he is walking and examining everything as he goes.

On a more general note, it will get much better I promise

It’s a tough time. Honestly it is just survival mode. Lots of praise for toddler. Try and involve them in baby care, so give them jobs like get nappies or toys or whatever for the baby. Explain what you’re doing. Maybe a doll of her own to copy you? Kind of “tell off” the baby too, - silly baby crying while we were playing etc. use feeding time to read a book with them. Baby nap time to do a puzzle or something more involved. Get out every day so toddler is appropriately stimulated and more tired (ie less likely to draw all over your walls). Lots of tv lol

I found it easier to basically deal with the toddler first. You feel bad about the baby crying for a feed, but it’s def easier to make the toddler a snack and shove on the tv, rather than have a misbehaving toddler while you’re feeding baby. Easy meals for toddler and you and DH can sort out evening meals and housework for now. I considered it a good day if I managed to unload the dishwasher at that stage

Nursery should help! Good luck

“Telling off” the baby is great advice - we found this really helpful with older one. ‘No baby, you’ll have to wait a bit, it’s DC1’s turn for a cuddle’. DC1 really loved it. I think empathy helps reduce the anger - her world has been turned upside down and she is showing her distress in her behaviour. Keep reflecting on this. It’s so hard tho. I also changed what I did and stopped doing activities I knew DD1 couldn’t handle for a while, til everything settled down a bit. It does affect the relationship with the first in unexpected ways, but you get back on track.

Double buggy. My eldest likes to bolt in to the road so had to be strapped down. We also had to plan and adapt our days. So toddler group two mornings where I knew I could park and get them in safely. Park trips meant strapping him in across the car park until he was safe to run feral. Feeding newborn happened when he was running round a confined park. In the house somewhere safe to put newborn down in each room. Means that hands are free when toddler does something dangerous or naughty. Including bathroom so that you know newborn isn't getting prodded excessively by sibling. Good luck!

Oh god, I could have written your post myself. I'm a couple of months further along but it is sooo hard. Toddler behaviour, body/clothes issues still occurring. Feels like I am wading through treacle. I try to get out most days but we don't have a car and live quite rurally so easier said than done especially in bad weather. I use tv and iPad more than I would like. I sincerely hope things get easier but I am already worrying about summer!

Have you tried a reward chart? If she walks nicely she gets a sticker etc.

I remember my DN had the back pack reins and we used to encourage him to pick something up really special he found on our walk to show his DM when she got back from work. Sometimes it was a rock, Daisy it was cute and helped him and in the end he liked putting on his 'big boy bag'

Oh wow it's good reading some of these comments. I'll have a 15mo and a newborn in summer and I'm slightly nervous to say the least!

Can you get the toddler to help with the baby? Obviously not real help but make them feel grown up and like it’s their baby so the attention is on them while your dealing with baby. Things like can you get me a nappy and help me change the baby, pass u wipes etc, maybe if they feel the baby is a good thing not stealing your attention they might not act up as much. My 16month helps me in this way and she doesn’t see him as something coming between us and more something we do together. It will get easier honestly the first weeks are the hardest x

Mine was 21 months old when number 2 arrived, now 6 months in. I’d say the first 10 weeks were toughest whilst we all found our feet. I also felt like I was always saying ‘no’ or telling him off so started saying ‘mummy would like you to do X please’ instead of just no no no!
Also a feeding box: put in some toys they only get when you’re feeding baby/ need to do something for baby which you can help them do with verbal instructions eg jigsaw, aqua doodle. My son also chose a toy baby which he called the same as our second child and took around for about 10 weeks. Stickers for listening well are also a hit with mine
I promise it gets better and easier! Keep going, you’ve got this!

Oh I have so much sympathy as I’ve been there!

I haven’t read the full thread yet but a carrier / sling for the baby, and keep the toddler in a buggy if that’s possible? (Since she keeps running off.)

You could also do a double buggy, but they’re massive and annoying and I found the carrier for the baby, buggy for the toddler thing easier (I did both at different points).

And then I survived it by going to a whole load of toddler activities where she’d be completely entertained (rhyme time, etc etc) and I could feed the baby.

Are there any kid cafes near you? I went to the two near me for lunch with them both a lot! Saved me the hassle of cooking and cleaning, and toddler was having fun!

Good luck!

Help needed! I currently have a 4 wk old and a 2.5 year old! Toddler needs at least 10 mins rocking to go down for her nap but 4 wk old refuses to be put down and screams hysterically in swing/chair pram/playmat. Toddler still needs her nap however i am at my absolute witts end with it all and im really feeling like i regret having my son. Any advice welcome x

So glad I found this thread. Thank you all for the tips. I’m dreading my first day alone with 2 year old and newborn, even an hour alone gives me stress.