Positive stories of Second child please :(

[Thewrongdirection]

Currently 30 weeks pregnant with DC2.
Very much wanted pregnancy, TTC for 15 months including a horrid miscarriage.
Over the moon when we found out I was finally pregnant but throughout my pregnancy all I have been told is negative stories about having a second child..my DC and I have a very close relationship, DH sadly isn't around very much due to work so it has always been DC and I for days / weeks on end at times. Many friends have had their second child before Us and honestly not a single one has anything positive to say - They seem insistent on telling Me how badly my relationship will suffer with DC1, how he will feel neglected most of the time... my heart is honestly breaking at the thought and now I'm terrified.
DC1 is a Boy and I'm also pregnant with another Boy, this seems to be the main factor as to why it's going to be so difficult!?
Does anyone have any positive stories for me please?

Following with interest as I'm also due DS2 soon and am very close to DS1
I feel sad that our relationship will change I'm currently lying in bed with him snuggling up together

In the nicest possible way your friends sound like the problem not second children. No one can tell you how you will feel but personally I've never come across anyone who feels like that. Dnt most people find that they love all their children the sane?

We went from 1 kid to 3 (twins). They’re all still really young.

After the initial storm of chaos, I can see now that our family is truly complete. We find like a little band of misfits. There’s so much nonsense and interaction between them. I love them all in different ways. I’m really glad we didn’t stop at 1 kid.

What rot!

I adored my precious first born and couldn't believe I would ever love another a child as much. When they put my second in my arms I looked at him and thought: "oh, it's you! I've been waiting for you and I didn't even realise." He filled a space in my heart and in our family I didn't know was there.

Yes there are hard moments - there's very little that's easy about having a toddler and a baby. But the kids are 8 and 5 now and DD and I are still just as close, as are DS and I, and DH and are I still happily married.

DH and I work as a team, and I think that is important - work together, help each other out, and try and remember they are not the enemy!

Enjoy your pregnancy.

I was really positive about having a second baby. Everyone told me it would be really hard.
So when I made the leap from one to two it was far more difficult than I anticipated. I was exhausted. A logistical nightmare getting anything done. The usual stuff.
However. Now they are small people they play together adorably and both sleep at night and it was the best thing I've ever done.
Tell your friends to piss off. Their experience is their own. Just be prepared to be more exhausted than you ever have been before!

What @CheesecakeFactory87 said.

I was so worried about how DS1 would cope when DS2 was born but they adore each other! Truly a second makes everything more special and magical, yes of course it's harder work in many ways but as your eldest gets older that gets easier too. They are now 4 & 2 and so sweet together. Don't worry! DS2 bought DS1 a playmobil kit when he arrived home to meet him from hospital - he really wanted that particular set - so they were off to a flying start! Xxx

I really struggled with DS1 but DS2 was a breeze. Turned out I had Post natal
Depression picked up by a lovely GP so antidepressants were the answer.

They are best of friends and worst of enemies. They wouldn't do without each other.

Having a second child is right up there in my top 3 best things I have done. We presented the new baby as a positive to dc1 from the start, saying things like you're going to have a baby sister rather than I'm having a baby. He was very involved in preparing for her and from the beginning was excited about her. They're teens now and close. He is still a mummy's boy but she's a daddy's girl so it all works out. It didn't harm my relationship with him in any way. They have been each others playmate growing up and I'm so glad we had a second.

OP ignore your friend and go into this with a big smile, and a positive attitude.

Congratulations and good luck!

Well I can categorically say that your friends are talking nonsense or are no good at parenting siblings.

Of course it’s hard at first. But worth it.

I have two boys. They are loud, boisterous and funny. But they adore each other, generally play alongside beach other nicely and enjoy each other's company. I don't recognize any of the negatives mentioned in your OP or in pp.

The age Gap plays a big factor how old is your eldest?

Also, I expected ds1 to have his nose put out a bit but I found I still did lots with him while tucking baby under my arm and getting on with it.

Some people will be negative about anything.

Our ds1 and ds2 love each other and ds2 completed our family. Having a second was one of our best decisions.

My DS1 is from A previous relationship so it was literally just him and me for years (4) before I met my now DH. We had DS2 and it was amazing. DS1 adores him and they have a fantastic relationship.

My relationship with DS1 hasn't suffered in anyway. I won't lie there are always hard days because your tired etc but you get through those.

Honestly I feel sorry for the poor children of your friends who feel that way about them

When first was born the new born bubble is all about the precious new arrival. For me when 2nd came along the priority was how is first born coping with new arrival. Visitors brought big sister a small gift as well as baby, me and dh showered her with attention too. She was excited with new arrival and now 5 years later they have a brilliant bond. All siblings I know are the same.

If anything it is the second who doesnt get the same attention/priority as the first initially, but new borns dont need much and by the time he was a little older the benefit of a sibling was much bigger than having to share parents.

It’s unfair of them to only comment on the challenges. I found the jump from 1-2 massively tricky but there are equal amount of joys that balance it.

My second is 2 months now. I have been through all the emotions. I had such a bond with my first.
But now baby smiles 😍😍😍😍 and it is all good. And my first says they love baby 💕
Is it hard? Yes. I am the most stressed I have ever been? Yes. But I love them both so much and I didn’t think I would.
I am also shockingly less tired!!

DD2 was the blessing we didn't know we needed. I couldn't imagine ever loving anyone as much as I love DD1... the second DD2 arrived I realised we had been missing her. There are nearly 7 years between our two but they are buddies nonetheless. It will be lovely:)

Two boys are great, ignore the fools who predict doom and gloom.

Two girls here.

It was fine! Made sure we all had one-one-one time even if it was just a few minutes for a cuddle. Also ensured I didn't adversely compare them to each other ad they grew up.

Despite my very many other failings the above worked and they have an excellent relationship with each other. They're young adults now and we all visit together and separately.

Congratulations on both your wee lads. It will be grand.

From a slightly different perspective -

I'm bloody lovely thanks! Sure I sometimes fought with my brother growing up, but we'd always defend each other to the bitter end. Teens were harder because I lost my playmate and didn't understand why. We don't see each other often now due to life, but we're always there for each other.

We thought DS1 would struggle. He was 3.5 when DS2 arrived, not just an only child but an only grandchild too.

DS2 is five months now and has slotted in perfectly. The first question DS1 asks every morning is whether his baby brother is awake and can he go and have cuddles. DS2's first ever smiles weren't for me, they were for his brother.

They are both besotted with each other. It is harder than one. Trying to juggle each of their needs and prioritise who needs what first is tough.

Similar to a PP we prepared DS1 by explaining that his baby sibling was coming - not mummy is having a baby. It was always his sibling and I think it helped.

Every experience is different but your friends are doing you a disservice by being so negative.

I've felt a bit like this, and downloaded Sarah Ockwell-Smith's Second Baby Book on Audible (got first download free with a one month trial- I'd probably not have paid £13 for the book) and found it really reassuring. She's a gentle parenting advocate but this doesn't come across too strongly in the book.

I've only got 1 but I'd like tc another within the next year or so. I also worry my first will be negatively affected so I'll be watching this thread!

I actually think it's all about we handle the toddler with a needy new baby,
Example
'Go and play while I feed the baby'
'Be quiet as the baby needs to sleep'

Instead things like,
' Are you coming to sit with mummy to feed the baby?'
'Do you want to help mummy feed the baby/ would you like a snack while I feed the baby?'

The first are almost pushing dc1 away (I totally get it's bloody easily done as it's such hard work with a second) whereas the latter are including dc1 if that makes sense.

I think you'll be ok op as you're so aware.

There is nothing more lovely than seeing your children be kind to one another Doesn’t happen all the time of course and yes sometimes they fight, but the love they have for one another is deep and special. I adore both my DC, they are so different in some ways and so similar in others. I can’t imagine my life without having them both in it.