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Parenting

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Original poster

Are you the kind of parent you expected to be?

58 replies

sazzybee · 28/08/2007 12:01

Prompted by another thread. I find myself (my DS is 5 months) being much stricter than I ever thought I would be and I'm quite surprised by myself. Although I obviously don't tell my DS off yet (he's 5 months FGS ) I have been very keen on introducing a routine from very early on and not bfing him at night if he's not having a growth spurt now he's capable of sleeping through. I think this is partly because I'm a single mum so need him to sleep and have a bedtime otherwise I think I'd lose my mind.

Are you more or less strict than you expected?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Pruners · 28/08/2007 12:25

Message withdrawn

claricebeansmum · 28/08/2007 12:25

Hundredtimes - I think you are spot on. I have always known that my DC feel loved and that home is safe where the bottom line is that they are loved - whatever.

Yes I get cross at thoughtlessness and selfish behaviour but I can now explain to DS (11) and DD (9) that the reason I get so cross with them is because I love them to much and I want them to be happy people with good manners & healthy outlook on life.

ahundredtimes · 28/08/2007 12:32

thank you clarice

I lose my temper, get grumpy, handle situations badly, am sometimes too strict, sometimess to lax and aren't nearly organised enough. BUT I am Good Enough because we are all still capable of having a laugh, I am good at apologising, I love them and they know it.

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nutcracker · 28/08/2007 12:34

No, I am crap compared to how I thought i'd be. I shout more than I thought I would, am stricter than I thought, and generally just don't enjoy it as much as I should.

twinsetandpearls · 28/08/2007 12:42

My problem is that good enough is never enough in any area of my life, never mind parenting. Although I do not think that my parentin is even good enough.

Hurlyburly · 28/08/2007 12:44

I am not anything that I expected to be. Strange how things work out. Things are pretty good anyhow.

FussyGalore · 28/08/2007 12:45

lol at morph, pruners

i spent about the first 6 months in dazed bewilderment that i hadnt just woken up as a mum on day 1. shocked the hell out of me. i hadnt even realised it, but i had fully expected that, upon the birth of my first child i would somehow change, on a molecular level, into .... someone who knew about responsibility and patience and calmness and nutrition and health matters etc etc etc. when i kept waking up as little old me, it was quite daunting actually.

FioFio · 28/08/2007 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsWeasley · 28/08/2007 12:50

No I have much less money than I ever thought possible.
I also spend too much time doing chores!

Blossomhill · 28/08/2007 12:58

Yes I am. Everything I do revolves around my children. I used to spend ages thinking that I wasn't good enough, didn't do enough etc etc. the turning point for me was a parenting course I did. It made me realise that although I am far from perfect I give 100% as a parent and really I can't do better than that!

Botbot · 28/08/2007 13:07

I've surprised myself by being much more laid-back than I thought I'd be. Before I had dd, I was convinced I was going to be really neurotic about everything - but in fact, I'm definitely more 'go with the flow'.

speedymama · 28/08/2007 13:16

I really surprised myself tbh. I was going to return to work full time, carry on with my pre-offspring life because they were going to fit in with me, not vice versa and they would do as they were told because as the parent, what I say goes. Right? Wrong!¬

I now work part time because I am no longer defined by my career.

My pre-offspring life is a distant memory and the last time DH and I went out on our own together was just before Christmas 2006!

My schedule is arranged around the twins and their needs take precedent.

I have refined my negotiating skills because sometimes 3yo twin boys will not do as I say and I have to decide which battle is worth winning and which is not. I will not compromise on the boundaries I have set but within them, I am flexible.

And you know what? I would not change a thing!

The one thing that has really surprised me is how patient I am but that might be due to the fact that I have twins.

mamadoc · 28/08/2007 13:16

Perhaps we had some weird psychic swop sazzybee. DD is also 5 months and I am much less strict than i thought I'd be. Whilst pregnant I read all the routine books thought LLL, slings, co-sleeping was a bit way out REALLY not me. I threw out the books by the 3rd week, bought a sling and really enjoy BF to the extent that I can see us carrying on for at least a year. When I heard my friend was still BF her DS at 18months I (privately) thought she was a total freak which I now feel really bad about.

TheMadHouse · 28/08/2007 13:26

I am totally nothing like what I thought I would be, but again I had really high expectations and no experiance of babys or children, therefore, I thought it was going to be all glowing and loving and that I could go back to work and be a supermum, wife and have time for me.

Yeh right - reality: We moved 300 miles, so that I can be a SAHM, gone are the suits, in are the jeans and combats, gone are the ready meals, in are the home cooked stuff, gone are the nights out and expensive holidays and in are cosy nights in and considering getting a tent.

I suffer with PND and have come to realised through my treatment, that I can not be good at everything and nor should I wish to be I just want to be a good mum and have a reativly happy family. Oh and I also do not want too be anything like my mum

SmileysPeeples · 28/08/2007 13:41

I thought I'd be so totally focused on my children I wouldn't want to do anything else.

In fact I've found that whilst they are always my central focus, around that I actaully like doing things without them, want to persue other intersts and frequrntlty think about other things.

I get very bored of 'playing' and cannot be arsed with craft activities etc. Bores me rigid.

I used to be a nursery teacher, so this was a big shock.

I now work part time in a different job, I love being a mother but am not the child focused earth mother I was expecting.

TheArmadillo · 28/08/2007 13:45

I thought I'd be much stricter, and also more Bree from desperate housewifes style.

That could not be further from the truth.

I am reasonably lax, and we have fun.

thegardener · 28/08/2007 18:42

Didn't really know how things would be with me being a mum, just have taken it one step at a time, i also feel like one of the other mums that my ds brings out the best in me, i do feel contented being a mum and love the routine we have with ds, i don't know how i would of coped without it

SueBaroo · 28/08/2007 18:55

More strict. I was anticipating being a real hippy, and I'm actually quite an old-fashioned disciplinarian.

[stern hair-drawn-back-in-a-bun emoticon]

Califrau · 28/08/2007 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babster · 28/08/2007 19:05

I imagined I'd be taking them around art galleries and teaching them them a second language by only speaking French on Tuesdays... instead I stick them in front of CBeebies and go on Mumsnet! Oh yes, and I shout too.

maman4 · 28/08/2007 19:13

Don t know if I m any good but am sure that dc will not hesitate to tell me what they think.oh yes.Can t wait¨hmm]

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 28/08/2007 19:17

Always expected to be a wee bit of a hippy but am a full on member of the AP club. That was a shock.

UCM · 28/08/2007 19:20

No, I am miles better in answer to the op.

Original poster

sazzybee · 28/08/2007 19:23

Actually I'm a lot more relaxed that I expected. I don't worry he's going to fall off his changing mat or drown in the bath (anymore - not since I nearly drowned him in that tummy tub thing )

I'm finding it really sad how many people think they're bad parents. The bad parenting I experienced was about being inconsistent, not keeping promises, achieving discipline through fear and making your kids feel that your love is conditional. Plenty of parents aren't as patient as they'd like - I don't think that makes you bad. Just human

OP posts:

Tinker · 28/08/2007 20:13

lol babster - me too about a 2nd language. Ha!

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