Mother in law issues

[Mamaofbabyboy19]

So before I start I’m very new to all of this but I really need some advice..

So I had my first baby, March 2019 with my husband of 3 years and life is brilliant not perfect but brilliant. We live with my husbands parents which again at the start before we had baby was amazing, until about 6 months ago, I’ve noticed our son used to be very laid back like I could leave him in his play pen for a couple of minutes to do dishes or bottles or go put some clothes away but recently he’s been crying to be picked up, so I politely told everyone in the house when he cry’s unless it’s for a bottle or food or whatever you no just leave him as I no nothings wrong but as soon as he cries for ANYTHING she runs to pick him up and I have to tell her to put him down as nicely as possible (I have so much respect for this women as my mother in law, my husbands mother and my sons nanny). But now it’s come to the point I have to keep our son in our bedroom through the day as when I’m doing my odd jobs she is constantly around him picking him up.. now I probably sound so nasty but this is every mintue of every day not even exaggerating here either.. and I’m just thinking to myself if I allow this to happen when we move out (which is very soon) he’s going to have my life where I can’t leave him to go do something for a couple of minutes because he wants picked up...

And just to add when I’ve addressed this issue with her, told her not to pick him up for a few day so he knows he can’t be picked up when cries she just sees it that I’m being horrible and I’m her world a b**ch but I’m really not and it’s putting massive stains on my relationship with her and also my marriage because my husband constantly has her back and sees it as I’m just being nasty towards her but I’m generally not!! I need serious help ASAP! 😭😭😭 thanks in advance, sorry for long post and lack of grammar lol

Im sorry, your baby isn't even one yet, why on earth do you want to leave him to cry by himself? He can't speak, crying is how he communicates - please don't ignore him! Just because he isn't wet or hungry doesn't mean nothing is wrong, he's trying to tell you he needs you. Don't let him learn he can't rely on you to be there for him, please.

same as above your being very unreasonable to leave the poor baby

Um I'm with pp. Pick up your child when he cries. They only self settle so young as they give up on comfort coming, not because they dont need it.

I know it must be difficult and I totally get where your coming from. I have my daughter who is also 6months and I'm the same I don't want her to be picked up all the time as she will get used to it.

Have you spoke to your husband about it and explained how You feel?

Also maybe speak to your mother in law and just explain how if your baby is constantly being picked up it's only going to make it harder for you in the future. An also mention you don't mind him being picked up if he's genuinley crying for something but not when he's just winjing.

Hope it all works out for you as I can imagine it's draining for you. Lots of love

If course you may need to leave baby to cry at 6 months toilet/quickly eat something but at that age it should really be a last resort. Not to teach a lesson. (I did controlled crying to help mine sleep but was last resort, older than 12 months and because we desperately needed sleep. Not to teach baby not to cry)

OP isn’t asking for your opinions on crying/being picked up. #unsolicitedadvice

You won’t be there too much longer OP so it won’t be an issue and your baby will soon adapt to his new surroundings.

@elenacampa to rephrase my unsolicited advice #rude

I can understand why MIL struggles to ignore the baby, it is really difficult. As you are moving out soon I would cut her some slack. I wouldn't walk past a crying baby in my house either. Luckily you are moving out soon.

He only coming up to a year old, why can’t your mother in law entertain him while you do your chores rather than him be in a play pen or stuck in your bedroom?

Your son will adapt when you move but honestly I would take advantage of other adults in the house helping. Perhaps your mil is trying to help you by wanting to comfort him while you are busy.

It is normal to want to pick up a crying baby.

I don’t leave him to cry what I meant to say is like he makes a noise like babble or like a moan then 2 seconds later she’s picking him up if he was crying bad obviously I would go to him but it’s like a cry for attention kinda cry if you look at him from a distance he starts laughing so I no it sounds bad on here but it isn’t that kind of a cry! I’m not a bad mum I’m the best mum I can physically be to my son.. as soon as he like cries/ makes a noise she’s picking him up and he starts laughing because he knows I no my son, sometimes before she’s even picked him up and she goes towards him or I do he starts laughing! Trust me I no it sounds bad but it’s really not!

It has came across so bad but it isn’t that kind of cry believe me... when I say she’s picking him up I mean it’s like 20 times a day for anything he sits playing on the floor with his toys happy as can be and she comes over and just picks him up for no reason puts him back down and then he starts crying!

I wouldn’t worry too much. At his age he’ll already be figuring out who is a soft touch and who is not. He’ll learn very young that he can fake whine for attention from his grandmother but that he may as well just get on and play if she’s not around. I don’t think it should make things any more difficult for you when you move out.

However, in my experience most kids aren’t that happy contained in a playpen particularly as they get older and become more inquisitive so it may be that the playpen days are naturally coming to an end soon for you anyway!

@Sally872

I wasn’t referring to your unsolicited advice tbh. I think it’s rude when someone starts lecturing someone else on how to raise their child personally.

He’s never really in his play pen only if I have to pop out of the room for something so I no he’s safe

Well this post hasn’t really helped tbh, just a load of none helpful advise and people thinking I leave my child to just cry! Thanks ladies 👍🏽

I find it weird that parents somehow think babies less than a year old are crying to manipulate the adults in the house into giving them attention!
Perhaps do some reading on developmental biology and attachment before you start training your tiny babies into learned helplessness...

Your original post was unclear, which is why advice has went down the wrong track, try not to take it personally.

I still think as you are leaving soon let it go. Maybe mil just likes picking him up? I would leave her to it. And when you have moved there will be lots of changes, and once he is mobile or at next stage things will change again and you can try and ensure he isnt getting picked up more than you would like then.

Save the battles will grandparents for the bigger issues. I put my child on naughty step as a toddler and my father couldn't stand to see little one in trouble so would go stand beside her. At the time I was furious now I think it is hilarious and cute 70 year old and 3 year old united at the naughty step. Grandparents in my very fortunate experience give too many biscuits, too many toys but also endless patience and listening. When they see grandchild that is priority/highlight. Where as parents have the day to day stuff to get done too so cant be constant fun.

I think you need to look at what battles are important and I really don’t think this is one. If someone wants to comfort your baby so you can get on with things, I’d try to see that as a positive. Otherwise, the way to deal with it is to move out and potentially risk an upset with your in-laws and DH.

Jesus I was about to pull up a chair and have a bitch about Mils but on this occasion I think it’s you that’s being unreasonable.

You can not spoil babies. He wants to get out because he misses you at that age he doesn’t know you want to wash the pots. That’s what babies do - want their mum. Let his nanny cuddle him if she wants and don’t keep him away from every one.

There is nothing bad about a baby having a cuddle from its grandmother who loves him. Babies are designed to be carried. They love it, they learn lots of things while watching, they feel safe and secure. When you move out then yes, you might have to carry your baby around a lot. That is one of the compromises you make when you become a parent. If a baby is ‘just crying for attention’ then give the baby attention.

OP don't stress, sometimes babies have to cry. I have 4 kids, one was a crier and I could never have done anything if I hadn't put him down occasionally, might not be ideal but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

Re MIL it is hard, I have always tried my best not to interfere with GC, their parents bring them up not me but on the other hand if they are staying with me, say if parents are away at a wedding, then I make it clear I'm happy to help, love having them but granny's house granny's rules. The parents are all happy with that, obviously they trust me not to let them have a bar of chocolate for breakfast or a nip of whisky in their bottle (was my mother's favourite trick if not watched like a hawk). In your case it is a bit awkward as you are all living together. If I've got baby GC here I can't bear them crying, I could with my own but somehow it is harder with GC.

If you were going to be living with them permanently I'd say you need to sort it out but if you are moving out soon I think I'd try to ignore it. It isn't easy sharing a house.

It is hard work when you need to get jobs done and the baby wants to be cuddled and held. However, he will only be little for such a short period of time and I don’t think I appreciated that with my first. My second is much more needy and wants holding all the time and when he sleeps... but it’s because Ive always cuddled and rocked him since he was born. Your mil just wants to cuddle him, love him and make the most of the time she has him under the same roof. As much as you think it’s making your life difficult now, your baby will get used to his new normal when you move. He’s babbling or doing his attention cry as he wants you to talk to him and entertain him - it’s his only way of getting anyone’s attention. If he was 2, he’d follow you around and talk to you and ask for you to play or read with him. Please don’t tell your mil to not engage with your baby as it’s good for his development and it also means you can get your jobs done without rushing. With baby number 2, I’ve been much more relaxed about keeping the house looking good. As I said before, they’re little for such a short period. I miss cuddling my first to sleep so I’m making the most of it (despite my grandmother constantly telling me that I’m creating a rod for my own back).

You live in her house....with her grandchild and want her to ignore him because u dont want the baby to learn to be manipulative. He is a baby he cant be manipulative. He cant get too much attention. Relax. Let her pick him up. You are picking the wrong battles. Enjoy him. Enjoy her enjoying him. This should not be an issue.
When u move out and he gets less attension and he will still thrive. And there maybe times u need to leave him to cry to get a bottle or whatever like pp send as a last resort. Just now he is lucky and in an adult rich environment. It will do him no harm to be picked up by gran. He is only little once. Dont let this come between u all. Its not a big deal.

Okay okay okay I here you all.. bloody hell!