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Original poster

Partners parents want baby for the night

31 replies

Scores20 · 18/02/2020 22:39

When our child was newborn my mum helped me out a lot including nighttimes so on the odd occasion when I sleep at my parents I feel comfortable for my mum to watch our baby at night.

Our child is only a few months old and my partners parents who live quite far away have asked to have our child for the night...But I just don’t feel ready for that to happen.

Am i being unreasonable? And At what age did you feel comfortable with other people looking after your little ones overnight?

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OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 18/02/2020 22:44

You are your baby's advocate. You know whether they want a turn of the new toy. Many people would suggest that they build up very gradually to an overnight stay, and only when it suits you. If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't.

Gillian1980 · 18/02/2020 22:44

Our DD was 2 1/2 before she spent a night away from us, with grandma. Before that she’d only slept there with us there too.

Honestly, she would have struggled and been upset to be away from us before that and I would’ve missed her like mad.

DS is 9 months and we’ve the opportunity next month for a night away, with both DC staying with grandma but I’m not ready to be away from him yet. Dd will stay with grandma and ds will come with us.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong age,but you have to feel comfortable with it.

onetwothreeadventure · 18/02/2020 22:54

I barely leave the room when my inlaws are with my baby!

For me it depends on how well they know the baby and their routine. It would also depend on whether you/DH are going to be there and going out so they're just watching the baby while it sleeps.

Personally I'm only comfortable with my mum minding the baby for a proper overnight but I'd probably be OK with my inlaws minding the baby while it slept and I was out for dinner close by.

Either way, don't let yourself be pressurised into doing anything you are not 100% comfortable with.

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sausageandrashers · 18/02/2020 22:57

Yanbu. Please don't feel pressured by anyone to let your baby stay away overnight with anyone you're not completely comfortable with. Just tell them baby is too little yet.
I don't get why people think it's ok to ask for a baby to come stay overnight really. It's one thing to offer to give the parents a rest but another to request it. It's seems unnecessary. Surely they can get more out of spending time with your baby while they are all awake?
Anyways, just say no until you are comfortable otherwise you'll just spend the whole time fretting.
My smallest is 2 and as he still doesn't sleep through the night he's been nowhere without me to sleep. I figure it's no fun for anyone including him is he's staying elsewhere.

Friendsofmine · 18/02/2020 22:57

This is a very personal decision.

My friend at work has just had a night away for Valentine's and her in laws had their 12 week old baby and all was well!

Do what you feel comfortable with.

jackstini · 18/02/2020 23:16

It's up to you - you need to be ready and everyone is different

First time we both left dd was with my sister and she was just over 2 (we had both had multiple nights away individually, but one of us was always with her)

Similar with ds

glitterbiscuits · 18/02/2020 23:24

No, no, no.

ParkheadParadise · 18/02/2020 23:25

Dd was 3 weeks when my sister had her overnight.

She stayed overnight with in-laws once a week from 1.

Dd is more than happy to stay with my family. I've never had a problem leaving her.

It's a personal decision.

PiafPilaf · 18/02/2020 23:27

Your baby, your rules. DD stays overnight with all her GPs but it didn’t happen until we were ready and happy about it. Not their right to request it - it’s entirely up to you!

Elieza · 18/02/2020 23:30

Where are they planning to stay overnight with baby? If they live far away are you expected to take the baby up there, drop off and return miles home only to repeat the journey there and back again the following day?

Sounds stressful. It’s one thing letting them have dc during the day for a few hours while you are at the hairdresser or shops or something, quite another being far away not knowing if dc is upset and crying for you.

Would be better to do day visits if they can stay locally, building up to more later.

Megan2018 · 18/02/2020 23:30

No one needs to have someone else’s baby for the night. It’s weird. If you need a babysitter then that’s different, otherwise its batshit.

I won’t be leaving mine with anyone until she is no longer a baby. She is 5 months old and we bed share and EBF which helps, but its just never something my family or DH’s would ask.

Esspee · 18/02/2020 23:30

I have never understood why relatives want to keep a baby overnight. Once a child has developed a relationship and asks to sleep over fine.

BlueBolts · 18/02/2020 23:31

Why would they actually want to look after a baby overnight? Could understand it if you were out for the night and it was a favour. Babies aren't that interesting overnight. I don't get it. Just do what feels right for you and your child. Completely your decision. Don't feel obliged. They've had their dc. YANBU.

KellyHall · 18/02/2020 23:31

It depends on a lot of things:

do they know your dc's routine?
how does your dc behave around them, i.e. are they all relaxed and happy?
would you also be there for at least part of the time?

My dd spent a lot of time with my mum before she stayed over at my mum's with me, then eventually for a couple of nights without me when she was 1.5 years old.

My in-laws still haven't spent enough time with her for me to be confident all of dd's needs would be adequately met. She's nearly 3.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 18/02/2020 23:36

It is completely down to if you are happy and comfortable to do it! Don't feel pressure to do it, but equally, don't feel guilty if you are happy to do it when so many others aren't comfortable. Each child and parent is different, so it's always an individual thing.

My parents had ds over night when he was 2 months old, in laws haven't yet, he is 7 months, but I'd be happy for them to do so. Both have had him for the day too, approx 8 hours straight.

I believe that children should have early family socialisation (if its a thing)
DS has a huge circle of people that love him, are willing and trusted to have him if dh and I need them to.

wibdib · 18/02/2020 23:39

“Yes of course you can look after dc once we’re ready and sorted for overnights. Obviously theulyre still much too young at the moment and I don’t think any of us could handle it but let’s get a date in the diary - how about 3rd August 2044 - think we should be just about sorted by then...”

And no that’s not a typo - I did mean to put a date 22 years in the future. . If they push you on it - push the date out by another year. But just use it as a statement to enable you to say ‘yes’ to them without having to commit at the moment - much harder for them to argue with you when you are agreeing with them albeit with a difference of opinion on the date!. You can bring the date forward when it’s right for you...

Make sure dh is on board too and that he isn’t going to be talked into whisking you off for a night away while mil gets your dc ‘as a special surprise’ or similar - have seen that happen in the past too.

Howzaboutye · 18/02/2020 23:47

If you don't want to then say no.
And don't do it.
"No that doesn't work for us"

fastliving · 18/02/2020 23:47

I don't have children, but I know of none of my friends that do who would agree to this.
Your baby is not a toy.
Won't the baby be upset being away from you?
I don't really see the point unless it's you that wants/needs a break?

Hannah9176 · 18/02/2020 23:48

Definitely a personal decision and so many different deciding factors. 19 week old DD stayed overnight with my parents this weekend, however I wouldn't leave her alone with my FIL for an hour never mind a whole night.

partofthepeanutgallery · 19/02/2020 00:09

"Sorry, but that doesn't work for us."

A baby is a living being, and you are responsible for it. Don't feel bad about saying No.

SallySun123 · 19/02/2020 00:11

If you want to send your baby for a sleepover then no one’s judging you. If it’s a request from them and you don’t feel comfortable just say thank you for the kind offer and you’ll let them know when you and baby are ready. My baby had a sleepover with my mum (who stayed at our house in the spare room), but I would never let my in laws do the same. You being happy as a new mum trumps keeping the in laws happy.

JudyCoolibar · 19/02/2020 00:29

I never understand why so many grandparents are desperate to have babies overnight. So far as I'm concerned, I more than served my penance in terms of sleepless nights with the DC. Why would I want to volunteer for it again with their children, let alone insist on it?

stardust40 · 19/02/2020 00:40

My in-laws tried the same. They put so much pressure in that I just said no not until she's old enough to want to come herself. They didn't like it but I didn't feel happy so she didn't go! She's 16 now and never has stayed there as she never wanted too! She's stayed at my mums and my sisters as well as lots of friends and school holidays though! It's completely up to you... don't be pushed into something you don't feel comfortable with x

MickCarter · 19/02/2020 00:42

@JudyCoolibar I genuinely never understand when family (usually grandparents) want a tiny baby overnight. It’s either asleep - so what’s the point, or crying - so why would you want your sleep disturbed!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/02/2020 01:15

I couldn't agree more JudyCoolibar and MickCarter, I adore my grandson and DH is completely gaga about him, but having him overnight is a trial.

We've done it often because DD and her husband have week-end work commitments, but to be honest it's a nightmare and takes us days to recover!

I really would suspect the motives of grandparents desperate to do this.

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