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Original poster

When did you first leave baby?

57 replies

Lilkat · 12/01/2020 12:10

Just wondered what age everyone's littles were when you first went out without them? My husband really wants us to go out for a date night - just dinner and cinema and leave our lo with her gran. He wants us to have some us time and thinks it would do us "a world of good". I know where he's coming from, but I also don't want to leave my LG yet! She's almost 8 weeks so she's still tiny and no one else has looked after her yet.

I have to go back to uni at the end of this month so for a few days a week I'll have to leave her with family - and Im dreading it. I feel like these are my days to be with her without interruption, so I don't want a date night that will take me away from her!

But at the same time, if dh feels its something he needs and it's only for a few hours I don't want to ignore him, or make him feel pushed out.

Anyone else had this?

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Bipbipbipbip · 12/01/2020 14:44

10 weeks - I cried all the way home from the cinema because I missed him so much.

He's had a couple of overnights since then. TBH after about 9mo I'd leave him with just about any one to get a break!

Grandpoplar · 12/01/2020 14:49

I left our son with my husband for an evening out when he was 5 weeks old. But we don’t have any extended family support so we didn’t actually leave him in the care of anyone else until he was 11 months old when I returned to work. (He’s almost 3 and we still haven’t had a date night!!) But if you have the opportunity - go! You could always stay locally and keep it to a couple of hours. Then if you feel comfortable with that, arrange another date night

CalamityJune · 12/01/2020 14:51

About 5 weeks for an hour or so in the afternoon. 4 months was the first overnight at my parents' while we went for a meal for our wedding anniversary.

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nearlyfinished1moreyear · 12/01/2020 14:55

I let my mil take my son for a couple of hours at that age. When he was 6mths my mum had him overnight. Everyone is different though, do what your feel most comfortable with

CalamityJune · 12/01/2020 14:58

It can be hard but I looked at it this way: what if I was struck down and unavoidably had to be away from my baby for a short time. Would I rather suddenly fling my baby into a situation where he had never been looked after by anyone else, all the time wondering where mummy was, or have him looked after by someone whom he is comfortabek with and who is confident in looking after him, knowing his quirks etc.

Plenty of people on Mumsnet aren't fortunate enough to have wider support and enthusiastic childcare offers, so personally I have always tried to nurture these relationships so that DS is close to both sets of grandparents. He really benefits from it.

MooMummy12 · 12/01/2020 14:59

I left mine at 5 months for a couple of hours. We spent most of the time wanting to go back home to her 😂

Infamy · 12/01/2020 15:02

11 months for ds1 with Dp. First night out together about 18 months. With dd, it was longer - 2 I
Think. She was v clingy of me and they both bf and were bottle refusers.

It’s still v rare now due to no family that would offer and that we’d trust!

BlueEyedFloozy · 12/01/2020 15:04

#1 was 3 weeks when we went out for a lunch.

#2 was 18 months before we managed as she was a total cling on who got so upset and stressed when she was put down let alone or my sight - but then she was 9 weeks before she'd even tolerate DH holding her for more than a few minutes!

melissa1215 · 12/01/2020 15:13

Honestly, 3 weeks old I left my DS with my MIL for about 5 hours so hubby and I could have a date.

Looking back, probably a little bit too soon. I was breastfeeding and made sure he had enough milk pumped and we didn't go too far. I felt incredibly guilty and thought everyone was judging me even though no one actually was.

Idk if there is something wrong with me but I didn't have anxiety about anyone else looking after him though, I felt that he would be completely safe wit MIL or with my Mum. Never once doubted that.

ParkheadParadise · 12/01/2020 15:14

@CalamityJune
Your post is spot on.
When my mum was dying, I was able to leave dd with my inlaws(they took her on holiday) It meant I got to be at my mum's bedside and be with her when she passed away. If dd had not been used to staying with family i would not have been able to spend that precious time with my mum.

Iwillsleepin2020 · 12/01/2020 15:17

The point will come where you look forward to leaving her for a few hours of peace. That point is different for everyone.

I felt the same as you. People offered, I trusted the people who offered, I sort of wanted to get out the house without her but my wish to be with her overrode all of that. I don’t think it’s harmful or abnormal for mothers of small babies to want to be with them all the time. Ignore people who say you need to have a break or it’s a sign of anxiety/depression etc.

I first left my DD at 5mo for 5 hours so me and DH could go out for the day. Since that we hadn’t been apart until she recently started nursery (age 1). She’s been confident going to nursery with no signs of an anxious attachment to me etc. These are all things that people try to scare you with!

Enjoy a date night in and listen to how you feel

blueskiesbrighteyes · 12/01/2020 15:24

6 weeks. The couple on the table next to us were on their first post-baby date night too...6 months! We thought they were insane

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/01/2020 15:26

8 weeks

DesLynamsMoustache · 12/01/2020 15:27

@Iwillsleepin2020 Yes, this! For us, DH and I had had seven years of date nights and time just the two of us prior to her arrival and I wasn't really in any rush to leave her as I knew we would get our time together again in a few months, as we did. I certainly didn't have PND or anxiety; I'm the happiest and most relaxed I've ever been! I just didn't feel the urge or need to leave her. She's a very happy and confident little girl now who is happy to be left but they're tiny for such a short time, and I didn't really feel the need to be away from her when I didn't want to be. It's entirely normal so if you don't want to, you don't want to.

FWIW 11mo DD has never spent a whole night away from us or had anyone else to put her to bed except me or DH, except for a few weeks ago for our wedding my friend very kindly watched her for us in her home and her husband put DD to bed (my friend suggested they try but if DD wasn't happy they would just take her back downstairs with them). She went down absolutely fine and was fast asleep when we came to pick her up at midnight!

SaintGarbo · 12/01/2020 15:31

6 weeks overnight with my DM.

DP and I were meant to be going out for a meal. We went straight to bed to sleep !

20viona · 12/01/2020 15:38

We went to a party when my daughter was 13 days old so were gone for 2 hours. It was fine but I couldn't wait to get home. We went abroad for 3 days when she was 12 weeks and I cried before we went cuz I felt so guilty but it was so nice to enjoy time as a couple.

Firsttimemama2017 · 12/01/2020 15:41

My mum babysat while we went out for a meal when my daughter was about 4 weeks old. I wouldn't have been happy leaving her with anyone apart from her dad or my mum for quite a while though. However I'm not a mother whose ever felt the need to be constantly attached to my child so might not be the best person to comment!

Iwillsleepin2020 · 12/01/2020 16:08

@DesLynamsMoustache exactly how I felt! You’ve put it better than I could have about it being the happiest time and definitely not PND

Meshy12 · 12/01/2020 16:16

We went for one drink at our local when DD was 8 weeks old - I could only be apart from her for 2 hours max due to breastfeeding,

We then spent a whole day away from her for a wedding when she was 4 months old which was tough as I couldn’t even express enough - she was Comfortable in the hotel with my mum

But baby is 8 months old and she will start nursery soon and she is definitely ready for that - but it will still be some time before I’m ready to be apart from her overnight

Things become much easier once you reduce breastfeeding/start to wean - and the baby becomes much more Independent and curious at six months so it becomes easier

mindutopia · 12/01/2020 16:44

Dh and I went for lunch at the pub like 2 minutes walk from our house and my mum and stepdad stayed with our first one at 6 weeks old. I had a glass of wine, cried half way through lunch and we had to come home early, but she was fine. For a proper evening out, I don’t know probably closer to around 9-12 months, but she was ff. I couldn’t have done that with my bf one as he didn’t take a bottle.

Gillian1980 · 12/01/2020 19:03

Dd was 3 months and I found it really hard. I was emotional and me and DH ended up stressed and bickering on our night out. In hindsight it was too early and I wasn’t ready.

Ds is 7.5 months and we’ve not been out yet. Ds is ebf and very clingy, completely different from dd.

I don’t think there’s any right or wrong age, it’s about when you and the baby feel ready.

surreygirl1987 · 12/01/2020 19:12

I first left my son st 8 weeks old. Just for a couple of hours while my husband and I went to a restaurant a 5 minutes drive away. But I only left him because he was an amazing sleeper and I knew he wouldn't wake during the time we were gone.
Funnily enough, as he got older, when he went through sleep regressions I was less willing to leave him, as he would only resettle with a breastfeed. And even now, at 15 months old, I'd hesitate leaving him with my parents. It's not necessarily linear by age - it's whatever you're comfortable with at any given time. If you don't think you'd enjoy it and would worry too much, don't go. On the other hand, it might do you some good to realise you can leave the baby and she'll be absolutely fine. But only you can decide - don't let yourself get pushed into doing something you're not ready for :)

Lazypuppy · 12/01/2020 22:06

First date night was 4 weeks, my mum babysat at ours, we went for dinner and cinema.

First night she went to my mums for whole night was about 12 weeks i think.

I've always been happy to leave her with other people etc, i know some women don't.

You have to do what you are happy with.

Original poster

Lilkat · 12/01/2020 23:04

Thanks for all the responses, in the end we didn't go out today, I just don't feel ready and I wouldn't enjoy it, and if I were unhappy it would spoil dh's night too. We did go for a lovely forest walk as a family though!

We also took my lo round to my mil's because I really do want her to be close with them and I don't want her to suddenly wonder where mum is in a couple of weeks when someone else is giving her a bottle. It's just hard, I don't think I'm ready to go back to uni, but I'm so close to being done I know it's the best choice. Hopefully once I actually do it I'll realise it's not that bad.

OP posts:

AlphaElf · 13/01/2020 21:07

The right time is when you feel right.
DC1- 6 weeks (went out to dinner with DH)
DC2- 16 weeks (took DC1 to the park for an hour.)

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