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Original poster

Upset that daughter looks like me

34 replies

debsrose56 · 26/12/2019 22:29

I know this sounds really strange as most parents would love their babies to look like them, but I really hate how I look and always have, I've never had any confidence and I would class myself as ugly. My daughter is 1 month old and the absolute image of me as a baby and its really upsetting me as I want her to have the best start and was hoping she would look like her dad (who is very good looking) or a least mix of the two of us but she is identical to me. I know I sound really silly and I haven't spoken to anyone about this but I feel really sad about this and really want to shake it off but I cant, could it just be hormones? I even get a bit tearful about it. Dont know what I'm asking for advice wise really, has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:

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pemberleypearl · 26/12/2019 22:37

I think you need to work on your self esteem OP.

Anotheronetwo · 26/12/2019 22:44

Yes, the best thing you can do to help your daughter grow up feeling fine about the way she looks is to improve your own self esteem. The best start for her is a mum who doesn't put herself down. This is something you can change.

noneedtoberudedear · 27/12/2019 11:27

Agree with other posters. Work on your self esteem. You do not want to pass your insecurities onto your daughter. Don’t let her grow up hearing you talk about your supposed faults. My DM hates her nose/profile and used to talk about it a lot when I was little. Guess what I’ve grown up hating about myself?

If your DH is very good looking then it’s actually far more likely that you are also very attractive. People usually tend to couple with people at the same level of attractiveness.

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Sushiroller · 27/12/2019 11:30

Shes 1 month old honestly anything can happen.

But agree with others you need to work on yourself.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2019 11:31

She'll change back and forth

You need to sort out your self-esteem issues before you end up passing them on to your daughter.

gamerwidow · 27/12/2019 11:34

Yes work on your self esteem there is nothing wrong with you and you are loved by your family.
Also my DD(9) changes so much as she grows that she really favours me and DH in looks at different times and sometimes looks like either of us. No way of telling what she will look like at 1 month old.
you will grow used to her face as part of her and you will love how she looks because she is her.

Redcliff · 27/12/2019 11:34

I bet you look perfectly fine but understand that it doesn't always feel like that. My hormones at a month in were shocking so I am sure that is not helping. Also (not sure if this helps) my son looked just like my brother at that age and at 12 looks nothing like him.

Tensixtysix · 27/12/2019 11:36

This is the saddest thread ever. Who the flip cares what you look like?
Have you got three eyes, buck teeth and massive freckles?
No, so be grateful and stop being so hard on yourself.
Beauty is only skin deep. All the 'good looking' people will look like sh!t in a few years time.
Remember that.

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/12/2019 11:36

If your DH is very good looking then it’s actually far more likely that you are also very attractive.
I agree. It seems very unlikely that other people would think that you’re ugly. And that would carry over to your daughter 😊

Happyspud · 27/12/2019 11:39

She isn’t you and never will be.

Pity more parents don’t realise that about their children.

As a side note, it’s also a huge pity you are so hard on yourself.

RuffleCrow · 27/12/2019 11:40

I bet you're both gorgeous.

OP, please go and get some counselling to raise your self esteem and help you appreciate your own uniqueness.

If you cba to do it for yourself, please do it for the sake of your dd who deserves so much better than her own mother feeling sad every time she looks at her. Sort it out now, op and then you can start spreading body (and face) positivity your daughter will thrive on.

Bluerussian · 27/12/2019 11:41

i'm sure you were not ugly and babies change anyway. Mine looked like me as a baby and then by the time he was ten, had changed into his dad.

Try not to think about it, you don't want your daughter to have a complex about looks.

Gogreen · 27/12/2019 11:42

If his good looking you probably are too.

thebluearsefly · 27/12/2019 11:42

@Tensixtysix - ermmmm I have massive freckles and I’m fucking fantastic....What if the OP does have buck teeth? The point is that regardless of what OP looks like she shouldn’t base her self worth on that and shouldn’t pass that to her daughter.

OP - pls be kinder to yourself!

Butterflyflower1234 · 27/12/2019 11:44

Please take the time to work on yourself as sadly if you don't, it's likely your daughter may also pick up self-esteem issues.

There are plenty of books, blogs and youtube videos to help or perhaps some counselling sessions.

Best wishes and congratulations on your daughter.

Iprefergin · 27/12/2019 11:45

OP I understand where you are coming from. I'm also not what society considers pretty and despite what people say about how looks don't matter, they definitely do! I've been treated different all my life , always looked past, never complimented, usually asked what's wrong with my face etc.

I don't have children yet but hate the thought of them looking like me as I think the world is an even crueler place now.

But as people have said before me, work on your self esteem, don't project it onto your daughter, tell her she's beautiful as I'm sure she will be xxx

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2019 11:46

Have you got three eyes, buck teeth and massive freckles?
No, so be grateful and stop being so hard on yourself.

Jesus, what if the OP or anyone reading does have buck teeth or massive freckles?

OldGrinch · 27/12/2019 11:49

My DD looked exactly like me at 1 month and now as a teenager looks nothing like me at all. She's very pretty and I am a bit of a plain Jane. But the older I get the less I care about what I look like. Other qualities are more important and I feel a lot happier in my own skin now am middle aged.

mousemousse · 27/12/2019 11:50

So you think she's beautiful? Because there is your answer - of course she is and therefore so are you

mousemousse · 27/12/2019 11:50

Do not so!

TheClausSeason · 27/12/2019 11:50

OP, my DD looked identical to baby pics of my DH at one month old. Does that mean she's destined to grow up to be 6 foot five with really broad shoulders and massive hands and feet?

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2019 11:57

I grew up feeling ugly, my mother did too and was very unaware of the effect on me of what she said and did . Although she did praise my looks, she put a lot of focus on “ making the most of” or “ improving” my looks. She made it obvious it was a problem to be solved, mentioned frequently, with much effort to be put in.
She still can’t clap eyes on anyone without assessing their looks “ I saw the lovely consultant today, she was very helpful. Big fat bottom though”.

I’m sure you realise this, and wouldn’t do it, but I thought it worth saying.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 27/12/2019 12:03

OP, please work on your self esteem for your sake and your DD's. I just typed out a huge post about my own mother and how her feelings about herself influenced me, and I've deleted it because you don't need to read a blow-by-blow account of what having a mother who hates everything about her appearance is like. Tl:dr - it's bad.

The biggest favour you can do your DD is to look at yourself in a better light, and teach her that her looks are just one aspect of herself. She loves you unconditionally, you should love you too. You shouldn't think your own face is 'ugly', so something at some point has given you that idea and it maybe worth counselling to try and unpick and reset your feelings. You're important - loom after yourself.

lyingwanker · 27/12/2019 12:05

She may well change over the next few years anyway. Both of my 2 youngest were the absolute spitting image of their dad for ages. My daughter is now 4 and everyone says she looks like me. I can't ever see myself in the kids but I can see that she no longer looks like her dad.

However, instead of hoping for her to change you need to work on changing your attitude to it and to yourself. It's hard, I know but it's possible.

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 27/12/2019 12:18

Totally agree with the others Op - work on your self esteem as I'm sure you are lovely. Whether 'traditionally' beautiful or not, you have a lovely husband and daughter who no doubt both love you very much.

As an aside, my DCs are 13, 11 and 8 and have all gone through phases of looking very like me and then very like my DH. Now none of them really look like either of us at all - there is a resemblance but no longer the spitting images they used to be. No doubt that will continue to change as the get older.

Enjoy your beautiful baby Op and hope you get some counselling for yourself.

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