Newborn cries all evening - advice please!

[ZoJo1111]

Hello - I have just had my first baby - little girl who is now 2.5 weeks old. My heart is full of love for her ... but my god we are having some tough evenings! Mostly because every evening she cries pretty much solid for around 6 hours (8pm to 2am). Through the day she is a bit tricky to settle, but the evening is a whole different ballgame. And it’s so upsetting as I just want her to be content of course - but it’s a nightly battle that is so stressful and difficult.

Currently managing by Changing her nappy, breastfeed her, wind her, walk around with her, cuddles, skin to skin, top her up with bottle if she still seems hungry. Repeat cycle for 6 hours ... and she just cries and cries through it all, getting more agitated as the hours go on until finally she tires herself out and sleeps. (The silver lining is then she does tend to sleep for 4-5 hours which is good - but how can we get there without the terrible 6 hours first?!)

Last few nights we’ve added infocol drops for any possible colic, and added swaddling and a dummy and this has helped a bit (the dummy mostly I think as that soothes her, especially through things like nappy change) and this taken the kick offs down to the 4-5 hour mark. (We’re also waking her every 3 hours during the day to feed, so that’s she’s not slept all day or crazy hungry by the evening time).

Husband is going back to work Monday and I’m so scared how I’m going to manage these epic kick offs more solo as is current joint effort! Any advice at all on how I can shorten these crying sessions or reassurance that others have been through it, it’s normal and it gets better would be so so helpful. It seems to always be that late evening time of day, which I don’t know is of significance? (But she’s so young at 2 weeks old still). Thank you.

I feel like I don't have too much advice to offer, sorry! But I have a 3 month old and those early weeks are so tough. You're not alone. Everyone told me it would get better and I struggled to believe them but it's true!
I was going to suggest infacol but you're trying that - I stuck with that for a while until it seemed she longer needed it. My DD was also a nightmare in the evenings and I was a wreck, I absolutely dreaded it. She wouldn't sleep either, awake every time I put her down! I also found swaddling helpful, like you.
I asked my health visitor for advice as well, just in case she had any suggestions- perhaps try this? She showed me this thing called The Hold - you can google it. It's a position to hold the baby in which they really like, you move them in a figure of eight while doing it and it stops them crying. No idea why, but if you can get the hang of that it might be helpful!
You could also try a bath in the evening to break things up? This sometimes worked for me as well as she quite liked it.

Could it be reflux?

Obviously there will be different reasons and solutions, but this was my experience: my son cried incessantly from about 4 pm until about 9pm for weeks. I put him on B.Infantis drops from Biocare, and it stopped in two days. Obviously a gut issue. I didn't breastfeed (couldn't), and he was on Aptamil first, and then I switched to Nannycare about a week after he stopped crying.

Mine was the same, he had colic. Poor little lad. I had medicine for him prescribed by GP but it really didn't work all that well. Thankfully the colic disappeared but it did seem like a lifetime.

Have you tried white noise? We have a Gro Friend and it's amazing!

Is she trying to cluster feed during this time? Will she settle if fed each time she cries? Its hard now but it will get better

Is she pulling up her legs to her stomach when she cries?
We used colief drops and that seemed to help but didn't cure the colic.
If it is colic there is no magic cure unfortunately, just lots of love, cuddles, time and patience. I've been there and it's hell because you feel so helpless.
Could she have reflux? My daughter had reflux and colic together.
Get her checked out
It does get easier

Is she trying to cluster feed during this time? Will she settle if fed each time she cries? Its hard now but it will get better.

Cluster feeding is pretty normal at this stage OP.

If she seems hungry after a feed, it's fine to swap her back onto the first boob again. So feed from both sides and if you think she needs more, feed from the first side again and keep repeating until she's had enough.

This article from Kellymomm* on fussy evenings and cluster feeding might be useful OP.

And if The Hold/Tiger in the tree don't work and she won't feed. Try swaddling, white noise, putting her in a sling and walking around the house or if all else fails send DH out with her in the car/sling/pram to see if that I'll get her off.

One other thing to try is feeding her every 2 hours in the day instead of 3, it might just yank her up a bit more so that she gets through it.

If she has any other symptoms like mucus in her poo, there may be something else going on.

Thank you for all these comments - really helpful.
So it sounds like evenings are generally a fussy time so she fits that pattern.
I would say her legs do clench up so there may be some colic there - so will keep using the drops. She does have a lot of dirty nappy’s (10 a day) so maybe digestive system is struggling a bit. Will take her to baby clinic to get her checked out. I wonder if because I’m breastfeeding but topping her up with formula, it’s bad for her digestion? To mix the two? Ideally would like to do it all with breastfeeding but sometimes she will breastfeed for an hour and a half in one go and still cry with hunger after so have had to resort to formula top up )
Sounds like White noise helps - I’ve been using an app on my phone but just bought a gro friend as per your recommendation to be delivered tomorrow so that might work better.
She does sleep for her longest period a day afterwards so that fits cluster feeding. So perhaps I need to ‘lean into’ that more rather than fight it. Just keep feeding her, soothing her (and prep myself for it by trying to have a nap late afternoon and a decent meal so I have more energy for it).
There’s reassurance here that it won’t last forever! Is so hard when it’s consuming my every day like this and as she’s my first I’m panicking that it’s never going to pass and this is life with a baby for foreseeable future as I haven’t had the experience of getting through this before. But will just take it day at a time and hopefully start to see the volume of these tricky hours decrease. Thanks again for all advice, really very helpful.

I'd maybe limit the top ups for now, while still establishing your supply if you want to keep bf. At that tiny it's normal to feed for hours all evening to help your supply increase, so it's not that after 90 minutes she's still hungry because you've not got enough milk, she's doing it to help your body know to produce more. If you substitute with formula your body won't get the same signal.

Classic time for cluster feeding. Just get settled on the sofa and latch her on. They can feed for hours in the evening at this stage. Forget the dummies and bottles - just feed feed feed.

10 nappies is fine in a breastfed 2 weeker.

Sorry posted before I'd finished.

The first few weeks are really, really tough. They can be hellish with a baby who cries a lot. My first had horrible colic and reflux and cried round the clock and I felt like I was losing my mind. You have my full sympathy. We also found infacol great, but worth speaking to GP about trying baby gaviscon if there's potentially silent reflux.

It sounds like you're doing brilliantly. I know it doesn't mean much in the moment, but it WILL get better and easier. Every day you get through is another day closer to a bigger, happier baby!

When she feeds for hours at a time it is not necessarily that she is hungry but she needs to this to up your supply so you have enough milk for her coming needs.

What happens if you just settle down in the sofa with drinks and snacks and feed, feed, feed?

When she feeds for hours at a time it is not necessarily that she is hungry but she needs to this to up your supply so you have enough milk for her coming needs

^This with bells on OP. It's very, very unlikely that she's hungry, especially from what you've said.

I would just keep feeding and alternating sides till she's had enough. Little babies live being with you.

I used to have a Moses basket nearby but on the whole at this age I just fed in the evenings and DH kept me supplied with drinks and snacks.

Hiya, my dd had awful colic so I feel your pain -it was hell! We used dentinox colic drops as I found infacol and colief didn't do anything. Also, when you give top up feeds of formula you could try using an anti colic bottle. It worked wonders for us. I didn't bf (dd wouldn't latch) so we put the dentinox in the bottle for each feed and the crying stopped within a few days. Good luck xx

My first guess was cluster feeding. DS was like this. I spent my evenings on the settee feeding, feeding, and feeding. I'd stop the top-ups and just keep putting her to the breast.

Just keep feeding, this was my mantra during the first few weeks with both my babies. Cluster feeding isn't about feeding it's about building your supply up, but also it's the only thing baby knows how to do to bring comfort, so will do it relentlessly in the early days. It does get easier, I promise.

Your supply isn't going to run out, so dont worry about hunger. Make sure you drink plenty of water, eat as much as you want to, and keep lansinoh on hand for if your nipples get sore (that too will get easier, in a couple of weeks).

ZoJo1111 as many people are saying she's cluster feeding which is nature's way to improve your breast milk supply.

If you top up with formula your supply won't increase.

If you want to mixed feed that's fine obviously.

However what your baby's doing isn't forcing you to top up with formula. She and your body should (if you wish to exclusively breastfed, which obviously is your choice) be working in harmony to increase your supply and she is doing her part completely normally and healthily.

She should be feeding all evening for hours and hours.

Until the baby is about 6 weeks you set yourself up on the sofa at 6pm and the baby essentially stays on your breast til you go to bed. You watch loads of Netflix or read loads. You chat to your OH and he brings you endless cups of tea, glasses of water, snacks, and holds the baby if you need the toilet/ to stretch your legs, need half an hour without a baby attached.

You don't have to breastfeed or exclusively breastfed, but if you want to, then just settle in and let her feed for six hours in the evening. It's completely normal and will pass in a few weeks.

Thanks for these comments - all so helpful.
Ok so it sounds like it could be a cluster feeding situation and I need to stick it out with the breastfeeding - even if it’s long feeding sessions. I’ve been worried I’m not giving her enough when she still cries at the end, but maybe she’s just not done ... and I need to just keep offering more. Will try this tonight and hopefully that will change ratio to more feeding and less crying!

I agree with PP- you're in cluster feeding land. Try and relax as much as possible and get your DH to bring snacks and drinks while you nurse. Box-set time!

Your post brings back many memories for me. I do think it is normal and I'm pretty sure I breastfed almost constantly from 5pm - 9/10 in those early days. My little boy suffered with colic and reflux but the treatments I'm not sure made much difference. But I do promise it does pass and get easier! I learnt how to breastfeed laying down and it was a game changer. I'd feed this way early evening and get some sleep, making the broken nights and early starts easier. Wishing you all the best and keep going, you've got this x

Also I just wanted to second what others have said about the bottle feed, it'll do no harm at all. Just don't fall into the trap your milk/supply isn't enough-it definitely is. When in doubt put to the breast. The constant feeding isn't forever and I really struggled with breastfeeding overall but persevering for me turned out for the best as so much easier to feed on the go wherever you are, less stuff to carry etc.

My second had terrible colic. Infacol was pretty useless - meant he just cried from 6-11pm for his first 12 weeks but we buttoned down and suddenly one day he just stopped and he's now super happy and an awesome sleeper! Hang in there.

My middle one did this and I think it was over-tiredness.
Have you seen/worked out yet that they can only manage about 90minutes awake time? It’s not very long!
I’d have to sling/buggy and walk mine at about 5pm to get a nap in or there would be big trouble in the evening!