When did your difficult baby stop being difficult?

[RainbowsandSnowdropss]

DD is 18 months now and I honestly think there is something wrong with her.

It’s been awful from the start. Colic, very hyperactive. Cried all day everyday for a year basically. She’s frustrated all the time. Very highly strung personality although she is very bright.

I just can’t cope with her. We have no life. It’s ruining our marriage. I can’t do anything. She hates the car/ pram still. I try to take her out but it all ends in tears, I can’t even get her to put coat/ shoes on without a huge meltdown.

When will it stop? Everyone else’s children seem so relaxed and I envy them. I feel like we’ve had such a hard time.

My difficult baby grew into a difficult toddler and a then a difficult pre-schooler.
I love her but my god she's hard work. Hoping school will help as she's bright and seems to do much better with authority figures that aren't me.

Love all the replies here. Good or bad! Hoping for an experience similar to @evilharpyinapeartree as your DD sounds quite similar to how my little girl is now.

I can say though, that I posted this during a particularly bad time as DD has come out with chicken pox today. So I’m wondering if she’s been feeling under the weather this last week.

I had a day to myself today shopping with a friend, it was lovely. I saw lots of chilled out kids whilst out being pushed around in their prams while the Mums shop. Always makes me look on in disbelief! I hate that I have this anxiety about taking her anywhere when everyone else makes it look easy. I feel like I’ve failed.

I’m going to read up on those toddler tips posted. I’ve already started asking stuff like ‘which coat would you like to wear’. It’s helping, although I’ve still had to run after her to put it on!

I do think she is very intelligent ha, I know everyone says this but she really is very switched on. Always has been from a young age. She is so incredibly active, more so than any baby/ toddler I’ve met. I think she will definitely need an outlet or sport as she gets older.

I adore her obviously but like a PP it has scared me off having anymore which makes me feel incredibly sad.

I know it can be really hard not to compare your child to others, especially if they are seemingly easier/more well behaved. You haven't failed and please don't let it stop you going out!

I had a second daughter and so far she is completely different - very easy to care for and communicate with.

I hope she's feeling better soon and that things get easier for you as she grows.

OMG I so feel for you!

My dd was magic but exhausting. Slept in 45 minute bursts and scrambled out of bed at 5 am demanding to go outside.

Allegedly I screamed and sobbed through the first two years of my life so I had to go with it. I tried working for a year or so but the childminder handed dd back suggesting that both she and dd might benefit from a break. DD had mysteriously acquired the phrase "oh for goodness sake". Had to be held, no pushchair, escaped from car seat, ran away and hid in the woods, wouldn't leave the house in the morning. Wouldn't leave school at hometime. Had a dozen imaginary friends who had the most raucous adventures. Hyperactive hypersensory hyperfun if you can keep up.

We used "the incredible years" book. School provided lots of support. I booked her onto lots of activities to keep her busy (and to give me time to snatch sleep). My biggest plank of support was repeating to myself "N O spells I love you".

She is pure mile-a-minute magic though. At secondary school now. I think it got easier about yr 6? I went back to my career last year after a ten years break, while she was at school I ran the Preschool then the pta then sports class after school. Kept me sane and fitted around her needs.

My youngest is 7 now and is usually fairly easy to manage now: well behaved, funny, kind, chatty, willing to learn, helpful etc and is easy compared with the eldest who has adhd and some traits of autism.

As babies and toddlers though it was the complete opposite. The eldest was a dream baby who fell into an easy and reliable routine, would lay on the floor for hours and not need much entertaining, fed really well and hardly ever cried.

The youngest had reflux and cried almost all the time. Hardly took any milk, constantly sicked it back up, was a very fussy eater, hated being left alone, had no semblance of a routine, caught every chest infection going and had tantrums from Hell. It changed slowly and gradually over about 3 years and just mellowed. By about 4 life was easy again (until the issues with the eldest became more clear...)

My youngest is 23 now and still adding to my grey hairs! She was a challenge from day 1, and while I loved her I didn't like her a lot of the time when she was little. As others have said, her frustration at not being able to communicate as a baby was a big part of her anger and upset. As she grew her defiance, defensiveness and sibling rivalry with her laid back sibling became the issues.

She's never had a haircut, the tantrums were epic if we ever tried, and we had to buy her shoes while she was asleep in her buggy, and sign a disclaimer in Clarks to say they hadn't been fitted professionally and we couldn't have a refund. My sister once famously said DD would one day be prime minister...or a serial killer!

When she was old enough DH got her out doing loads of sport which was a big help and is still important to her now. I developed strategies with her to get her on-side, mainly using humour, that helped.

I have to quote a pp now She is also very clever, imaginative, sociable and totally gorgeous. Never a dull moment. No one else has ever made me laugh or cry as much as she has and I love the bones of her. She's now working in film and television, currently between jobs and taking it out on us, as per, but I wouldn't change her for the world.

My second son was like this and I nearly had a breakdown I’m sure- I went to a very dark place as everything was just so much hard work. I agree with what other people said and 3 seemed the turning point, he is now 3 and a half and I would say things are “normal” for want of a better word, he is the same as his peers. You have my sympathy but it does get easier

This was our situation. Very tough indeed.

We saw huge improvement from 4 yrs old (now nearly 5). The last year has been really lovely actually. We're now in the calm after the storm!

There were many tines I too, thought there was something 'wrong' with my son. He is also very bright and determined.

Prime minister or serial killer! That made me laugh.

I tell myself that being headstrong and having a will of iron will be amazing for her when she's a young woman - it's just so hard to parent while she's little!

My daughter was angry with the world from being a baby up until four. We tried everything to keep her calm and nothing at all worked (or maybe everything worked but just took time to kick in?) Tantrums were constant, seemingly completely unreasonable ("I wanted an apple and you've given me an apple but now I want a banana"), were violent (biting, kicking) and noisy and lasted for an hour or more. Then a year before she started full time school she gradually mellowed and now she's a delight to be around. I don't know what changed, probably just a developmental thing. Hang in there!! It will become less intense.

This post really resonates with me. DD is one and has been extremely highly strung from birth. Screams constantly, had horrendous colic, not happy anywhere for more than a minute or two, just insanely demanding. It's utterly relentless and exhausting. She was up for two hours in the middle of the night last night as well. Need light at the end of the tunnel.

I also get anxiety about taking her anywhere as it's always hard work and a meltdown and no way can we have another. We just couldn't cope.

Our difficult one is 4 and we are still waiting for it to get better.

Dd was like this. She slept through at 3 and was easier by then. By 4 she was fine and has been since. Lovely in fact. She's nearly 13 now

My first was chilled so at least i knew it was just how she was and not my fault

I was told by primary school that my dd who was like yours as a baby had really good social skills and could get on with anyone. My chilled baby less so

DS probably changed around 2 1/2. Prior to that I just couldn’t cope. He didn’t sleep, wouldn’t go in a car seat or a pram. He just had to be in a sling constantly, even to sleep. It was the hardest time in my life because everyone thought it was my doing. Luckily I came across the Dr Sears High needs baby book and that changed so much for me. Partly because it gave helpful tips but mostly because I felt like I wasn’t alone. I joined some of the Facebook support groups and reading about other people having identical experiences made life seem more bearable.
DS is now 5 and while he is very full on he is an absolute treasure and laughs hysterically when I tell him about all the things he didn’t like as a baby.

Until 3 my dc2 was honestly a dickhead. She's amazing now , hang on in there. It honestly does get better.

8 months old he woke up happy one morning after crying constantly

My 18 mo DD is the exact same as your description of your DD.
She is very intelligent but no words yet, I'm wondering if that is adding to her frustration.

Has your DD always been like this?

Strangely, my DD was a model baby, placid, calm, always smiling and loved people. But one morning she woke with a new personality and she has never gone back to how she used to be.

My second child is like this. He’s 2.5 and has screamed since he was born. He’s very loving but very clingy and doesn’t need a reason for a tantrum. I thought being able to speak would solve some of the problems but it just meant he could shout at us and give us his demands more. I wish I had the answer. I love my son, he is ridiculously clever but I think that’s part of the problem. I have hope that by three or four he’ll stop this behaviour. My mum recently said she’d never seen a newborn scream like him before (midwives would come running when I changed his nappy because his scream was so alarming) but she also points out his behaviour is only challenging with me and his dad. I’m sending some strength and lots of caffeine.

I have to run after my 18 month old as well to dress her. I just close the door to her room so she can't go far and we do it in there, and tbh I just put the TV on for 5 mins (if that) as it totally distracts her and allows me to get her clothes on.
Mine also hates the pushchair so I just let her walk everywhere. I recently got her a trike with a handle I can steer which is working really well.
I would honestly just avoid the things that seem to cause her upset and they are easily distracted at this age which is a blessing.
My DD has always been far from easy but I love her attitude to be fair! She's a lot like me!

Still going. He's 3.5 so technically a difficult preschooler as he was toddler and baby. He's my 3rd. His 2 older sisters were never this hard. I'm hoping it'll get easier with age but so far that's not been the case.

My eldest DD was like this as a baby and young toddler - from day 1 (well, probably day 16) she seemed to find everything overwhelming and stressful when other babies seemed not to. She's now 3.5 and undergoing autism assessment, although I don't doubt that many difficult babies turn out to be neurotypical - one of the reasons we have waited until now for the assessment is that the agencies we spoke to all said she'd probably "grow out of it" at some stage (now of course most agree there is "something").

When she was 18 months, we had DD2 who conversely finds most things about the day to day a breeze, and when she has a wobble she can actually be distracted out of it. When I spend a morning alone with her (she's almost 2) I often have a moment of thinking, "Ah, so THIS is why other people enjoy parenting" Had no idea!

A lot of it seems to stem around communication. They stop being difficult when their language skills sufficiently develop because they’re able to understand and make you understand so there’s no need for that anymore.