When is enough enough? Breastfeeding

[Thebabyhaslanded]

Much longed for DS arrived 16 weeks ago after multiple losses, all I wanted to do was breastfeed.
It's been horrendous. I have pcos and this week I've found out it might be causing low supply.

From birth we hadn't had more than an hours sleep in a row so I think it was 6 weeks he was offered a formula bottle.
That built up to around almost full bottles and I felt awful and as I had pnd with my.first I worked hard and still am working to get my supply back. He currently has 2 bottles of.6 oz a day.
I cannot get him off them, I want to ebf.

I've had problems all along, been through health visitor, peer support, and numerous facebook groups. Had help with latching and positioning. Everything is beautiful apart from my supply.

A lactation consultant has been out to help me, and she was amazing. Although said to not give him formula any all but when he is screaming in hunger and I'm crying too I just dont know what to do, and I give it to him and pump myself and get nothing. And then I think no wonder he is starving.

A week on and I'm on fenugreek, choline instiol, garlic, milk thistle and I started domperidone 3 days ago. And it's a feed pump play sleep feed pump play sleep cycle. Although I get nothing when I pump.

However, I've just given ds his second bottle of the day and yet again he Wolfed it down. He is so unhappy, he cries, he whines, he whinges and he is such a unhappy little boy he wasnt like this on full bottles 7 weeks ago. It was me and my guilt and my dream to ebf and now wonder if I am failing my DS.

I just dont know what to do, i just want to enjoy my baby. Everyone keeps saying what's the point he will be on solids soon and I'm back to work in july.

I just feel absolutely broken. If anyone can offer any advice or experiences either way I'd be so so grateful.

Switch to formula. Enjoy your baby.

You poor thing, this sounds exhausting. I would say that I don’t think there is any correlation between how much you pump and how much baby gets - they’re been designed to get the food they need into them. I struggled massively with feeding my first until she had a tongue tie snipped at 13 weeks. She then fed well. But I do regret how fucking miserable I was throughout that period. Expressing is the absolute worst! Breast feeding is obviously important to you (I felt the same and I totally get it), but please don’t let it ruin your mental health or your relationship with your beautiful baby. Feeding is just one small part of being a mum. Baby will be happy whatever you decide, but your happiness is important too! Good luck.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with bottle feeding your baby at 16 weeks. You can still cuddle him! You've done your best with breast feeding, apparently babies receive antibodies from their mother's colostrum and milk in the first two weeks. For goodness sakes, never mind the breast feeding consultant. You will almost certainly find your baby is more content with bottle now.

It doesn't sound worth it to me. Let him have formula and start enjoying him.

It sounds like you have had a pretty tough time but don't be hard on yourself. It's not easy establishing breastfeeding when there is so much that can effect supply and latch.

What time of day are you trying to express and how are you doing it? Between midnight and 3am your milk production increases or first thing in the morning is a good time to try. Having baby near or a photo / video will help. You need to be comfortable and relaxed if possible. If baby latches at all its worth expressing from the other at the same time or using a milk collector at the same time as again your milk will flow more. Babies are far more efficient at getting milk so dont get too disheartened if you cant get much. Keep engaging with the lactation consultant if you can. LaLeche also offer great support and advice over the phone, in groups or on their website.

Have you been doing skin to skin before they are due a feed? If you can get lots of skin to skin time in a comfortable feeding position so.your all relaxed before trying. I don't know if a lactation consultant would recommend it but it might be worth trying nipple shields to see if baby finds it easier to feed with one after being used to a bottle. I was told.using one would effect my supply but after 8/10 weeks it didn't at all. I was able to wean him off them and onto a regular latch too with support

Thank you, how to I get over the fact I wanted to make a year.

I think that might knock on my mental health more than things are right now

You've BF your baby for three and a half months. That's a fantastic achievement in itself. Please take a look at rhis post by MamaDesigns on Instagram. She talks about her struggle to BF her third baby after finding no.1 and 2 a breeze, and how she came to the realisation and acceptance that nothing she could do was going to result in the BF experience she had imagined.

My DD is 15 weeks and it's a really lovely age. You've done so well, but it's ok to move to formula and on to the next phase in your feeding journey.

I'm in the opposite situation to you, my supply is great but my son won't stay latched or focused enough to feed. I didn't even realise he wasn't getting enough milk until he was hospitalised for rapid weight loss.

Like you, all I wanted to do was breastfeed and I thought I was doing so well (he's 14 weeks old)

I have to pump and give him my expressed milk via a bottle and sometimes top up with formula. I have become depressed as though I've failed my son. Which is ridiculous, but that's how I feel

So I do understand how you're feeling, to keep my supply up:

Drink plenty of water - honestly it will do you the world of good

Multi vitamin

Heathy diet. I personally eat a lot of dairy, I don't know if this helps specifically but my supply was consistent even when my baby wasn't effectively feeding - it really should of dropped

I have either some toast, nuts, biscuits, fruit between feeds

Ladies on MN recommended fenugreek, but I haven't tried that

If you do need to move onto formula please remember that you have and you still are doing amazing

It's damn hard to breastfeed and it doesn't always work out, even when we try our best. In my case I have to put my baby first as I unintentionally caused him to lose weight

You have to be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to stop. EBF was your goal, but it didn't work out, and it isn't because you didn't try. Your baby will be just as happy and continue to thrive however you feed him. Being happy and content yourself is very important to you both.

Thank you.

Yep do the skin to skin, he latches and feeds amazing he wouldn't take to a shield at all, I spend most of my life skin to skin..I dont pump at night as he feeds two hourly and co sleep.

It's just all relentless.

I shall have a read of the Instagram page now

It's hard, I had a nightmare getting there and sad 8-9 weeks was my limit, thankfully I got there, but know it could have been different.

I hired an electric pump and pumped ever 2hrs to get my supply up, I also did express pumping, 20mins, 10 off, 10 on 10 off 10 on to mimic cluster feeding.

Speak to your nearest le letche league, they were more help than the lactation lady I saw.

But ultimately it's your choice, and you need to be happy. If formula gives you the time to be with baby do it. Remember you both need to be happy and find that balance.

I'm thinking of doing 2 more weeks and if the domperidone doesn't help in that time I'll have to give up

He might be feeding so much to boost your supply. Only you know when enough is enough and if you do decide that it's enough it's ok. It's great he had a good latch and feeds ok. Just keep offering boob before bottle where possible but don't let wanting to breastfeed effect your mental health or your enjoyment of your baby. Fed is best whether ebf, combi or formula

You’ve already done far better than me who is about to give up after only 2 weeks
Mine can be on the boob for hours and still winge like he’s starving . We give him a bottle and he's full and falls straight asleep so I think I’m wasting time with bf now.
Don’t beat yourself up over it.

Just realised your babies age and they might be going through sleep.regression too. my baby is 17 weeks and started waking to feed every 2 or 3 hours from 15 weeks

@Comps83 your baby is likely to be building your supply. I felt exactly the same as you and sat in my living room crying my eyes out to dh thinking there was an issue. If you want to continue look into local breastfeeding support. There is so much you don't get told about breastfeeding.

Thank you.

Yep @comps I remember that stage, I do think it was harder then

I know where you're coming from, I only wanted to EBF my baby but from birth we had a few issues and were given formula top ups while still at the hospital and found it impossible to get him onto EBF, I ended up combination feeding him and it made me feel incredibly guilty, like I had failed him somehow, I got quite depressed about it. He's now 19 mo and I now look back and feel incredibly proud of the amount of time I did breastfeed him for, he's a happy healthy boy and him not being EBF has had no impact on him whatsoever.
I know it's disappointing when you can't do what you had planned and wanted to do, but I promise a few months or a year down the line you will look back and realise that it really didn't make any difference, be proud for how hard you tried x

Please don’t evaluate your supply from how much you can pump . I could never get anything, just a few drops not even enough to pc over the bottom of the bottle . But my babies and toddlers were able to get plenty out.

The only way to judge Input is by output - wet and dirty nappies. Baby way be whinging for other reasons such teething, nappy rash or just wanting you.

If baby is happier on formula, your life will be happier and easier too.
Formula isn't the devil's work.
I EBF my first child and it was bloody hard work.
I formula fed my second child from day one as I didn't have a choice as I'd had a bilateral mastectomy in the middle of the two.
My second child is literally identical to my first who was EBF.
Life is going to be full of major parent battles I'd go formula and let little man have what he's happy with - there's nothing wrong with that and you are no less of a person.

Btw I'm not saying give up if you want to still try for a while, just don't feel guilty if you reach the point where you decide you've had enough

A fed baby is best. Don't beat yourself up. It's not working, so switch to formula and don't look back. Enjoy him. He won't be this little for long.

We live in a country where formula feeding is safe for babies. You have done so amazing to get to this far, he has has loads of antibodies etc!

Please try and take a step back and recognise in years to come breast or bottle will just be insignificant.

Breastfeeding shouldn't come at the expense of everything else the baby needs - play, stimulation, sleep and most importantly a happy mum.

You also have to be able to live a life. When things aren't going well, breastfeeding (especially expressing) can be such a prison. It's ok to say enough is enough.

I'm in a similar boat to you, and the combi feeding is making us both much happier. It's not all or nothing - if you want to give some breast milk you can. Or you don't have to.

The paediatrician told me that breastfeeding up to the last set of jabs is a fantastic achievement, because you've given them an immune boost until they are immunised. You've done an amazing job.

You have done brilliantly, but you're putting too much pressure on yourself.
It sounds like he'd be very happy on formula, and that is fine.