Tips - first time alone with baby

[Thatsnotmynameisit]

My OH has been lucky enough to take 4weeks off work since our DD was born and will be returning to work on Monday!
He has been really hands on since our little lady's arrival. This week I'm finding myself feeling more and more anxious by the day knowing he will be returning to work and I will be home alone with a baby!

We have discussed how feeds will go when he returns, he will do the last feed before he comes to bed while I get a few hours sleep, I will be up with her through the night, and he will do the early morning feed before he leaves. Does this seem ok?

I'm so bloody nervous!? Any advice/tips for the coming few days and my first weeks alone with DD?

I was so nervous when dh returned to work after 3 weeks but actually it gave me the chance to really embrace being a mum. I was forced not to depend on him so my confidence grew. When his off he does most nappy changes, helps bathe him, reads to him and plays with him so I get a break and his bond with our son is amazing.

It sounds like you have a good plan just be prepared it may change as baby’s sleep pattern changes. Make sure you don’t stay in all day every day. Don’t try too much at once but attending a group once a week or seeing friends will help. We now try a walk or group at least every other day and have family days when his dads not working. You will be absolutely fine

Thank you @ToTravellsToLive

I'm hoping confidence finds me soon, I have been looking at groups to go to locally I just hope my anxiety of going to them doesn't stop me.
I have promised myself I will only stay home one day at a time as I know that staying in affects my mood dramatically, even if its just for a half hour stroll to the shops for nothing, we both need the fresh air.

I know a plan is wishful thinking.. but I need the hope that I'm going to get a little sleep in somewhere lol

I've also just downloaded The Wonder Weeks app that says their first 'leap' is 6 days away... just to scare me that little bit more lol

Congratulations, you will be absolutely fine.

I remember first full day with DD, felt like a mountain. Now I'm like go to work and stop messing up my routine!

For me, structure helped. So I always had shower and got dressed, Dd in bouncer. Then mornings are walk or groups or shops. Like you mention make sure you get out.

Home for lunch usually then nap. I prep dinner in the afternoon and house jobs. I couldn't tell you the last time I managed to clean the entire house, just a few bits a day.

Once six months comes dinner more of an event so I prep hers as well, then she eats 5.30ish. Then we are into bath play milk bed.

Check out local groups. I was terrified and had section so couldn't drive until six weeks and was worrying everyone would have made friends etc. Everyone in same boat and all were welcoming.

You'll be fine! The fact that you're worrying about it shows that you care and you know how important it is to take care of yourself.

My DH was good at getting my lunch ready when he did his before he left for work - I was constantly starving when bfing and knowing there was something healthy to counter all the snacks which I could just grab and eat really helped.

Definitely getting out every day can help, even like you say just a trip to the shops. I made the effort to shower and get dressed before DH left, even if just into comfy clothes to go back to bed in (if it had been a bad night - and they were all bad nights!), so that I could get out later without feeling grotty.

My advice would be move slowly. Nothing in the house needs to happen right now. Just see to baby and do what you can when they're happy or sleeping.

I was anxious when dh went back to work but I found it gave me chance to really bond with dd. My advice would be to take it slow - have sandwiches made ready in the fridge for lunch and don't worry about cleaning and tidying and if you want to spend the day in pyjamas that's OK! When you feel more confident get out of the house regularly even if its just to stroll around. Go easy on yourself and don't try to do everything at once

The first leap is over pretty quickly. You might find baby is fussy eating, cries a bit more and is generally clingy but as each leap comes and goes you will notice changes in their development so focus on the excitement of what will come after and it will get you through each leap!

100% have a plan just be prepared it may change is all I meant as for anxiety with groups maybe chose one that is very local for your first one. I still get a little nervous going to groups but it gets easier with every week. Just remember if your baby cries the whole way through every other mum in the room understands and most of them would have been there!

Hi! Try not to stress, you got this 🙂

Our baby is 7 weeks old today and dh went back to work after 3 weeks. Like yours, he is very hands on so I was sooo anxious about him going to work. But it was OK. It made us get into more of a rhythm to be honest. We actually do a very similar routine to what you're looking to do and it works quite well for now. You'll do great xxx

Thanks for everyone's responses, you've made me feel better that

1. It's not just me who feels like this
2. Everything will be ok!

I'm trying to get on top of the washing this week while he's still home and then I'll just take each day as it comes.

@ToTravelIsToLive
The first leap is over pretty quickly. You might find baby is fussy eating, cries a bit more and is generally clingy
I've bought a baby sling this week so I can wear her as she doesnt like to be put down much anyway (not sure if that's because daddy picks her up as soon as she makes a noise? So that may improve in the long run lol)

100% have a plan just be prepared it may change is all I meant
I understand, much appreciated!

There isn't many local groups around me but I found one that is starting mid February that I have signed up for today! Hopefully I don't chicken out by then!

@Fivebyfive2
Try not to stress, you got this
Thank you!!

It made us get into more of a rhythm to be honest.
Good to know, i am hoping that will happen.

We actually do a very similar routine to what you're looking to do and it works quite well for now.
Great! I feel a bit more relaxed (for now) about everything. Thank you so much

While I was very anxious about DH going back to work (after 2 weeks), it actually worked well. I had more time to rest rather than us trying to make the most of our short time off together! I set myself little tasks to get out the house every day but did a lot of watching Netflix and napping!

My first tip was going to be get a sling, but i see you've got that one covered!

Second tip, pick out a few series to watch on Netflix and relax 👌

I'd suggest trying to have your breakfast and coffee before your DH leaves. Can be useful to have lunch prepped as well, just in case baby is being fussy when you want to eat. I sometimes made up a batch of sandwiches and then stuck one on the George foreman for lunch each day (but mostly just survived on sausage rolls and flapjacks because they could be eaten one handed).

Lastly, you'll be fine! Try not to worry about it :) it took me 5 months to build up the courage to go to a baby group, so try not to wait that long! When I did eventually go, I did baby massage which I think is a nice one to start with because all the babies are young. If you don't do a group, go out for walks or treat yourself to a coffee. They're very portable at this stage so make the most of it!

a sling can be a life saver so hopefully it will be the perfect solution for your little one. I won't wish you luck for your group or the coming weeks as you won't need it!

My first month alone with DS, I binge watched all 8(?) seasons of Charmed. It was brilliant 😄

You've got this 👊

4 weeks is awesome. My husband didn't qualify for paternity leave as he had a new job so only for the weekend and was back at work the morning after we got home from hospital!

What I found out after that was it's totally do-able. It's actually easier in the early days before they get older and more demanding! Get everything ready the night before. Have your sling on hand... I used to wear mine all day actually (it was a wrap) so I could easily pop.him in and out of it. Have snacks and a drink on a coffee table by your sofa. Have pram set up and ready to wheel out. Have nappies and wipes set up around a changing station. Basically just have everything organised in advance. I tried to get out every day, even just for a wander round the local lake. Every trip our felt like an achievement! It did take until he was at least three weeks old until I was brave enough to change a nappy or breastfeed him when out and about though.... i did tiny littlw jouneys until then! Just take each day as it comes and understand it's hard and can feel tedious and lonely but thèy will never be thay tiny or helpless ever again!

Thank you all so much!

So.. I'm going to write this on my fridge (and in my phone)

1. Get organised the night before
2. Use the sling
3. Put your feet up and binge Netflix
4. Fresh air - get outside
5. Look into more baby groups
6. Take a breath and ENJOY it!

It's so daunting but you ladies have really helped ease my anxiety, thank you all again x

@surreygirl1987

4 weeks is awesome. My husband didn't qualify for paternity leave as he had a new job so only for the weekend and was back at work the morning after we got home from hospital!

That's such a shame!
I know I've been really lucky that he could have 4 weeks off, I can't imagine him going straight back after we had her !

You will need fine. My DH had 4 weeks too and it was fine. Some of the night feeds were tough with me struggling to stay awake but I made sure I expressed as much as I could and used a breast bud to collect run off each feed so that I had milk for bottles meaning husband could share the load sometimes if I was knackered. Often I would have a nap when he got home ahead of the night. It was fine and you will be fine too just as long as you dont put pressure on yourself together loads done at home in the day at least while baby little.

Clearly I am tired though. Shocking writing Haha

@Newmumatlast
I do struggle with staying awake, especially when DD won't settle unless she is laid on me. Slowly getting used to it though. Napping when he gets home is a good idea too to prep for the long nights

I was super anxious about DH going back to work too. Found the whole thing very difficult, but it was actually the best thing for me! A few days after he went back, DD and I started getting into a little rhythm, and it really helped my confidence.

DD is 2.5 now, and I only work very part time, so have pretty much been at home with her ever since. It’s absolutely lovely. So much so I’m now pregnant again, so will be back to square one in a few months!

Wishing you all the best.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied on this thread.. I have not felt anxious about tomorrow since I read your responses and feel so much more at ease about it.
I've actually been able to enjoy the last few days as just us 3 in our little bubble before he returns to work, thanks to you all!
Wish me luck for tomorrow ❤

Good luck! I'm sure that although it's never easy, it will all be fine, and soon you will be so ao used to it! You've got this!

It’s totally normal to be worried I was ... but first day it was just us was amazing as I was just concentrating on one persons needs.

My parents would come over in the early days a couple of times in a week to hold my son for a couple of hours so I could sleep ... ( reflux and wind barely slept first 3 months out of arms )) if you have that luxury too take them up on it .

I would do a few jobs and sleep for an hour when parents came and then when husband got home I would sleep 7pm-10pm and stay up until 5am and then husband would give me an hour or two ( unless he was up at 5am then I had to just get through the day )

Defno grabbing a few hours before the night is awesome.

Home delivery for food shop is the best idea ever ASDA do unlimited where you can pay £5 a month for all deliveries.

When you are ready go to a baby club ( I wasn’t at that age / I became a bit of a germaphobe when snotty kids came near him 😂) it breaks up your day but for this time binge watching box sets and the odd stroll is handy ... I would visit my parents after the first 2 months ... and then slowly my grand parents and in laws.

Mat leave is a great time to bind you and baby with family x

Bond not bind