My child never plays by himself, I am so exhaused

[probablynotthere1]

Now I know its my job to play with him, to entertain him and to excite him but, I feel I'm losing my mind...

He's two and he literally never plays by himself, I spend all day long on the floor making his stuffed animals say "hello, how are you?, kiss? cuddle? shall we bounce?" etc

If I try to get on with things or walk away he grabs hold of my hand and demands "mummy play!" if I say "no, mummy is busy at the moment" he gets incredibly upset. He even tries to make me play these games when his friends are around!

It means I'm spending 5-6h a day playing these games on the carpet with him and I know he's only little and its lovely he likes me playing with him so much but its doing my head in to be honest! I can't get any washing or cleaning done, or even put my make up on unless he's asleep!

I'm not sure if I sound ridiculous or not, some people will probably tell me thats just parenting and he will grow out of it soon enough. Do I need to be tougher with him? Say no to more?

help!

You are a person too and this is not ok for you. There is a point in parenting where our needs are completely subsumed to those of our children (birth, new born and at certain intense moments thereafter) but the rest of the time is a journey towards more independence for them and more reemergence of you.

You need to start re-emerging from this. Either by asserting your no and putting up with the wails or by sharing the load (nursery? Going back to work?).

Don't panic! He's totally young enough to start encouraging this. I would not get into the trap of using TV, nothing wrong with TV, but if you end up with either you play with him or he's on screens then you still haven't given him any independent self entertainment skills and you just kick the problem down the road as they end up totally screen dependent which is stressful and harder to crack.

This is a good approach imo :

www.janetlansbury.com/2013/05/stop-entertaining-your-toddler-in-3-steps-2/

Another suggestion would be to get a babysitter in for a couple of hours in the day and while you are there - just to help entertain your DS.

Just tell him your busy. Let him help or throw a paddy. He’ll get over it soon enough.

Could you try a busy box type thing?

Some ideas here

www.howweelearn.com/quiet-time-activites-2-year-olds/

I bought some extra long pipe cleaners and plastic cotton reels which is a really good way of threading that’s a bit easier than the shoelace types.

“Saying no just didn't work, he would either just follow me relentlessly or have a melt down. The games were so tedious too, I hated it!”

Let the child have a melt down then! It’s just a tantrum because they can’t have their own way.

Seriously, those who pander to their kids in this way risk turning them into a quite controlling child. They have to learn to play along and with other children and not to be in control, giving out commands all the time. If you want to teach your child good social skills, don’t do everything they insist.

Incidentally, being extremely controlling in play and insisting parents do exactly what they say, often in repetitive, or sequences ways, can sometimes be an early sign of ASD. Might be worth bearing in mind if you try the firm “no, I’m busy just now, play on your own for 20 mins and then we’ll play trains” and they really genuinely can’t copw with that.

This sounds exhausting!

I’m assuming you’re a sahm? If you are then you need a routine.
And keep yourself busy at regular intervals so he can’t monopolise your time like this.

For example. In the morning give him breakfast. Then set him up to play and tell him firmly you need to get yourself ready (clean up, shower, watch TV or read a little ) and leave him to play. If he follows you around just be firm and say you can’t play and leave him too follow, he will soon be bored and find something to do.

Then go out for the morning. Toddler group, swim, park, play date

Not sure if he naps but after his nap set him up to play again and then tell him firmly you need to do your own work. Prepare dinner, clean, watch tv/read.

Tell him you will play with him after dinner.

Then set aside an hour to play. Honestly that is plenty.

A child’s natural way of being is to play. He just needs some time and he will start to play by himself. Even nursery nurses don’t sit and play with the children at all times, they are with the children interacting, redirecting behaviour issues as well as doing cleaning/organising etc.

Also don’t be afraid of letting him watch tv a couple of times a day. Your job is not to entertain him all the time and dc enjoy a little downtime also.

My DD rarely played by herself but the one sure fire winner was a bowl of bubbly washing up water on a towel on the kitchen floor and a load of plastic pots to 'wash up'. As long as you make sure your in the room with him to make sure he doesn't fall in the bowl it's a bit messy but you can get all your kitchen chores done.