45 year old with 3 year old struggling

[jobbymcginty]

Hi my ds turned 3 the other day I'll be 45 in a few months I also have a teenage ds.
I feel like the most shit mum. I work nightshift so that doesn't help .
I'm constantly tired and I know I don't have the same energy I had 13 years ago with ds2. My little bit wants to play constantly, follow me everywhere an I'm just so tired I feel such a shit mum. I love my kids so much and both my ds were very much wanted I just feel so lazy and don't know how to get better at doing things with my little one. Most of the time I just want to rest

He does know how tired I am as I've been reduced to tears a lot as I'm so exhausted . I do also tell him how tired I am but he doesn't seem to get it. I did ask him to stop his hobby but he said it was the only spare time he got, I Pointed our I got no spare time at al, he replied that going to see my dad was my spare time! Actually writing this down I realise what a dick he is. Spending time with my poor bereaved dad with 2 kids in tow with no sleep is not spare time

Even by Mumsnet low standards of DH your husband is a selfish git OP.
He must realize that what is is doing is putting your health at risk.
He is placing his own child free hobby time above your basic need for sleep.
Depriving prisoners of sleep is against the Geneva convention. As a POW you would get treated better than your DH is treating you.
It is also telling that one of your dc's is trying to step up and help as a child while your adult husband doesn't bother.

Bloody hell op! I’m 44 soon so clicked your post out of interest. Your situation has fa to do with your age and everything, like all pp’s have said, to do with night shifts and your manchild. Lack of sleep is still used as a form of torture, how on earth you’re still functioning at all boggles the brain never mind with dc to take care of. I know you haven’t the energy for confrontation with your ‘d’p at the moment but when you do he needs a kick up the arse so bad he’d be launched into space. Far from being a bad mum, you’re a medical marvel, and I’d be starting exactly where you have with the job then sort him out! Good luck I genuinely wish you all the best and think you’re blinking amazing. So sorry about your mum too.

My dh doesn't get it

^

Yup. He doesn't. But he needs too, pronto. He's a shit for taking advantage of you.

Nobody gets regular Full Days for hobbies when there are small children in the house! Like an hour or two here and there, a day off occasionally, sure. How is it that men get away with this stuff all the time?

Hi OP,
I know only too well how tiring night shifts are. But to work one and have no sleep for around 36 hours during which you are looking after your little one the next day is incredible. Plus you have an older child to care for and you spend as much time with your bereaved Dad as possible too. I really don't know how you have managed to keep this going. The exhaustion must be immense.
In addition to this, being a nurse is an all consuming job and you need to be alert and have the stamina to fulfil this role.

As others have stated your DH must step up and do much more in terms of childcare. Sleep is essential, a 'hobby day' is not. Changing your shifts would also be great. As suggested could you employ a cleaner and also look at nursery or a childminder as soon as possible, not waiting until April?
But you also need a few hours each week for you to be able to have some breathing space just for yourself (separate to sleeping time).

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. It must be very hard for you and your Dad.

I hope your situation improves soon OP and you feel like yourself again. You sound like an amazing Mum.

'As suggested could you employ a cleaner and also look at nursery or a childminder as soon as possible, not waiting until April?'

OP said earlier in thread that she couldnt do the above and will need to wait for the 15 free hours from April. If she could afford those she could work less hours.

You are torturing yourself.

You must sleep otherwise your health will really suffer.

Have a google to see what effects sleep deprivation can have on your body and mind. It will also be affecting your ability to do your job.

This needs to be your priority above all else and your husband needs to do his bit and stop faffing about with his hobby and start parenting and being a decent supportive husband.

Good luck