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Original poster

Do I have a right to be upset 😢

36 replies

Pinkflower23 · 04/01/2020 23:30

Hi all,

I had my first 2.5 weeks ago. On Christmas Eve me, my partner and baby had our first outing to get the last of our Christmas bits. Same as every year we took turns going into the card shop so neither of us could see what the other was buying.
Christmas Day came and I was only handed one card. A girlfriend card. I handed him two. A boyfriend card and a daddy card from baby. It upset me at the time but I let it go and continued to enjoy the rest of the day.
As each day goes on it upsets me even more. Especially now as I’m starting to put together her memory box. Inside is a my first Christmas card to daddy but not one for me.
I’m actually crying as I’m writing this! I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much. I get he must of had a lot on his mind with it being Christmas Eve when we went and the fact we have a new baby. I actually walked around the shop at the time looking at the mommy cards thinking which one is he going to buy me.
I feel like it’s a missed opportunity that I will never get back. Baby’s first Christmas and my first mommy card.

Anyone else in a similar situation or can see where I’m coming from. Please be kind. I’m very emotional and don’t think I can handle nasty comments.

Thankyou xxx

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 04/01/2020 23:33

You need to make your expectations clear about stuff like this. Don’t take it personally - remember your dear baby adores you and needs you more than anything. No card changes that.

Ginfordinner · 04/01/2020 23:34

It never occurred to either of us to send each other a card from DD when she was little. It feels like a big deal because your hormones are all over the place, and you are probably sleep deprived.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby Flowers

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/01/2020 23:37

At 2.5 weeks postpartum you're allowed to be upset about anything you want and people should be kind to you! I don't think this will matter nearly as much to you in a few months, but the hormones, upheaval and sleep deprivation of a newborn can magnify things dramatically. Congratulations on your baby - remember, you already got an amazing Christmas present!

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FredaFrogspawn · 04/01/2020 23:37

Sorry - I don’t mean ‘no card changes that’!

I meant -not getting a card doesn’t change that. And clear expectations are for your babies dad, not the few week old baby!

Megan2018 · 04/01/2020 23:38

It was our first Christmas too, DH forgot too. It is fine though, I’m further on than you as my baby was 12 weeks at Christmas. I’ve not thought about it until your post.
You are in the early crazy irrationally hormonal knackered bit. You really won’t care longer term.

Singlenotsingle · 04/01/2020 23:39

It's your hormones. This thing of getting a card from the baby is a new invention dreamed up by the card companies to make money. The baby doesn't know anything about it.

SebandAlice · 04/01/2020 23:39

Sorry op but this is not rational at all probably due to your hormones. I have never got a card from my baby or child until they were old enough to draw/make them. I hope you are feeling better soon. Flowers

zaffa · 04/01/2020 23:40

I cried every day for weeks two and three about everything. Everything seemed much more significant or sad than it ever had before.

I think it's sad you didn't get what you wanted - I also think pregnancy hormones have a much bigger impact than we realise ( my baby is four and a half weeks old - so this is very fresh in my mind). Today, I sobbed to my DH that he didn't sit with me whilst I was feeding DD so I felt like I had no one to talk to. Proper snotty sobbing. Even though he's using that time to prep bottles and do chores. But after I did the sobbing I felt better - so maybe tell him how you feel (and then forgive him)

Lalapurple · 04/01/2020 23:42

I've never heard of mummy and daddy cards. I expect your boyfriend hasn't either, so it's not something to be upset about.

Ohyesiam · 04/01/2020 23:44

It’s not you, it’s your hormones!
It feels like a big deal, but it really isn’t. It would never have occurred to me to do this.
You have your baby! A beautiful girl who you will watch grow up. You don’t need mementos to hold onto, you have her.
Huge congratulations Flowers

TheJoxter · 04/01/2020 23:44

I don’t think I’ve ever given my partner any kind of Christmas card since we’ve lived together, let alone specific boyfriend/daddy cards! But you’re hormonal and no doubt exhausted and it’s obviously very important to you so for that reason YANBU, have you explained to your partner that you’re upset about it? Tell him, then in future he should remember, he probably didn’t realise you were expecting him to if you hadn’t talked to him about it beforehand

msmith501 · 04/01/2020 23:44

Sorry but I'm more amazed that you got a card from your baby for Daddy.... the baby knows nothing about it, the daddy will known it's not from the baby and yet is supposed to act as if it is, the whole thing is frankly ridiculous. Even for a memory box that's supposed to be a collection of true things. Sorry but in this case, I think you are being hormonal or unreasonable.

Laserbird16 · 04/01/2020 23:45

Postpartum you are allowed to be as upset as you like, it's a crazy time.

From an outsiders perspective this is just mismatch in expectations. Have a sit down with your partner and let him know that you would really appreciate a card or letter from the baby. Also is it the firsts ie. Christmas, mother's Day etc that are important or is this your expectation going forward until your baby can start to do cards etc themselves? This will save a whole bunch of upset.

Congratulations, be very kind to yourself and just try to keep in mind everyone is trying their best...though sometimes a bit of guidance can make it better

Veterinari · 04/01/2020 23:47

Give him and yourself a break IP. There’s not really much point putting it in the memory box as really the card has nothing to do with your baby.

This is about you feeling validated as a mum. You need to have a chat with your DH - make your expectations clear about mother's day, birthday, Xmas etc if he fails after hat, then be pissed off

lisag1969 · 04/01/2020 23:47

Maybe see if you can find one on the internet and get him to write it for your memory box. Men just don't think like us. X

Chochito · 04/01/2020 23:47

You need to tell him. I would never in a million years have thought of buying something like that for my partner.

Your feelings are valid but this really isn't your partner's fault (or anyone's).

rm1234 · 04/01/2020 23:49

Wait until your little one runs in from school or nursery with the first card Christmas card/Mother's Day card etc for you that they have made themselves. That's a wonderful feeling!

Yascumbagyamaggot · 04/01/2020 23:50

This is baby blues. It isn't really about a card, it is about hormones being all over the place and being over tired. If you want anything sentimental make sure you tell your OH - men often need prompting - think of it as training ;-) Also take your mental health very seriously, tell your midwife if you feel unreasonably upset or weepy.

MurielTheCamel · 04/01/2020 23:52

This reminds me of my first Mother's Day as a mum, when I cried because although DH had got a card from baby DS who obviously knew nothing about it, he had only written "to mum from baby" in it instead of something more meaningful Blush

He did laugh at me a bit but to be fair he then did a DS handprint in the card and wrote that baby DS who knew nothing about it thought I was the best mummy in the world Smile

Don't worry about it, you are entitled to be hormonal and in a little while you won't mind so much.

rainbowlou · 04/01/2020 23:53

We never did this, I may have put all our names in DH’s birthday card but I don’t think they were kept!
Wait until they start nursery/school and you’ll have loads of gorgeous handmade cards, pictures, paintings, junk modelling, clay models and glittery offerings among others to treasure!
They’re old enough now to do it off their own backs and it means so much when they do 😊

Grandmi · 04/01/2020 23:57

My daughter had her baby recently and is on this journey on her own . I have tried to think of all the expectations that a partner would think of and it’s fair to say I didn’t give her a card from the baby! She hasn’t commented but I did get her a necklace to keep forever from her baby thanking her for being her Mummy. Try and accept that hormones are hideous for a while and try and keep everything in context...congratulations.X

Strongmummy · 04/01/2020 23:58

My first reaction was 🙄 however, if stuff like this means a lot to you then you need to be clear to your partner. At the end of the day however, the only thing your baby cares about is that it’s safe and loved

joggingon · 04/01/2020 23:58

You're allowed to be upset about a kettle shining too brightly in the 1st 4 weeks but give DH a break. He's not been remiss. You're baby hasn't neglected you.

FrogsFrogs · 05/01/2020 00:01

It's hormones.

Did he get you a nice present?
Is he pulling his weight with the baby?

I only found out that gifts bought 'from' little kids are a thing 2 weeks ago from work colleague. I would have no idea it was a thing, in all honesty.

Talk to him?

fringeforever · 05/01/2020 00:01

It's just not occurred to him. Let it go but You better make sure he's aware of your expectations for Mother's Day lol