Positive stories of Second child please :(

[Thewrongdirection]

Currently 30 weeks pregnant with DC2.
Very much wanted pregnancy, TTC for 15 months including a horrid miscarriage.
Over the moon when we found out I was finally pregnant but throughout my pregnancy all I have been told is negative stories about having a second child..my DC and I have a very close relationship, DH sadly isn't around very much due to work so it has always been DC and I for days / weeks on end at times. Many friends have had their second child before Us and honestly not a single one has anything positive to say - They seem insistent on telling Me how badly my relationship will suffer with DC1, how he will feel neglected most of the time... my heart is honestly breaking at the thought and now I'm terrified.
DC1 is a Boy and I'm also pregnant with another Boy, this seems to be the main factor as to why it's going to be so difficult!?
Does anyone have any positive stories for me please?

It's easy to panic when you love your baby so much and I think your worries are totally normal. I remember feeling the same when I was heavily pregnant with DS2 and then reading something about how having a second child isn't like having to cute a cake (your love) in half, it's more like getting a whole new cake!

Logistically having a newborn and a toddler is hard and the lack of sleep is hard but both my DC are wonderful and our relationships are wonderful and their relationship with each other is wonderful. Don't regret for a second. Honestly don't panic!

I must say my relationship with DD1 did suffer a tad in the start. DD1 is 7 and for all those years she had me to herself so adjusting to this tiny human who had my attention 24/7 was a little hard - especially as DD2 wanted breastfeeding CONSTANTLY.
Now DD2 is 5 months, its alot easier and they adore each other!
FWIW I'm now pg with DC3 so however hard it was at the start, didnt stop me from doing it again!

I’m 26 weeks with my second boy and I’m really looking forward to the challenge. I’m sure it’s going to be hard work, and I do worry about not having enough time for my ds1, but on the other hand, it will do him good to have to learn some patience etc as at the moment he has our undivided attention. I have a lovely bond with ds1 and I can’t imagine having the same with another baby but everyone always says that of course you will love them just as much.
Don’t listen to other people’s experiences. It’s not fair for them to just list the negatives. People aren’t silly, we know it’s going to be tough but it will also be the most rewarding thing in the world to see my 2 lovely children together.

Over the moon when we found out I was finally pregnant but throughout my pregnancy all I have been told is negative stories about having a second child

This seems like a very niche opinion to be honest. What size families do the people who make these comments have?

I don't have one sorry, mine was awful. Devil's spawn. My friend has not long had her second. He's as good as the first. Can't say I know anyone with a great second baby story 😂

Your friends opinions are a bit bizarre. Obviously it's more tiring looking after a baby and toddler compared to just one baby or just one toddler but that stage doesn't last forever and lots of other things in life are tiring. Billions of people have 2 or more DC, I'm sure some regret it but I don't actually know any that do. To me u cant imagine having an only child- my 2 although the argue can entertain each other for hours in an imaginative way that I never could. I can't imagine either of them without that

I found the whole experience of having a second child much easier than becoming a first time Mum. I was much, much more relaxed and felt more confident in myself.

I was lucky in some respects. My second birth was much easier and I felt on cloud nine afterwards, compared to a long traumatic first labour that left me exhausted and quite unwell. DC2 was also a great sleeper, which made everything much easier.

I was terrified that DC1 (who was 3) would be jealous, but he coped pretty well. And logistically it was only hard the first few times I went out on my own with them, but I got used to having two pretty quickly and within weeks it felt like I’d always had them both.

My second is lovely, as is the first.

It's what you make of it.

I have a four year gap. Ds idolised dd. And then last night ds overheard dd telling her friend how great he is.

It isn't always easy and its what you make of it. (Btw most people make dc2 fit in with dc1 to start with therefore dc1 won't be neglected.,)

I've got a 3 month old and a 3 year old. Unexpected pregnancy and it took me a long time to come to terms with changing my relationship with my son. It has changed but honestly it was always going to! (3yo is the stuff of nightmares!!! )
But it's also changed for the better to see him as the absolutely brilliant big brother that he is growing into! They love each other so so much already. I'm an only so I've never experienced it in such close quarters.
Finally I think the attention thing is yet another thing they make up to make you feel bad these days.. I play with him loads while baby sleeps, everything we do is still stuff he likes and actually learning that you don't get all the attention all the time is something children should learn!
Ps I've found it WAYYYY EASIER than I thought I was going to!! It's not that bad i promise! And I've got a husband who is gone 5 til 7 and so it's just be and the kids. I love it!

2 kids here and its amazing. Its not the same of course and your relationship with DC 1 will change, but not necessarily in a bad way. On top of that they will have a bond with each other too.
It will be tough at first for sure, because it changes a lot and your first might need time to adjust.
Mine are 4 and 5 now and they are amazing together. Most of the time anyways

My two are now 1 and nearly 4. They adore each other. The older one does get annoyed at times that her games are messed up but that's probably good for her to navigate sometimes. (We obviously don't allow this all the time!). Life is busy and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed but then you have an adorable moment e.g. them looking at books together.

Some advice I was given:

• Refer to the baby as 'ours' so your older one feels part of it
• When possible, say 'Baby just wait a minute, I need to do X for toddler first' so toddler doesn't feel pushed out all the time
• Have some special bits for your eldest to do whilst feeding e.g. stickers

Also remember that toddlers go through challenging phases anyway. Depending on age gaps, your friends may have attributed these to having a new baby, when it may have been coincidence.

In summary, I feel DD gains far more than she 'loses' having a sibling.

I've got positive stories!! Millions of them, honestly I could sit here all day. But ultimately, you will wonder what the hell you were worried about.

I have two sons aged 2 and 4 and a daughter who is three months.

There are 20 months between my boys and yes, the first year was a blur. My DS2 was an incredibly hard baby - didn't sleep, colic, reflux, hated the sling, the car seat, the pram - it was tough. But he's not the norm, my friends babies and my other kids haven't been like that, so it is unusual. And we survived it, I just took it day by day. I didn't breastfeed, which will probably get me thrown on mumsnet, but it was just one less thing to worry about.

Despite that, he just was and is the joy of our family. He's nearly three now and him and his brother are the best of friends, they are a real team and on days when my oldest son is at nursery they just miss each other the whole day. Their relationship is us one of the things in my life that makes me the happiest.

I also worried about my relationship with DS1, but we have such a strong bond. We are very similar in nature and are incredibly close, this hasn't changed.

Throw my new baby into the mix and again, I worried about the impact, but she has been the best thing to ever happen to those boys - they adore her.

Honestly, you think you can't love another child like you do your first, or bond with them the same and that you love will somehow be diluted by another child. But it's nonsense. Your heart just gets bigger and the love just gets stronger, not weaker.

I'm not all rose tinted glasses about it - I haven't spoken to my own brother in years so I know that siblings are not always a good thing. But as children we were close and I wouldn't have been without him.

Wait, just wait until you see your sons playing together. Or you hear them having a conversation when they think you're not listening. Or helping each other with something without you even asking them to do it. It's amazing.

I have two kids and having the second was the best thing I ever did for my eldest. Yes they fight and moan sometimes but also they've got each other's backs most of the time and it's just lovely to see.

Absolute rubbish! I had my first two close together (19 month gap). The first 6 months was tough due to intense sleep deprivation (neither slept), but having a second didn’t negatively affect my first at all. DD1 has never once shown any jealously towards DD2, they’re 6 and 4 now and best of friends.
I have a third now and they both adore him too.
I don’t recognise anything that your ‘friends’ have said.

Thinking a bit more, I can honestly say that I never worried about any of these things and I wonder if it's because I have siblings with a small age gap so to me it's normal to have multiple children and it was never an issue. Of course children dont always get on but it would be a bit deluded to expect anything other than that.

Are you an only child OP?

I was worried about this too OP, but I'm thinking long term gain - as they grow I hope they'll play with each other so I won't have to play Frozen every day for hours on end There can be negatives to having only children too.

DD1 has actually been great with her little sister so far, as others have suggested we've tried to include her as much as possible. She still has her moments and our relationship has been tested as a result but I think they are mostly because she is 3! It's good for her to learn the world doesn't revolve around her.

It was hard. Ours are close in age (22 month gap). As they get older, it gets easier and I'm so glad they've got each other. They do fall out but they also play very well together sometimes and love each other very much.

Thank you all SO much for the wonderful stories, it's been a pleasure reading them all and has certainly eased my panicky thoughts a little. There will be a 4 Year age gap between DCs, my son is so, so excited about our baby and very involved in all aspects. I don't doubt he will love his younger brother but I guess my heart just aches at the unknown and nerves are kicking in, my previous pregnancy / birth and experience has been incredible with DC1 and I just hope the second is equally as blissful! Thanks again Mumsnetters

I had 2 DD with an age gap of only 20 months; to say it was hard the first 6 months is an understatement, toddler and new born plus sleep deprivation was hard but I swear to you that all that crying, misery, PND, struggles, was worth every second when you see how much they love each other!
I am pregnant with a third now and feel sorry for it that I won’t be giving it a buddy like my first two!
Having the same sex is even better and you will see how much you enjoy just watching them play and you ultimately have created BFFs for life!

I have two - there's a two and a half year age gap between them. My second was and is such an easy and happy child - the opposite of my first 😂
The first few years were definitely rough. I was alone with them and a toddler/newborn is constant work as they both have many needs but their needs don't align. That being said, it's absolutely worth it now - they're the best of friends and love each other very much, play often. Fight often too!! But it all works out in the end.

My second was a nice easy labour, breastfed like a champ, slept through the night quickly, always smiled..he's two now and not a pick of bother! He is an absolute joy and delight!

I'm pregnant with second and I've heard similar comments and worry about how my relationship with my DS will change. Happy to read such reassuring comments.

My experience was the other way round, my relationship with DS1 actually improved!

Before Dd was born DS1 was all about his Daddy. Wouldn't come near me, wouldn't do things for me, hug me, let me read to him.
He was horrible to me the majority of the time tbh and it was heartbreaking. I was in tears everyday.

We tried everything to help, my DH hugging me infront of him, bigging me up, one on one time, even to the point where only DH disciplined him so I didn't have to be the 'bad guy' and it didn't work.

I went into hospital to have DD and was gone for 2 days. I've never been away from him that long. I came home and he thought I brought him home a baby, for him! He was overjoyed. He just instantly loved her. Asked where she was each morning, and still does. Loves his bath time with her, brings her toys, gives her a dummy and tries to feed.

He suddenly loved me too! Lots of cuddles and face stroking from him, being nice to me, total flip.

He's as lovely as pie now. Still prefers daddy but the baby seems to prefer me so that's evened out!

As a result our bond is much deeper and stronger, I dread to think what would of happened without having DD.

DS2 has absolutely completed our family. There is a 4 year age gap and nothing in life makes me more happy and proud than seeing DS1 being the most amazing, caring big brother. I have found DS2 so much easier than DS1 and am really enjoying it, couldn’t have said that about the newborn months first time round!

You are about to give DC1 the best thing you could ever possibly give him.