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Original poster

My child never plays by himself, I am so exhaused

34 replies

probablynotthere1 · 07/02/2020 11:59

Now I know its my job to play with him, to entertain him and to excite him but, I feel I'm losing my mind...

He's two and he literally never plays by himself, I spend all day long on the floor making his stuffed animals say "hello, how are you?, kiss? cuddle? shall we bounce?" etc

If I try to get on with things or walk away he grabs hold of my hand and demands "mummy play!" if I say "no, mummy is busy at the moment" he gets incredibly upset. He even tries to make me play these games when his friends are around!

It means I'm spending 5-6h a day playing these games on the carpet with him and I know he's only little and its lovely he likes me playing with him so much but its doing my head in to be honest! I can't get any washing or cleaning done, or even put my make up on unless he's asleep!

I'm not sure if I sound ridiculous or not, some people will probably tell me thats just parenting and he will grow out of it soon enough. Do I need to be tougher with him? Say no to more?

help!

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TheMustressMhor · 07/02/2020 12:03

Yes, you need to say No more often.

What actually happens if you leave him to get on with playing by himself?

Dumbledoresgirl · 07/02/2020 12:10

How about getting him to play a new game? Give him a duster and tell him to dust the furniture while you Hoover in the same room. Or get him a mini clothes basket and he gets to carry his clothes in it to the washing machine while you carry the rest of the wash. You get the idea. When my eldest was about 18 months, I would stand him on a chair and let him dry up dishes from the draining board. Obviously only non breakable things, and obviously you have to be right by him to ensure he doesn't fall, and obviously the drying is a bit scanty, but it kept him occupied and allowed me to wash up.

PureAlchemy · 07/02/2020 12:16

Would he be willing to “help” with the chores?

My 3yr old loves putting things in and out of the washer / dryer, loves helping to load and unload the dishwasher and so on.

It all takes a lot longer than just doing it by myself would, but it means some of the jobs get done, and he’s entertained by it.

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NopeNotToday5 · 07/02/2020 12:29

Get him to help you with the washing/chores like PP have said. My son is only 18 months but i get him involved with house work. Ill give him a clean cloth and tell him to wipe around. My son loves to put the clothes into the washer/dryer. He has alittle brush set with a dust pan and brush while i hoover up. Takes alot longer than normal but at least you get a clean tidy house plus a happy toddler thinking hes helping you.

RedRed9 · 07/02/2020 12:35

I read some advice on this a while back. If I remember correctly it was to set up a game close to the chore you are going to do. Eg set up playdough at the kitchen table while you prepare dinner.

You had to start the game and then constantly announce you were getting up to do bits of dinner,; increasing the length of time you were away from the game each time.

I don’t know how that works with games like stuffed toys. Or how nice your dinner will be after you’ve been back and forth to it 50times.

Bear2014 · 07/02/2020 12:39

Can you get out and about more in the mornings, to stay and play/park etc, let him play with some other children? I find time drags if we're just playing in the house and even though my 2yo will play by himself, not for long enough to actually do much uninterrupted. Try and have only an hour in the morning and an hour after nap in the afternoon actually playing at home most days?

TwitcherOfCurtains · 07/02/2020 12:59

He's a good age to buy a little cleaning set for. My DC used to love sweeping and mopping the floor (badly).
Gives 10 mins peace.

Apolloanddaphne · 07/02/2020 13:03

My DD used to be a bit like that. I managed to change things by praising her every time she played by herself even if it was only for a minuscule amount of time. I made sure that when I was playing with her I was attentive but not very effusive. The big rewards of fuss and effusiveness came when she played by herself. It seemed counterintuitive for a while to interrupt her when she played alone to praise her but it worked.

Bluerussian · 07/02/2020 13:24

Stickle bricks, Duplo, things like that. Xylophone, toy cars, music box. Two year olds will usually play with toys on the floor.

GinNotGym19 · 07/02/2020 13:28

What kind of toys has he got? My 2 yo plays on his own with his cars, but also likes his toy hoover and kitchen. Something like duplo might be good!

Original poster
probablynotthere1 · 07/02/2020 14:41

Thanks guys, he has everything! Duplo, cars, brio, Playmobil123, plastic animals, Peppa figures...

OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 07/02/2020 14:58

As i sit here reading, DS is currently drawing with chalks on his blackboard and 'cooking'. He is 2y7mo

He also likes to help clean. Some days we get more done than others.

Jellycatfox · 07/02/2020 15:32

Mine is the same and almost 3
I stopped worrying and now I play and just let the housework pile up, since I realised one day I would be begging for his attention

Hellohello2020 · 07/02/2020 17:11

I think it's a little bit you've done it to yourself, always thinking your supposed to be the entertainer, excite them. I read an article about this. It said something about observing and not intervening or directing play but comment on what they are doing.

DelurkingAJ · 07/02/2020 19:18

Different DC are very different. DS1 was as you describe and is only now (at 7) beginning to entertain himself (grumpily). Sorry. DS2 in the other hand could happily kick on his mat for 20 minutes at 6 months and can entertain himself almost indefinitely.

With DS1 it got much better when he learnt to read. Before then we just had to be quite firm (I am doing X but will come and see you as soon as I’m done). And we both work FT so it was less exhausting (not suggesting you do the same!).

SinkGirl · 07/02/2020 19:22

I have no experience of this as my twins (age 3) have ASD, one of them doesn’t play with toys at all and the other likes playing alone. But I do know that independent play is a really important part of development so I would try being a bit firmer, and giving him at least a couple of periods a day where you step away and try to encourage him to play on his own. It’s not mean, it’s for his benefit - they need to explore things for themselves. It’s great that you’re so involved but definitely try to work up to some independent play time.

xxxJess123xxx · 07/02/2020 19:26

My 4 year old is exactly the same and it drives me to despair but then I feel guilty for feeling like that! She wants me to play all the time and it's always role play which I cant stand!
I feel envious of the mums that can sit on the settee with a tea while kids play, I cant Sad
I have a one year old too and all I'm thinking is maybe in a year they can play with each other Smile
We do go out and get out the house ALOT! just so I get a break! Xx

Jeleste · 07/02/2020 19:27

Why would he play by himself if he has a full time entertainer?
You have to say no and get him used to it.
I know its easier said than done. It worked really well with my first, second was more stubborn.

gamerwidow · 07/02/2020 19:28

2 year olds don't really play by themselves but doesn't mean you cant say no mummy needs to this now and get on with it. My DD has always been rubbish at playing by herself. Even now I'm typing this one handed because shes lying on my lap while she plays on her tablet.
Sometimes you have to say enough and live with the moaning.

PattiPrice · 07/02/2020 19:32

I remember a friend of mine saying she plays with her children ALL the time. They are now 12 and 7. She thinks it’s great parenting but her children are incapable of entertaining themselves. When she isn’t playing with them, the kids play computer games. When she is chatting on the phone, they are constantly interrupting to say they are ‘bored’.

I know your child is very young but encourage independent play if you don’t want to end up like the above!

mynameisntlouise · 07/02/2020 19:33

I've not put it into practice myself, but I've read that having more open-ended toys are good for encouraging them to play by themselves.

Yika · 07/02/2020 19:34

I think it's rather young to expect a child to start to learn to play by themself. I confess that at that age I would put the TV on to occupy my child while I did a chore. It was probably around 3 or 4 that I started to leave her alone to play. She grumbled and whined but found her way eventually. I agree with partially or completely setting up games - set up a Lego scene or build a den and then let the child play in it.

managedmis · 07/02/2020 19:34

Pairing socks
Dusting
Matching tupperware
Folding towels
Emptying/filling washer

It's all just play at that age

VisionQuest · 07/02/2020 19:51

Ooooh I feel your pain. Mine was exactly the same.

He's now 5 and can entertain himself for periods of time but it took a long time to get there.

Saying no just didn't work, he would either just follow me relentlessly or have a melt down. The games were so tedious too, I hated it!

No advice I'm afraid. I think you'll just have to ride it out and put the tv on a bit more. Some kids can entertain themselves and some can't!

VisionQuest · 07/02/2020 19:56

Also I should add, that mine was not the kind of child who was entertained by helping with housework or wiping around with a cloth.

I tried setting up games, play dough, bricks, car mat, painting - nope. He didn't want to do any of it alone.

A friend of mine however, her son would sit and play with the peg basket for an hour a time!