I need advice 😭

[Oceanrae]

Hi everyone , bit weird this thread but I need advice!

So I go pick my daughter up from nursery today and the teacher pulls me over and asks me if everything is ok at home? I say well yes why wouldn’t it be she said your daughter told me that your not feeling well and daddy took your phone ? , I new instantly what she Ment my partner took my mobile to get fixed because i couldn’t as I had a migraine and was throwing up! , but my daughter is very naughty and I do tell her off and I do send her to the naughty step and if shes been really bad I do tap her bum ( not smack) TAP, but she is a very smart girl she likes to role play and make story’s so she will come out with anything , I’m really glad that the nursery are doing things like this incase of if things really happen! But in my sense that’s not the case at all and now I’m really worried there going to try make something out WHATS not a bad thing? Also if she tells them I’ve shouted at her or tapped her bum there defiantly going to think something arnt they? I’m so worried I’m genuine just trying to parent and parents do get stressed and shout! Especially when your child hits smacks and point blank refuses to behave 😭 I have anxiety so I worry about everything. Please don’t judge and certainly don’t take anything I said into a bad way and mix things as it’s not needed.

How old is daughter?

What positive things do you do to role model behaviour etc? What do you expect her to learn from 'tapping her bum' except that hitting is ok? It's all negative in your post.

And to be fair, there is nothing untrue in what your daughter said.

I know what your saying , I understand fully but your negative comments are not wanted.

And by shout I ment raise my voice a little not scream or anything!

I'm not sure what you're asking... You're worried your daughter will tell the nursery you shout and smack/tap her?

Is your daughter poorly behaved at nursery? What do the staff say?

I think Harrysmum was saying that what your DD said was true, you were sick and your DP did take your phone, she hasn’t made anything up to make you look bad or get you into trouble. The nursery were just sounding out the background with you to ensure you’re ok, presumably you explained and that’s that.
You do sound quite negative about your daughter in your post.

Your post seems a little confused. Are you worried about what she's told the nursery or what she might tell the nursery?

I'm afraid the best way to make sure the nursery dont hear about the "tapping" is to stop doing it?

Any violence towards a child even if it's a 'tap' is unacceptable. As tough as it is sometimes lead by example. You wouldn't want her 'tapping' other children

OP, please consider not tapping your daughter. There are so many other things you can try instead. Surely the fact that you're worrying about it means you know on some level it's wrong?

Op - I know what you mean.
A friend of mine had her duaghter tell nursery that daddy was naughty in her bed at bedtime

her 3 year old has a toddler bed, and they have a rule that mum and dad don't lie on it, as it will break. Dd wanted a story, and dad lay down on the bed, read the story and then went downstairs. Dd was shocked at the time daddy you can't lie on my bed that's naughty! and then told nursery.

That took some unpicking.
It happens, nursery will ask, they may well ask kid too to check.

dd once went into school with a large bruise and a highly dramatic story about her brother pushing her down the stairs. In reality they had squabbled and he had given her a shove. She was at the top of the stairs and did fall down banging her head. But it wasn't nearly as dramatic as her version.

and we have all shouted, don't worry.

Well your daughter said the truth, you were poorly and he did take your phone. It's normal to check in case you were seriously ill and needing support or in a DV situation.

However you don't seem to bothered about this incident, and more worried about a future one where they'll ask about the way you discipline your daughter if she says anything. Don't tap her bum anymore, it's obviously not working and making you worried . So just stop.

I’d just stop the tapping. It won’t sound good if your daughter tells the nursery staff.

I wouldn't worry, they just have to check as it sounds like your daughter has said something concerning.

The nursery staff are probably used to kids coming out with things, they just need to check.

It's your decision how you want to discipline your child, as long as it's not abusive. If she tells the nursery that you smack her, that's up to you to explain how you discipline her. I wouldn't bring it up unless they raise it with you.

I wouldn't worry, they're just checking up in case there was any concerning situations happening at home (domestic violence etc)

Your child has done nothing wrong, what are you punishing her for?

So you’re worried your daughter is going to tell them you shout and smack her? Hadn’t that occurred to you before they spoke to you today? Children talk about their lives, it’s completely normal.

Agree nothng to punish your daughter. A nursery school child is hardly going to be crafty and worldy wise even if they look and sound it occasionaly!

The nursery staff will think no more of it. They have to ask questions sometimes but your answer was truthful and easy to understand. Try and forget it.

Your daughter isn't "naughty", she's a small child. However you want to spin it, you are hitting your child. All you are teaching her is if you get upset, you hit the person upsetting you. Stop it.

@elbeagle , I don’t smack and shout at her thank you I raise my voice and yes I have tapped her bum not anything that would make her cry but I do not do all the time I normally do the step for 2 minutes and a conversation with her so please before you judge DONT think I do anything that would make her cry! , and @bloodywhitecat I’m not sure you read it properly I’m not punishing her for absolutely anything? That isn’t in my post one bit ?

Just saw your child smacks... where do you think she might have learned that that’s acceptable behaviour?

Stop smacking your little girl op. Then you won't have anything to be worried about

Jesus christ. Lazy parenting!!!!!

So you don’t shout and smack, you raise your voice and ‘tap’? It’s just semantics.

Agree with others. If you don't want your daughter to tell nursery you hit her, then stop hitting her. Such lazy and counterproductive 'parenting'.

Don’t ‘tap’ your kid OP.

And it's baffling that you punish your child for smacking by... Smacking her

You do smack, you just choose to call it a tap just because it doesn’t make her cry (wtf) doesn’t mean it’s ok. If she told the nursery that you hit her then she wouldn’t be wrong. Please stop

And everyone sorry for the confusing , I am not worried what she will tell nursery as the tapping is not a regular thing and the last time it happend was over 2 months ago we have resorted into step time for 2 minutes with a conversation after the time is up next if that doesn’t work is we take something she likes till she shows us she’s better behaved , I was worried about why the nursery teacher asked me that incase they thought anything of it as it was genuine and it was just really random for her to say it?