When did your difficult baby stop being difficult?

[RainbowsandSnowdropss]

DD is 18 months now and I honestly think there is something wrong with her.

It’s been awful from the start. Colic, very hyperactive. Cried all day everyday for a year basically. She’s frustrated all the time. Very highly strung personality although she is very bright.

I just can’t cope with her. We have no life. It’s ruining our marriage. I can’t do anything. She hates the car/ pram still. I try to take her out but it all ends in tears, I can’t even get her to put coat/ shoes on without a huge meltdown.

When will it stop? Everyone else’s children seem so relaxed and I envy them. I feel like we’ve had such a hard time.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It can seem relentless at this age. Are you a SAHM? If so, maybe you should consider going back to work? Your DD might benefit from the structure and activities of a nursery, and you might find it easier to cope with her if you get a bit of a break from it!

Thank you Mandarin, I do actually work part time. I find the nursery routine and getting her ready etc. very stressful. On our days off together I do have things planned, we do groups and sometimes softplay but it is just so challenging to be able to do much because of how she is.

I feel like she was born in the terrible two’s and there’s no end in sight!

Ds is still a nightmare at 27...

That does sound really difficult OP. Mine was a very difficult baby (dairy allergy, silent reflux, desperate to be on the go) but improved no end once she was walking. From about 13 month on things got a lot easier and now at nearly 2 she's pretty much a dream toddler (still very active and independent, and still has tantrums obviously but very easy to redirect/distract).

Have you tried any toddler techniques? If she's very bright 18mo might not be too early to start implementing some gentle "discipline" - I put it in quotation marks as it's not really discipline but more redirection, distraction, communication etc techniques.

Some helpful books:
www.amazon.co.uk/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/184812614X/ref?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Discipline-Book-co-operative-children/dp/0349412413/ref?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
www.amazon.co.uk/No-Bad-Kids-Toddler-Discipline/dp/1499351119/ref?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

My DD is much easier to manage if I give her as much control as possible. So I let her choose between two things wherever possible (i.e. rather than saying "Shall we put your coat on?" I say "Do you want to wear your pink coat or your blue coat?") and I try to explain the reasons for things I'm making her do (like "I know you don't like going in the car but you want to see Auntie S and we have to go in the car to get to her house"). It doesn't always work but it helps!

How is her sleep?

I hate to say it but around 3 as well... he's still a nightmare to drag out the door at 4 but I'm used to it now 😂 the good thing is he is good at playing solo at home these days so I think he's just a homebody!

I pretty much stopped going out in public once my DS hit that stage, he was AWFUL. hed drop to the floor screaming if we were out, run around displays knowing i couldnt catch him, i carried him up my local high street over my shoulder screaming like a banshee ( getting all the disapproving looks of course), he wore me down so much. he got easier once he started nursery, he needed it and i should of sent him earlier on hindsight

My ds is still difficult at 15 . Sorry to say it has never got any easier .
I have a 19 year old who has always been easy and is a dream compared to the high needs younger sibling

Thank you @peachgreen I will read some of that. I mean she has improved massively but it is still just such hard work most days. Her sleep is fine, I do think she has been teething recently but she won’t let me give her calpol or anything so there’s not much I can do.

@Sleepycat91 that was us the other day. Who are these complete arseholes with the disapproving looks! They obviously are childless or had easy kids!

I do find myself becoming resentful of my (lovely) friends and pulling away. As they seem to be on a completely different journey to me. I see all these Mums casually walking round with coffee and a child in their buggy. It can be upsetting.

Luckily I do love being at home, I think things will get easier when the weather is warmer. Just driven DD around in the car to get her to sleep and managed to get her in the cot, so sat having a cup of tea.

RainbowsandSnowdropss - that's a win!

Mine is 12 and still difficult. She has ASD though which explained an awful lot about her as a baby and toddler. She is also very clever, imaginative, sociable and totally gorgeous. Never a dull moment. Some difficult toddlers do grow out of it though. I remember bonding with other mums of lively toddlers at groups and their kids mellowed with age. Toddler Taming book helped. Luckily baby 2 is just averagely hard work and is far more mellow so that made us realise it wasn't poor parenting.

Oh this is like reading something I wrote. for you @RainbowsandSnowdropss

Mine is 2.5 and has always been high needs. Right now it’s hard because he’s going through a phase of refusing to go anywhere. He just wants to stay in the house with his toys. Tried to take him to the park for some fresh air yesterday and he just screamed and threw himself on the ground. Sometimes he’ll leave the house happily enough but when we arrive at our destination the tantrums start. And the stares. I’ve developed a bit of a death stare to shoot back at the busybodies.

This was pretty much every day of the three weeks I was off over Christmas. I ended up crying in the car so many times because sometimes you just cannot stay in the fucking house another second. No advice but I feel your pain.

She’ll be 9 this year and is still difficult .

About 2.5, we had his sister by then so I don't know if that helped, or at least gave me something else to focus on.

He is still difficult now at almost 9, but in a very manageable way, it will get better OP!

DS1 wasn't the easiest as a baby and toddler. Some of his tantrums had to be seen to be believed.

Things improved immensely as his speech developed. When he could communicate his needs and frustrations better his behaviour improved too.

OP I'm so sorry for you. I could have written this post myself. My daughter screamed every day and every night for well over a year and even when it calmed down a bit she was still an incredibly difficult and screamy child until she was about 2. It was ruining our lives and I am still very damaged from it all. We saw endless health professionals and tried every reflux medication and prescription formula on the market, spent hundreds on tongue tie snipping, lip tie lasering, cranial osteopathy from several different practitioners, you name it we threw money at it in desperation.

However when she eventually calmed down, she became a completely different child. She's incredibly laid back, polite, well behaved, kind and hilarious. She's also very bright and extremely articulate for her age and we wonder if all the misery was caused by her being frustrated about not being able to express herself. Whatever it was, she's the easiest child I know and is no trouble whatsoever, she's just a pleasure. We can take her anywhere, like a nice restaurant, and never have to worry about behaviour.

Sorry if this is a bit gushy but I really want you to feel that there's light at the end of the tunnel. If only I'd known when she was a baby how she would be in a few years time, it might have kept me going through the darkest days.

Also - when I went back to work when she had just turned one, it was the best thing in the world for me. It was like respite.

My eldest was like this as a baby. He was a lot more amenable once he got walking and was a lovely toddler apart from wanting to run off all the time. He always wants to be in the same room as me and wants me to play with him.
We missed out on all the baby sensory and coffee breaks and any sleep with ds1(hv could jog right on with her nap when he naps nonsense).
Ds2 was a dream baby. Woke, 10min feed, 3‐4hr sleep, repeat. He's now a difficult, stubborn preschooler.
Try and read up on different parenting techniques on how to manage your child's personality. I found distraction and redirection and giving mine a task or goal worked for my ds but doesn't work for my ds2. Also wearing them out with a good hours activity such as the park, soft play, lovely walk in the woods.

My youngest is like this. She is still high maintainace, especially compared to her horizontal brother but she is much much easier.
For us, 2 was easier than 1, 3 easier than 2, I have high hopes as she’s just turned 4.

I made sure I had time on my own, and very occasionally time with my husband. But it’s really really really hard.

Xxxx

Hmm. Mine is 10 and still not straightforward.
I’m hoping I’m due an easy ride for the teenage years but I know that’s probably unrealistic

With my DD it got better around 4. She’s still very highly strung at 5 and prone to enormous tantrums, but they are fewer and she is slightly more reasonable these days. She’s also very bright and active (non-stop). We have signed her up for lots of activities as that seems to help. 18 months - 3 was very hard work, particularly once she dropped her nap at 3. Sympathies. I used to marvel at all the easy going babies/ toddlers who would do as they were asked first time. We used to have to brace ourselves every time we had to go anywhere/ leave as there would be a massive tantrum. My friends would just say ‘billy we’re going now’ and off Billy would trot. Couldn’t believe it!

Mine is 4 and still difficult. Obviously not as bad as when she was a baby and couldn't communicate, but still prone to tantrums and tears far more than my other DC or children her age. Bright and does well in nursery but at home very challenging. No developmental issues, it's just her personality.

Things got easier when he started to talk and the better his speech got the easier he got. It's so hard though.

I felt things got easier at 3 and then now my youngest is turning 4, I really enjoy my children's company. I didn't enjoy the early years at all.

My DS2 was a very difficult baby, toddler and young child, he’s 16 now and a really lovely, easy teen. It does get better OP, but it is hard I know, DS2 was the reason there was never going to be a 3rd a baby, I know every child is different but DS1 lulled us into a false sense of security.