Do I have a right to be upset 😢

[Pinkflower23]

Hi all,

I had my first 2.5 weeks ago. On Christmas Eve me, my partner and baby had our first outing to get the last of our Christmas bits. Same as every year we took turns going into the card shop so neither of us could see what the other was buying.
Christmas Day came and I was only handed one card. A girlfriend card. I handed him two. A boyfriend card and a daddy card from baby. It upset me at the time but I let it go and continued to enjoy the rest of the day.
As each day goes on it upsets me even more. Especially now as I’m starting to put together her memory box. Inside is a my first Christmas card to daddy but not one for me.
I’m actually crying as I’m writing this! I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much. I get he must of had a lot on his mind with it being Christmas Eve when we went and the fact we have a new baby. I actually walked around the shop at the time looking at the mommy cards thinking which one is he going to buy me.
I feel like it’s a missed opportunity that I will never get back. Baby’s first Christmas and my first mommy card.

Anyone else in a similar situation or can see where I’m coming from. Please be kind. I’m very emotional and don’t think I can handle nasty comments.

Thankyou xxx

I think you do have the right to be upset - I would be and something similar happened to me 😅. I did get a card though...
We said we would get a gift from our new baby (3 months old) for each other. I took this very seriously and bought 4 beautiful gifts which cost a fortune and all very well thought out. One was even a personalized 'I love my daddy' book with photos of them together in it etc. My friend and my mum all had this conversation with him and I about gifts from the baby and he seemed to be listening 🙄. Well, I told him I'd bought him a few things from her for a couple of weeks before Christmas. I asked if she had got me anything and he said he had it under control... I asked last about 3 days before Christmas just hoping I'd get a key ring saying mummy or something - id have been over the moon tbh. So Christmas Day comes and he gives me a gift from her - she had already gone to bed as the day was busy. I was like, oh she should be here to 'give' it to me etc. He said no she doesn't and she 'has a dark sense of humor'. Er... our baby has a dark sense of humor? What?
He handed me the gift. Inside was a box from Ann summers. A cock ring.
Er
What?
Dark sense of humor! Apparently he didn't have a clue what to get and panicked and then thought he'd be funny about it. Well... I cried. I couldn't believe it!
There I was picturing my baby giving me her first gift - well I'm glad she was in bed as it's just weird and totally not funny! He was shocked I didn't find it funny and said he won't do it again 😂. I just wanted a key ring 🤷🏼‍♀️.
Anyway, I totally get the sentimental aspect of the gesture so yes, it's fine to be upset and he should have ordered you one as soon as he saw you got him one! Better late than never!

Yeah, men don't think of this stuff. Sometimes, women don't think of this stuff. You have to spell it out sometimes. Tell him that this stuff matters to you and hopefully he'll get you a card from the baby for your birthday.

Out of interest, when did it become a thing to get gifts from child to parent bought by parent?

Mothers / fathers Day yes but I feel like this is a newish thing? I literally found out about it a couple of weeks back.

Chances are op he had literally no idea this was an expectation? Talk to him x

Personally, I expect a card from little one written by his dad until he's able to write himself. It's nice to be shown that you're respected and adored as a mother or mother to his child rather than just as a partner.
Your hormones will be wild right now so you might be more upset than you generally would be.
But I have to say, I literally text my other half about a week and a half before Christmas saying "get me. Christmas cards."
I'm demanding!
😂

Sorry disagree with the posters saying remind him. If Dad is writing cards for baby/child which is obviously not from baby/child surely it dilutes the eventual homemade card from the child at age 3.

I didn't give and wouldn't have expected a Christmas card from ds/dh.

Think you need to let it go, it probably seems a big deal as you have a newborn, but it really isn't and you will see this in a few weeks/months and probably laugh at how upset you were.

Do give him the heads up you will be expecting a card and something twee saying 'to the best mum in the world' at mothers day (you can tell mines is 15 now and I have no idea where all those memory box things are!)

Would never occur to me to do this and guess it didn't occur to your partner either. Never did a memory box either so guess I'm just not that sentimental.

It would be a card from your boyfriend not the baby, it will be much more special when you get that first genuine card that they’ve either picked or made!
You are upset because your hormones are all over, whatcha sad film and cry them all out x

Aww bless you. Men need hints! Mine certainly has needed guidance. You sometimes have to tell them. I never had had a bunch of flowers brought for me before. I had to say really loudly to my one year old. Are you going to get mummy flowers for mother's Day?? Now I get what I want.

Just do a jokey hint next year and he should remember. I know it's sad he wasn't on the same page but honestly there is do much more to come. You wait until she's at nursery and making you little things 🥰 then you will have birthdays and mother's Day every year. Xx

As everything above, it’s your hormones. And being a bit precious about life being ‘perfect’ with a newborn. I don’t even get my OH a Christmas card, let alone one from my daughter. It’s a card.. a bit of paper.. wait until your baby is a toddler & comes running with a homemade one from nursery etc.. those are the cards you want to keep and treasure. Not a Clinton’s generic one that Dads written on behalf of a 2 week old! Plus, Christmas memories are about time spent together with family. No presents & cards. Print some lovely photos & out those in your memory box instead!

Is your OH being a good dad? Helping you with baby? Sharing nappy changes etc and being supportive? That’s the thing to really care about at this stage. And if things like this really mean that much, you need to tell your OH.. it probably didn’t even cross his mind! My OH is fantastic, wonderful Dad, shares parenting equally, cooks for us etc but something like Christmas cards doesn’t enter his mind. He’d send none if it wasn’t for me putting them on the table with a pen & telling him who to write them for 😂

Be kind to yourself OP. You’ll probably look back & laugh in a few months time

I can see why you’re upset but it’s nothing to get het up about in the big scheme of things.

I have two children aged 2.5yrs and 5.5years and this year my husband got a card for me off them, but it didn’t even occur to me to buy a “daddy” one for him. We don’t buy presents “from the children” either - it just seems so silly when the children are too young to read, write or choose presents. It just isn’t particularly meaningful.

Last year, when my eldest son was5, I got my first “happy birthday mummy” card and it was amazing because he’d drawn pictures in it of our house, our family, his favourite toys etc and in his 5 year old scrawl he’d written in a very wobbly line that he loved me.

I had tears in my eyes, it was wonderful.

In my opinion, those are the kind of cards that matter, not ones that have been picked and written in by the father.

However, your feelings are perfectly genuine because it does matter to you, but don’t hold it against your partner. Explain to him how you feel but don’t be mad at him