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Original poster

Partner going on holiday

40 replies

Mummysarah12 · 01/01/2020 14:11

Interested to know others views on this:

My partner & I have an 8 month old baby. He has just asked me if he can go on a boys holiday in February for 1 week to Dubai. The thought of being on my own for a week fills me with me dread - our baby isn’t sleeping through the the night yet & I am exhausted. He also works a job where he works long hours so his time at home with us is already limited. He has told me he really wants to go but a whole week on my own with the baby just makes me feel so scared. I don't want to be a girlfriend who tells him what to do, we don’t have that sort of relationship (pre-baby this would be no issue at all) but I really don’t want him to go! Am I being unreasonable if I say no to him going?

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 01/01/2020 16:32

Lots of people will tell you this is absolutely fine and it is if you get to go off and do the same with your mates. But personally I wouldn’t be happy.
My husband only gets 4 weeks off a year (3 really as he has to take a week at Xmas) and under these circumstances I’d have no idea why on earth he’d want to spend it with his mates and not his family. It’s something I hear a lot of and just don’t understand. He has weekends away with friends (same as me) but his work holidays are for family. Also there’s the money issue as well.
So yes I agree with you entirely but I suspect some people won’t.

modgepodge · 01/01/2020 16:38

I agree. My husband has been away with work for 5 nights when our baby was around that age and it was bloody hard work. I wouldn’t be happy about him going away for a week without us for fun.

What would he say about you going away for a week and leaving him with the baby? Would you want to do that? If you’re confident he’d say absolutely not then that’s an easy comeback I think. If he would be ok with it, but you wouldn’t want to go, it’s a bit harder to use...! But my bet is he wouldn’t think it was ok at alll...

MrsMillerbecameababy · 01/01/2020 16:40

My husband used to work away when my older two were a small toddler and baby under one, so on the one hand it's completely manageable although tiring but on the other hand work is for the family, a boys holiday is a big ask for something only of benefit to him. He probably won't come home refreshed but even tireder than usual so probably won't take over all baby duties for 48 hours as soon as he comes back either.

I don't think you're unreasonable to be annoyed he even wants to go and dump 24/7 non sleeping baby responsibility on you for a boys holiday.

Are you breastfeeding? Would you go away for a week? Would he believe you if you said you wanted to go away with the girls/ alone the week before, so fairs fair and he has the baby solo the week before he goes away?

What's the financial impact? Why Dubai anyway?

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Bluerussian · 01/01/2020 17:19

Your partner doesn't need to go, it isn't work, and it is unfair for him to leave you for a week with a baby.

Rollonspringtime2020 · 01/01/2020 17:20

Ask him which week is best for your girl's trip?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/01/2020 17:25

Can your finances handle it? How much time alone without the dc do you get and would he do the same for you if you wanted to go away?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/01/2020 17:28

My husband went on a boys trip when our LO was 7 months old- I was fine until I caught norovirus at which point I was fucking fuming and throw it in his face to this day. Not sure what the answer is. Do you have family around to help you in that time?

Lllot5 · 01/01/2020 17:29

Depends what he’s like when he’s at home I suppose.
At the risk of sounding like a stuck record mine was fucking useless. He didn’t do anything with a 8 month old. The house would have been tidier.
But I have to say a week in Dubai in a boy’s jolly up wasn’t a thing when mine were little.

anothernamereally · 01/01/2020 17:37

I'd be fine with it and my dh went to the us when ds was a similar age but if you're not then ask him not to go or work out how you can make things easier that week and ask him to sort that - meals prepped, cleaner etc

ineedaholidaynow · 01/01/2020 17:39

Does this use up your holiday budget?

I can't imagine DH wanting to do a long haul holiday which didn't involve family

northernknickers · 01/01/2020 17:50

Absolutely ask him which week is good for him to be at home with the DC while you go on your girls holiday.

Your answer to HIS question about the boys trip ENTIRELY depends on his response to that question.

Ask it seriously...and mean it!

Bol87 · 01/01/2020 21:48

I wouldn’t be thrilled. Perhaps slightly different it was a best mates stag or something but not just a lads holiday cos he fancies it.. a week is a long time. My other half has the odd weekend away as his best mates don’t live nearby & equally, I get child free time with my friends too but holidays are now family ones. That’s just life since having a child, our little family takes priority! Dubai isn’t exactly a short flight away & I imagine pretty expensive.. can you afford it? Can you also afford a family holiday altogether?!

sue51 · 01/01/2020 21:52

Life changes when you have a baby. His lads holiday can wait till your baby is sleeping through the night, you don’t feel exhausted and after your own solo relaxing holiday.

Tigger001 · 01/01/2020 21:58

You need to be Frank and honest with your partner, my DH would be mortified if he thought I said I was fine with something, when really I was scared or worried.

Its not about being the cool relaxed girlfriend, its about being honest with him and yourself. It's not like you would be asking him to say just because people think he should

Hes not in the wrong for asking but you are not in the wrong for saying you would prefer him at home.

Lipperfromchipper · 01/01/2020 22:00

Yabu for assuming you can’t cope on your own OP...plenty of women do! My dh went back to work for 3 weeks (he works 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off) when our first baby was 1month old and I coped, I survived and still did when we had DC2. BUT...that being said YANBU if it will mean less time off with you and baby or if you cannot financially afford it!!
If he is going get him to clean the house first and stick up the freezer with dinners. Make sure it’s in your budget to order a few take seats too!! Make a plan for yourself for the week, like...
baby groups,
call over to a friends one day,
have another friend over to yours?
Go to town for a walk and lunch another day! Soft play?
are your parents nearby? Could you stay with them 1night perhaps?
Before you know it the week will be over!

Expressedways · 01/01/2020 22:02

Can’t his friendship group compromise on a long weekend somewhere only a short haul flight away instead? I don’t think it’s fair to tell him he can’t have a holiday without you, assuming he’d do the same for you of course, but a week in Dubai seems really excessive both in terms of money and time.

Lipperfromchipper · 01/01/2020 22:05

Stock up not stick up
Take aways not take seats 🤣

Slomi · 01/01/2020 22:51

I managed for a week at a time on a couple of occasions when my DD was under a year and my partner had to go abroad for work. She was and is a terrible sleeper and very high energy so it was exhausting. If DP had asked to go away on a lads trip at the time, I would have been massively unimpressed and put my foot down. Just because you can manage doesn't mean you should just so he can go on his little lads holiday.

SnoozyLou · 02/01/2020 01:27

I'd be fine with that. Provided he was ok with me doing the same.

Hell no.

OhMyDarling · 02/01/2020 01:32

Nope.
Holiday entitlement and budgets should be spent on the whole family.
Not for a piss up mates holiday.

You will cope with the baby on your own- that isn’t the issue.
I would be disappointed he even entertained the idea of going. He’s a parent now, he has a family, that means sacrifices and being responsible.

Sweetpeach3 · 02/01/2020 01:36

Everyone is different
your bound to feel nervous but life can't stop at the daunting thought of you bein alone. You'll find baby might sleep!!

Iv got a 3yo 2yo and 3 day old
Iv paid for my DP to go on holiday on the 25th as a supprise (selfish supprise) as it's to give me a break an some time with just the kids plus he's always wanted to go so I look super nice for doing this trip LOL 😁 . It's only 3 nights to a beer culture city with his friends but the fact is. When he isn't here messing around I have both the kids in bed at 7 no messing or anything. It's bliss so I can have time just chill with the new baby

But at the same time iv always managed better on my own then have him to help me

SmallAndFarAway · 02/01/2020 10:02

Don't let him put you in the position to make the decision - it creates a weird parent/child dynamic and sets you up as the fun police.

What does he think is reasonable? What is he planning on doing to make it easier on you while you're away? What's the plan for your girls trip, when does he see that happening and can you afford both trips?

I'd totally put it back on him - he wants to go, he figures out a way to make it happen (or realises he's being selfish).

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/01/2020 11:36

Nope.Holiday entitlement and budgets should be spent on the whole family.Not for a piss up mates holiday I disagree, you are allowed to exist as people independent of the family and being a parent. As long as: it works both ways (i.e. you can have a week away, he can use his leave to cover for you), and there is enough money for him to have such a trip and not impact any needs and wants of the family.

Holidazes · 02/01/2020 11:50

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3781884-Has-anyone-been-tempted-to-runaway-on-a-luxury-hols-for-one

Find it very funny that a woman wanting to do practically the same thing was told by most to go ahead!!! Hmm

GreenTulips · 02/01/2020 11:54

I’d let him go. Life isn’t all about work and sometimes we need a break.

My DH is often away for work and I had 3 under 2 - of coarse it’s hard work, nobody said it would be different.

Say yes if you can - but baby in nursery or childminders for a few sessions, have money for takeaway meals and a cleaner for 2 hours.