When did being at home get easier.

[Postmanbear]

I have 2 boys, nearly 3 and 16 months. I am lucky to be able to be part time, 3 days a week but I’m really not enjoying my days at home at the moment. They are just such hard work. My youngest can now run everywhere so I struggle to take them places on my own which is not a soft play or play group. My day feels like a relentless cycle of clearing up food and playing puzzles or telling them off. I feel trapped in a room with them.
I want to go back to work full time but feel so sad saying/thinking that. We don’t need the money.
I had PND following my second and I feel like I’m sinking again.
Maybe it’s the weather and things will be better in the summer.
When did you start enjoy being at home with them? Thank you

I can’t help but I sometimes feel like that with my nearly 11 month old! I dread not having anything to do with him in the day! You’ve got 2 so can’t imagine what that must be like.

Ahh I feel your pain. You have two at difficult ages I think, it must be really hard!

My DD is 2yrs8mnths & has gone through a really really difficult phase over the last few months. I have Thursday afternoon & Friday off with her. I found myself absolutely dreading those days & wishing I was at work! Which makes me feel awful I don’t think being heavily pregnant has helped! That said, she’s turned a bit of a corner in Jan & I’ve found myself enjoying her & our time again!

I think this winter period is hard. We go to softplay most Fridays to be fair as it’s just been raining constantly where we live! It’s miserable! I don’t mind softplay, she runs off & plays, I have a drink. Then we play together, get some lunch and find a decent chunk of the day has passed! It’s so much nicer in summer when you can just get out into the garden and put activities out such as water play, slides, sand etc!

Do you have friends you can meet up with? My NCT friends are a lifeline on Fridays. We don’t meet every week but maybe once or twice a month those who are free gather at softplay or someone’s house! It’s just nice to have adult company! Equally, I often pop to my parents on Fridays for a breather!

Could you consider working on Thursday but still having Friday off? Or having Thursday off & working Friday, so I’ve you’ve had a bad day Thursday, you have a break from it all on Friday?! Perhaps you’d enjoy the one day so much more that it’s better than having two days you don’t enjoy at all?

Alternatively, could you do an extra day in nursery for your older one once funding kicks in? Then you’d only have both of them on one day?

Hope things get easier OP. It’s not easy at home, I take my hat off to stay at home mums. It’s way harder than going to work!

You are not alone! Its really hard! Hats off to SAHM mums who absolutely love every minute but I think most, like myself and sounds like you, struggle and welcome days at work for a bit of freedom and normality. Doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It’s just hard. X

So I was same until I started going out with kids every single day of the week. It’s tiring but less mentally demanding as kids need other kids to play with Abd they definately need freedom and space. Especially boys I find are more physical and my son does not do play dough or colouring for long periods. Instead he wants to run about. So yeh I spend 9-5 with him outdoors and during his nap time I flatten out his pram and take a long break to myself.

Hi OP no real advise but just wanted to say you’re not alone. I have a 20 month old & one day per week off work - I want to enjoy it but often don’t and feel guilty as anything for saying that. Doesn’t help I have no family or friends I can do anything with so literally just me and my little one.
I find it easier when we go out & hardest thing is to try and stay in, but appreciate that’s more difficult with two.
I’m also hoping it improves with the weather as we’ll spend lots more time outside

It is hard with twins plus 1. Boys are feral little beasts, fresh air, unlimited space. I would pack up a picnic and be out in the mornings in the summer, in this weather it was harder, wellies, coats etc. but I still did it. Are there no playgroup places in your area. We can offload for 2 hours at 2 and a half in our area. 9-11, that does help.

Can you look into council care in your area, you should be entitled to some hours.

Better gym have toddler facilities everyday for just 16 pounds a month btw also the local libraries. That with outdoor play fills up our time. Also local nurseries have an open day once a week for playgroups and other baby session. Just fill up your calendar. Try not to stay indoors it’s just too confined for kids they don’t like it

Thank you for all the comments and advice. I only have two days off with them so I should really enjoy it but I don’t.
We go to playgroup both mornings which is good when we are there but it feels like a long time getting ready and then we are home at 11.30 with a long day to fill. DS2 naps which is good.
We don’t have any family near by and my NCT friends are all at work. It just feels relentless at the moment and I feel so guilty for preferring to be at work when I wanted children for so long. I’m wishing this time away which I know I’ll regret I’m just so exhausted with it all.

Do not go home at 11.30, pack sandwiches and drinks and carry on a bit longer in the fresh air. You are already out, have packed the little darlings into the car so you may as well keep going.

This will pass honestly. The outdoor air will help with your gloomies too.

If you are prepared to tell us which area you live in, we might be able to find free fun things to do outdoors. The woodland trust in England are always doing stuff etc.

I went out because I found being at home very hard. I didn't work because of living abroad, visa issues etc. It gets better when they talk, alas this was age 4 for me, dd is autistic

So mornings I usually fill up with playgroups and afternoons I go somewhere outdoorsy and let them play in fresh air and I try to schedule it with other mums or we play alone and then I go hang around the nursery mums who are taking their kids out at 5sh and letting their kids play a bit too.

It becomes worth the hassle in the early morning of dressing them up for the day.

Morning routine takes an hour with the kids , I dress them up for the day and give breakfast and prepare lunch box and picnic for the day and leave the house at 9 for playgroups (usually start at 9.30).

It’s tough but the only way to enjoy it is to have adult conversations for yourself and kids for them to play with I feel. It requires planning. I plan every weekend what’s coming up for the kids.

I do struggle at times.

But also, if we are at home. I schedule similar activities to the playgroups and focus on things he enjoyed at playgroups.

Messy play, creative, role play, imaginative play, educational etc.. sand and water. And I mig he invite some other kids around for play dates.

But yes it’s tiring. It’s one of those things that if I don’t plan ahead I definately DONT enjoy it.

I see it as , kids aren’t naturally supposed to enjoy the confined spaces and so if I’m putting them in an unnatural environment for them I need to facilitate and plan how to help them enjoy it. Otherwise , in nature and in big spaces with other kids there is little effort needed tbh. Which I find easier.

So it’s not ur fault you’re not enjoying it but you can try

Try messy play in the bath tub ? Sand or foam or glitter or pain or water ? That should kill a good hour. Introduce some toys in there too for then to mess around with m.

Our RSPB is wonderful, muddy puddles, etc. loads of mums there to talk to every day. And it is a safe environment.

Thanks again. I used to take them both outside a lot but that was when DS2 wasn’t walking so he would stay in the pram. Now they are both walking I feel unsafe taking them out on my own. They both go in opposite directions and DS1 doesn’t always listen to me saying stop. It’s hard to run after him when DS2 is wandering off in another direction.

I was hoping people would come on and say when my children were 3.5 and 2 I really enjoyed being at home with them! I could go back to work full time but hoping it gets easier and more enjoyable soon!

Oh god OP I'm right there with you. Mine are just-turned 3 and 18 months. I can't even really take them to playgroups because in my town they separate the groups by age (so the one this morning was up to 2.5 only).

I don't really have any advice, just sympathy. Sure it better if you're outside but struggling uphill with a double buggy with the raincover in 70mph gusts yesterday wasn't exactly a break.

Reins when in an unsafe area. Then let them off the lead when it is safe. I know people frown upon reins, but with twins it is important.

bizziebaby.co.uk/product-review/twin-reins-2/

Also, where do all the previous posters live who have a playgroup on every day? I live in a town and there's only stuff on 3 days a week max, and that's term time only...

You need rules! He either listens and stops when you say and holds hands when near roads, or he goes in the buggy. Simple and you have to mean it. He’ll soon learn and little one will copy.

Oh and you are a hero by the way.

When I'm finding things tough, I get into the habit of making up sandwiches and fruit/biscuits the night before. That way, if I decide to go out it's easy, and if we stay in, it's one less job.

You aren't alone. It's relentless. I sometimes struggle because I think it should be easier. I'm at home, this should be nice. Why is this harder than working? This is my day off! The guilt and expectation just makes it harder.

Tell yourself it's a difficult stage (it really is) and what would make it a bit easier and more enjoyable. Things will change.

StuntCroissant the local library has every other day something going on for kids
The local gym has 6 days a week soft play
And 7 days a week swimming under the same membership for toddlers (but swimming is hard with two so hardly go)
The local gym (better gym) also has seperate classes for toddlers (dance, football, ballet in the library)
The local nurseries have 2 hours a week open nursery for up to 5 years
Museums and malls have daily things

So usually I schedule my mornings to organised things for toddlers and evenings for outdoors or “child friendly” indoors which aren’t necessarily just catered for kids.

Today I stayed indoors as it’s windy and we don’t have a car and I enjoyed it by bringing out all the toys:

Little bit of sand with moulds and construction vehicles to play with

Sticker books

Lego and construction tools (hammer..)

Play dough

Books

And so far this has occupied our morning.

While baby is rotated between gym and swing.

But we video called few relatives in the oroveee so I can have some adult conversations too .

Mind you, this is one of the few indoor days that I am prepared because of the storm. But I do usually have a:

“Theme” for the day: today it’s construction/building
And different types of toys - sand, constructure vehicles, tools, blocks, screws and bolts, books on construction vehicles...

As well as the other toys he likes to play with.

As well as helping me out with housework when he feels like it.

But it’s more mental energy than being around other parents and having everything ready for u for sure.

If you are a SAHM - like me, try have a tour/visit to a nearby nursery and see how they schedule their week and copy that at home.

And I agree with reins. I have those in my buggy for when we are on a pavement. Or a buggy board.

I think it’s mentally accepting that it’s not actually easy and just naturally flowing to be at home with the kids.

Kids need peers and other kids to stay entertained. Or try need you to act like one which I find torturous on days when I have my adult brain and responsibilities pending.

If I’m staying indoors I fill up this:

Theme:
Toys available:
Messy play:
Role play:
Educational objective:
Local Outdoors trip:

For example next week is:

Theme: transport and civilization
Toys available: cars, roads rug, indoors tricycle, characters, police/theif, ambulance. Planes and ships. Trains. Shopping trolley....

Messy play: making cars with play dough. Painting cars and traffic lights. Water splash with blowing boats.
Role play: police/theif, doctor/patient using, shopping
Educational objective: traffic safety, traffic lights. Teach him “stop, walk, slow” . Identifying roads. Identifying green And red man on the traffic light.
Local Outdoors trip: tricycle downstairs or pulling truck While we have a local walk. Play stop walk game while walking on the pavement.
Physical: indoor tricycle, finding toy cars around the house

Obviouslt that’s added to free play that we have a box full of in case.

I only have 1 day off with DD and I'm the same, I dread Monday's even more now than when I worked and I feel awful about it. It's just so stressful.. we go to play group and that's fine but the rest is just me trying to stop her having tantrums.

So tempted to return to work 5 days, it would also help me keep on top of work! But I just wonder if I'll regret it.

I have two boys with a similar age gap (now teens). I worked pt (three days) and always preferred going to work than staying at home. And I didn't need to work either.
What helped was putting DS1 in nursery for an extra half day on one of my afternoons off whilst DS2 napped,
and then switching to work five mornings and paying for half day nursery instead. That way, no day stretched out as several long hours at home. Expensive over the years, but saved my sanity. All became much easier when they were at school, but I wasn't prepared to struggle through that long.

Even in this weather I would take my 2 out to the park or a walk. Wellies hats scarfs gloves and a waterproof coat and warm clothing underneath.

Ds has ADHD and Dd I couldn’t trust her to stay on the pavement if we were walking anywhere so would use reins attached to an extendable dog lead. I had to make sure Ds had loads of exercise otherwise he wouldn’t sleep.

I became good at packing a picnic.

Otherwise it was running round the local shopping centre

I have three OP and am home with them every day. A 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 5 month old.

In my experience, it doesn't get easier, you just adapt and accept that chaos is your life now

I describe my life as 'groundhog day' all too often!