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Original poster

Partner going on holiday

40 replies

Mummysarah12 · 01/01/2020 14:11

Interested to know others views on this:

My partner & I have an 8 month old baby. He has just asked me if he can go on a boys holiday in February for 1 week to Dubai. The thought of being on my own for a week fills me with me dread - our baby isn’t sleeping through the the night yet & I am exhausted. He also works a job where he works long hours so his time at home with us is already limited. He has told me he really wants to go but a whole week on my own with the baby just makes me feel so scared. I don't want to be a girlfriend who tells him what to do, we don’t have that sort of relationship (pre-baby this would be no issue at all) but I really don’t want him to go! Am I being unreasonable if I say no to him going?

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2020 11:56

You’d be fine on your own, my DH is fantastic and we parent very equally and I’d have hated the idea of him going away for a week but recently he was in hospital for two weeks and I got on way better with our then 8 month old 24/7 than I’d have thought. You just get by. I only say that because you’re stronger than you think.

However, I agree that annual leave is for family time and if you’re on maternity then money is probably tighter than usual so neither of us would dream of using a week and an awful lot of money on our own with friends rather than as a family.

Slomi · 02/01/2020 12:01

@Holidazes Did you miss the part in that thread where she says her husband has already been away on trips without their family but she never has? I'm sure if the OP here had been on a girls holiday, the responses would be different but she hasn't....

Holidazes · 02/01/2020 12:05

Just because she hasn’t been on one yet doesn’t mean she can’t though Confused

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FruitcakeOfHate · 02/01/2020 12:05

Please tell me you are not packing in work or going part-time to enable this bloke to carry on life as if he's single and not a father.

mummykauli7 · 02/01/2020 12:06

Tbh I wouldn't mind if my DH wanted to go. But each situation is different,

  1. Does he often go on boys holidays and doesn't realise things are now different with a baby?

  2. Is this a one off and he's never been on holiday before with the lads and he wants a much needed release?

  3. Is he happy to also give you some time to get away once he's back, even if it's just a shorter spa weekend or something?

  4. Will this be comfortably affordable without you and baby having to cut back or budget in order to let him go?

  5. Also in terms of getting completey drunk etc, Dubai is quite a good place to go as they are quite strict and alcohol is only allowed in certain places and it's illegal to be drunk in public so they will have to be reasonably tame.

Mummyshark2018 · 02/01/2020 12:12

I wouldn't have a problem with this, as I would want to do the same in the future- if money and leave weren't considerations. Are you on mat leave? I'd be thinking of going to visit family or have friends over.

Bring a parent doesn't mean you have to stop having fun. My dh and I still have active social lives which includes foreign trips away with friends each year. My dh also works abroad a lot so I'm used to managing on my own.

MrsMillerbecameababy · 02/01/2020 12:22

I wonder why OP hasn't been back.

I'm still wondering why Dubai, whether she would also go away for a week and how he would respond if she suggested the idea, and what the impact on family finances would be - will this mean no family holiday this year and no budget for OP to have a similar priced week away or is the family income high enough to mean a couple of thousand pounds on a holiday for just one family member is pocket change?

Branleuse · 02/01/2020 12:35

Id let him but Id want a week away myself too without the kid or him

Original poster
Mummysarah12 · 02/01/2020 14:03

Thanks for your responses & interesting to read the different views!

They have chosen Dubai as they have a friend who lives out there. It’s hard as I don’t want to say no but I just feel like I never get a break & as some of you have pointed out, he will be using a chunk of his annual leave Which is the time I would get a break & help m. My parents aren’t too far away but their not very hands on & I know they will disapprove of being asked to help out while he goes on a fun holiday for a week.

I personally don’t see myself going on a girls holiday anytime soon, certainly not longer than a weekend, as just couldn’t bear to be away from my little girl for that long 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
CottonSock · 02/01/2020 14:07

It would have been a no way from me. But I doubt dh would have dared even suggest it. It will be very expensive.

FruitcakeOfHate · 02/01/2020 14:08

So what's the plan with his taking on his fair share of the childcare, domestic and lifework when you return to work FT, OP? Surely you're not compromising your earning and making yourself financially extremely vulnerable by jacking in FT work for a selfish person like this?

Mumdiva99 · 02/01/2020 14:10

I now have 3 kids and find annual leave very prescious. However, when I was on may leave with our first DS is the only the we could have afforded that sort of trip. Once I gave up work and more kids came along we don't have the disposable income. So if this is a one off trip to see a friend then consider it.

user1487194234 · 02/01/2020 21:26

Wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest

Danascully2 · 03/01/2020 08:06

As others have said I think it really depends on the dynamic of the rest of your relationship. Is he genuinely pulling his weight properly with baby and housework and supportive of you having whatever breaks you are ready for? Or are you trying to do everything around the house plus baby while he goes out doing hobbies/seeing mates at weekends without considering that you might need a break?

ManchesterMama1 · 01/09/2023 15:45

I know this is an old thread now.

Is there something about women not feeling the same urge for girls hols though?

Admittedly I don’t have the same wild friend group that I had in my twenties but I genuinely don’t have the desire to go on girls holidays now.

Maybe it will come back one day but an afternoon/ evening with friends fills my cup now (I’ve just turned 40), I don’t feel the need to get away for a whole weekend.

My husband on the other hand does at least 2 short breaks abroad with his mates every year - one usually in Europe for the football and that’s with his Dad.

I can’t help feeling I’m missing out and he’s always encouraging me to go but I’d rather spend that money going away with my family!

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